Taste of Brooklyn? :P

Everyone deserves a day off. Well today I decided to escape it all and spend the day with BeachBoy at... you've guessed it, the beach. We shared a few spots in Brooklyn including Coney Island. I really had a good time. As usual, spending the day at the beach has left me literally wiped out. There's so much I wanna say and so much I wanna tell you about us, but right now I need to wash the sand out of my crack and open my nutrition text books before I get my ass kicked out of school.
Have a Good Night.

-Oh and on a side note. Congrats Ang on creating your own blog. Hope it's as therapeutic for you as mine is for me!

I don't get it, I had so many great ideas to write about today. Now however, I cant think of a damn thing to discuss.
Oh well... I'll try again later!

FOAD or Lack There Of

Ok, don't be disappointed. Although today is FOAD Thursday, and I have every right to bitch about anyone and everyone who's pissed me off lately, I'm just not feeling it. I took a long walk along my favorite beach today and took time to reflect on some things; One being school. I had a horrible day in class today after learning that I may not be doing well enough to continue in the nursing program. I need to kick my ass into gear and seriously study if I wanna prove that old people can do this college thing too.

Next was the renewed desire for my own place to call home. If it weren't for me being in school right now, I'd probably be moving into another apartment.

Finally... the walk in its self brought about pleasant memories that hold a special place in my heart. Other than the kids and their 5 minute walk with me, there's only one other person I've walked that path with. I hope I never forget how lost in the moment I felt as we tried to make our way back to the car.

Ok I'll stop, I know... today's a day of bitching, sorry!

Potential & Kinetics

Potential energy is stored energy. A drawn bow, stores energy from the pull as potential energy until it is released.

Kinetic energy alternatively is the actual energy in use or motion.

Why the science lesson? Well... I feel like I'm living a life with lots of potential, but doing nothing to use it. In school, at work and in relationships. I know I have the potential to do better in school if I could find the right balance at work and home. As for relationships, I already find myself avoiding calls from all the people of whom I have no concern for anymore. I need to stay on track and turn my potential energy, thats been stored away for 3 years, into kinetic energy.

Choices

We're faced with many choices in life. Deciding where to go, what to do and with whom to do it is your choosing. If I could sit here and decide where to be, I'd choose a big house with a wrap around porch. Where? Perhaps in the country somewhere or maybe a lakefront home. The "with who" part... well that's when things get difficult.

Life can be difficult and having someone to go through it and walk beside you can make a world of a difference. I have several friends whom just like me, have been burnt by past relationships. I guess I must have made it through pretty well because many of them still look to me for advice. I'll be the first to admit I could've worked harder on my marriage, but I know better now, and I'll use all these lessons should I choose to share with someone once again. But for now, I'm content with the way things are.

...until I got an email from my supervisor telling me that my shift at work is being eliminated, that I must choose another one. While I could choose to return to dispatching on overnights, it'll leave no time for sleep. I could choose the afternoon shift, but then I wouldn't see my girls very often. Or I could choose to dispatch only on weekends and go on the road more often which would satisfy another addiction.

Ahh... decisions, decisions.

The Simpsons The Movie

I've enjoyed watching The Simpsons since I was a kid, so naturally when I heard of them making a movie, I insisted on seeing it. I slept kinda late today, but was reminded by the girls of the movie premiering this weekend. So although we didnt make it to our normal theatre and Gabby would've rather had gone to Coney Island, we did nontheless get to see the movie.

I must say they certainly surprised me. I've seen many TV shows attempting a feature movie that usually turns out to be a 30 minute episode turned into a dragged out 2 hour long movie. The Simpsons however was actually enjoyable. With the exception of seeing Barts weiner, the movie was pretty cute. Totally worth the drive into Queens to see it!

Blah

Today's post will be brief. I feel like crap today. So nauseous and just feeling...blah.

I'm kinda disappointed with a couple of things and a few people, but hey if you never put all your trust in them in the first place you really shouldn't be disappointed, right?!

On a brighter note, I'm off from school today. Thank God for them Jews and all their holidays!

Ok I'm going back to bed now. TTYL

So Pissed

I'm so upset right now. I just learned that the new dispatcher is spreading rumors about me at work. Yeah, granted I have many friends that just so happen to be guys. Shit, more than half of the people working there are guys, and the girls are mostly b*tches like her. No wonder I tend to befriend the guys. Does that make me a hoe? Well apparently in her eyes I am!

She's telling people that I "get around". WTF?!

Let me set this straight. I'll admit that I have many friends at work. I'm the kind of person that values friendship more than a good f*ck. I've ended relationships because I felt they interfered with my job. Don't confuse me for you or any of your skanky friends! If and when I choose to be with someone romantically, that's my business and none of yours & I wouldn't bring it to work so neither should you! Your like a cat falling and grabbing everyone around you to fall too. Keep trying to find fault b*tch!

Long Overdue FOAD

Ok, Boys and Girls. It's been a while, but here comes a long overdue FOAD.





First, to the sorry excuse of a father whom thinks that sending comments on myspace is quality communication between him and his daughters. C'mon , no wonder our relationship failed. But seriously, didn't you learn anything in the parenting classes the State forced you to take?! Or did you skip that class too?

Next to the asshole new dispatcher. When you show up to work 2 hours late and see that I've been covering for you so that your supervisor wouldn't been woken from his sleep, the least you can do is thank me. It's one thing to not even call in the first place, but to be a total bitch all night long too! ...Hope you choke on that second big mack in your lunch box, FOAD!

Ahh... I'm feeling better all ready!

And finally to my nutrition Professor whom jumps on my ass for being 5 minutes late to class. Whom had me up till 2am yesterday morning studying for our midterm. A midterm that she postponed an hour after it was supposed to begin, after realizing that she was running too late. Karma's a bitch isnt it?! FOAD... after giving me my "B" of course.

Arghhhh

Ok, I'm in A & P class right now, but rather than listen to the lecture, I'm blogging. Why? Because I cant understand a damn word my professor is speaking! Let me create a visual for you. Professor Mary (we wont dare try to pronounce her last name) is about 4'7", speaks softly and with a rather heavy accent. No wonder I feel like A&P is kicking my ass. I'm doing it almost entirely self study, with the exception of the goofing around in the lab.
I can only hope I make it through with at least a "B" otherwise I'll get booted from the nursing program.

My Fix

As it turns out, I'm not doing as bad in class as first thought. I'm averaging about a "B" right now. Which is cool, but If I can keep my ass out of the hospital I'd do much better.

...totally changing the subject.

Ever have the feeling like you just wanna run away? Run from all your problems. Just pack up, move and begin again?



I've been thinking alot lately about this. See, I can separate the past 10 years of my life by 3 year intervals in which each ended or resulted to my moving both physically as well as figuratively. First my getting married and moving to Louisiana. Next, the military discharging us due to his near-death experience and our moving to Florida. Then we separated and I came back to NY with the kids. There's a whole lot more to that last bit than just that, but I'll save that for another post.

Moreover, looking back... each time I've had a major life event take place, I've moved. Now on the other hand I've signed contracts with my school and borrowed so much money to fund it, that dropping out and moving to another state wouldn't be a very smart choice. I just feel the need for a change. Like an addict going through withdrawal, I feel the need for my fix.

I'm gonna stop now, this probably makes no sense to anyone but me.... sigh!

...For Now

Well I played hookie from school today. I just sorta feel blah. I called the doc this morning to see if my INR results were finally back. They were, and I'm finally back in the "safe zone". No need to worry about that for now.

This whole 2nd PE has really set me back again. If it weren't for the distraction of Dawg's tragedy, I probably would've been a mess much earlier. Now I'm just a depressed sap. I really would like to take sometime to reflect on all thats been going on in my life. Try to simplify things. But the truth is, by doing so, I may be complicating things even more. So I'll settle for blogging about it for now.

Sunday

Well, Its Sunday. Not much to do today, but wanted to send some love anyway. If something noteworthy occurs, I'll update ya. Hopefully I can stay in my pj's all day!

The One Person I Cant Protect

I haven't blogged in a very long time, but there's something else I haven't done in a while either that I did today... I cried. With the exception of the news I heard while in the hospital about Dawg and his loss, I haven't wept in quite some time. My doctor called me yesterday and requested that I see him today. I assumed, like everyone else, he was concerned about my coumadin levels staying therapeutic. If they fall below safe levels again, I may not survive another pulmonary embolism or many of the other complications blood clots can cause. So I agreed to come in and supply those blood thirsty vampires with another weekly sample.

However doc wanted to physically see my this time. Apparently my last test showed that I've fallen back down to sub-therapeutic levels. Of course he began lecturing me assuming that I'd missed more doses. This time however, it wasn't my fault. I've been following the medication schedule religiously. We discussed the possible causes of the drops and a few theories that we'd really rather not consider. I convinced him to allow me to give another sample, re-check the levels and at the first sign of trouble, I'd go to the hospital.

Why is my body defying me? I've struggled most of my life to protect and improve that of those around me. But the one person I cant... is myself.

Note on the windshield of my heart

The past two weeks have been amazing. It all began with that saturday morning. I was coming home from work, tired, sleepy and yet still attractive in your eyes for some reason. I remember walking away from my parking spot feeling like I was being watched. I paused for a moment in the lobby, something told me to look back. I did briefly, but not sure of what I supposed to see, I continued on my way. Went home and shortly after went to bed.

Hours later I was awakened by my mother with a note in hand. It was simple, yet mysterious. The kind I've dreamed of getting in one of my many romantic fantasies. Reluctant at first to reply, I decided to take a chance anyway, and with my history they dont usually end well. I've sort of put up this wall around me, not allowing anyone else in for quite some time. But for some reason you seemed to have created a door of your own and walked right through it.
Have you ever heard the saying " some people come into your life for a reason, even if only for a season"? You came into my life, and showed me that I could have fun again. I can get excited about seeing someone, but not having to worry about impressing anyone. It was ok for me to be myself and still be considered attractive.

Singing the Blues

What is it about music that helps me cope with the drama in my life? Is it the artist's sharing their own personal drama, or maybe the catchy tunes? I enjoy just about any type of music, especially ones I can sing along to. This same attraction though is probably the reason I read blogs and started one my own.

I value the effort of the artist's and appreciate their willingness to share their thoughts and feelings with us readers. I try my hardest to keep my readers from being bored to death with all of my drama, but the truth is I blog for myself. I created this blog about a year ago as a way to cope and complain about my daily encounters. Looking back at my archives, I see most of my problems are with men and work. Now since I obviously cant get rid of them, you my readers can either listen to the crazy drama anyway or point me (the newest addition to the singles scene) in the direction of the nearest karaoke bar.

Old People Cant Divide Fractions

It's official. I'm old. Not only do I have wrinkly hands, but now I'm the oldest person in my nursing class. Or at least the ones accepted thus far. I felt like such a dumb ass today when taking the college assessment exams. I breezed through the reading and writing sections, but when they handed my the math part I nearly had a stroke.

I suppose its best that I know how to divide and multiply decimal points and fractions by hand, but come on... fork over the damn calculator if you want an answer from me. Its been 10 years since I graduated high school and just as I told the professors there too, all that counts is the answer and not the means of finding the answer. But just like then, he didn't find it amusing. So my sorry ass will likely be in remedial math my first semester. The old lady in the corner with the wrinkly hands :(

I cant wait to see what next weeks pre-nursing assessment exam looks like. I'll show them little twerps what this old lady knows!!!

Egg Hunt Strategies = Life Lessons

I was doing some thinking today. As parents we teach our kids to do things certain ways for a reason. For instance I was having a conversation with the girls today about Easter egg hunts. I told them to ignore the eggs in the front of the field and instead run away from the large crowds that will gather for the few in front and keep focused on the many more that are in the distant. If you ignore the temptation and keep running, focused on the larger quantity at the farther end, you'll do much better overall, and chances are you'd have less children to compete with.

Now how does this relate to life? See, if your always jumping on a chance presented in front of you, your overall chances of success and satisfaction will not reach their full potential. I'm not happy with a few things in life, but unlike Britney Spears I will not call them mistakes. They were choices that I made. I wanted to be with the ex because at that moment he met my needs. I wouldn't call it a mistake, but rather another lesson learned. I've changed careers a few times, striving for a sense of self accomplishment. I thought I found it when I became an EMT, but then when I became ill and determined to learn more about my own heath problems, I decided to continue my education even further on a professional level. I'm waiting on my admission decision from Nursing School. I know I can do it. I've got plenty of people trying to discourage me, but I want to reach for those eggs in the distant. Honesty though, I cant see myself being satisfied even after graduation. I'll likely continue and take my education further possibly focusing on my BSN and then NP or PA. Who knows?

...let me stop babbling on and on though otherwise we'll miss them blowing the whistle initializing the start of the egg hunt.

Harming

Do you think its possible to love someone but not want to be with them? I find his faults, but yet still am not quite ready to say goodbye. He tells his friends and family that he wants to be with me forever, but doesn't tell me. Even if he did, I couldn't say the feeling is mutual. I enjoy having someone to say goodnight to and be with when I don't want to be alone. I found someone that I could love forever, but just cant seem to. Is it me? Is it my insecurities or am I just not ready to settle down and trust again?

I don't want to lose him, but I'd like to see what else the world has to offer. I find myself still searching the personal ads wondering just that... I don't want to feel like I'm settling. I suppose for now I'll take it day by day, I'll continue my search. Meeting some pretty interesting people along the way. As long as I'm not harming myself or anyone else, I couldn't see any fault in my actions. Could you?

Pet Food Recall

Making headlines lately is the topic of a major recall of pet food. It seems that some supplier in china sold tainted wheat gluten which was used in various pet foods. This substance is supposedly causing kidney failure especially in cats. Researchers believe to have 16 "confirmed" deaths thus far. In my opinion, the number of unconfirmed must be in the hundreds.

Just a few weeks ago, I too was a concerned cat owner dealing with a sudden onset of what appeared at first to be dehydration. Initially I wasn't too concerned, given his age, I thought it was simply his time to go. However other family members seemed to disagree. We took him to the Vet whom diagnosed him with dehydration, injected some fluids and gave us the option of either taking him home and give him some TLC or keep him overnight for fluids at a cost of $800. If I could've found a vein on a cat I'd give him the fluids myself, but I couldn't. We still opt'd to take him home. We were feeding him with a baby syringe and watching as his body was shutting down. Frustrated from watching him suffer, I stopped forcing the meal replacement down his throat. I figured, without nutrition his suffering would end sooner. He was without a doubt terminal. I couldn't stand to watch him go from waking me up bright and early in the morning and running like a child to kitchen for food, to the cat that didn't have the energy to even lift his head. Two days later the vet called to check on the cat that was befriended by so many. He offered to see him the following day for blood work, and wouldn't charge for the visit. He too was concerned for the cat that so many grew to love. Sadly though, Scooch didn't make it through the night. I remember getting the call from my distraught mother and driving him to the pet hospital at 2am in the city to be cremated.

Unfortunately without the lab work or a look at his kidney's for traces if this substance, It's virtually impossible to prove that he died as a result of ingesting this poison being traced in pet food. It was obvious that his kidneys were failing, but what caused it will always be a mystery to us.