No Doubt

"Don't Speak"

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

Goodbye With No Words

For many reasons, this is currently my favorite song. Tamia sings of someone whom still looks the same, but for some reason isn't the man she once knew. He's changed so much that she doesn't recognize him anymore.

"He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me".

Two years ago I met someone that helped me more than he'll ever believe. We've been very close since then and rarely go days without talking. Now however It seems he's not the same man. The man that left the note on my car that morning. The only man that crashed down the walls I put up around me. Instead now, a stranger who stands in his place. And just as the song starts with... I dont understand.

Your belly's finally bigger than mine :P

I have many things to be thankful for. Amongst them are my two beautiful daughters, a loving family and best friends that mean the world to me. When any of them hurt, I hurt. When I hurt time and time again they come through for me, so it's only fair I return the favor.

I love you Ang. We'll make it through this, stay strong!

Fight or Fright

Imagine this for a moment if you will; As a child the very first time you caught a football, you knew you wanted to play for the NFL. You studied hard to stay on the team throughout High School. You continued on to College and helped make a name for yourself by excelling. Though the school isn't all that popular amongst the professional scouts your name however remains on their tongues.

You get an invite to the combine, which is essentially an audition to make a career out of playing football, and when you get there before anything else, they tell you you have no chance in making a career out of playing football. As it turns out, a physical exam reveals you have a heart valve defect. While the defect its self is not life threatening, it could nonetheless result in sudden cardiac arrest upon exertion, like playing football.

What do you do now? Do you give up on all your dreams or risk dying for what you love? Good luck with your decision Brian!

Not Me, Not Now

Ever see or hear something that makes you re-evaluate everything you've ever believed? Well about a year ago Ang gave me a particular book that advised; if a man really were into you, you'd certainly know it. He'd want you to know he was thinking about you and would call or at the very least send you a message every so often. The book was her attempt to help me see things for what they truly are and not assume it to be something its not.
It's no secret I've been burned in past relationships, because of that I suppose I keep my heart guarded. That doesn't mean it doesn't break...

If I wanted to go out and have a good time, believe me the opportunities are endless. Do I? No I don't. Its not just fun I'm after nowadays. I did however agree to a date with an ex co-worker the other night, to which I made him bring me to see the movie about the above referenced book. The movie shed some light on a few things for me. I've purposely kept certain people in my life knowing I can count on them, but haven't been giving them any of my time because its being consumed by someone who doesn't deserve it. I cry myself to sleep days and weeks before I finally hear from him. I now see though... He's probably just not that into me.

What else did I get from this movie? Well one character was telling that Myspace is the new booty call. I laughed and kinda agreed, noting to myself the need to delete my profile. Last night at 2Am I get a call from a friend of mine that I once confessed a sexual fantasy of mine to. He calls and wakes me up to ask for my address. Apparently he and a friend were on Myspace and came across my profile, to which the discussion of DP came about. They wanted to come and make my dreams come true. Thanks but no thanks guys, I'd rather be alone than to be another booty call. I love myself better than that now.

...Just Don't Get It

 Why do we spend time adoring the ones who ignore us, and ignore the ones that adore us?

 

I'm a Dork

Think it would be corny if I bought myself flowers for Valentines day? I've been spammed by so many companies with some beautiful bouquet's. Not to mention going to CVS all week for things and walking through the Valentines day isle. I know it's torture and depresses the crap out of me, but I love reading the various cards they've got on display. I saw one in particular that I might go back for tomorrow. It really says more about how I feel than I ever could.

Sad Sad Times

Nothing says I love you for Valentines day like the closure of two major hospitals in the area:



BUREAU OF OPERATIONS
EMS COMMAND ORDER 2009-028
February 9, 2009
CLOSURE OF ST. JOHN’S QUEENS HOSPITAL (H 39)
1
1. GENERAL INFORMATION
1.1
Effective 0001 hours, Tuesday, February 10, 2009, St. John’s Queens Hospital (H 39) is no longer an authorized 911 ambulance destination for PEDIATRIC patients. These patients shall be transported to an appropriate 911 ambulance destination.
1.2
Effective 0001 hours, Saturday, February 14, 2009, St. John’s Queens Hospital (H 39) is no longer an authorized 911 ambulance destination. As such, NO PATIENTS shall be transported to this hospital. Patients shall be transported to an appropriate 911 ambulance destination.
1.3
Affected EMS units shall familiarize themselves with this directive, and utilize alternate receiving facilities when transporting patients.
2. RELATED PROCEDURES
2.1 EMS OGP 115-08, Delivery of Patients to an Appropriate Hospital

BY ORDER OF THE CHIEF OF EMS COMMAND

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


BUREAU OF OPERATIONS
EMS COMMAND ORDER 2009-027
February 9, 2009
CLOSURE OF MARY IMMACULATE HOSPITAL (H 36)
1
1. GENERAL INFORMATION
1.1
Effective 0001 hours, Tuesday, February 10, 2009, Mary Immaculate Hospital (H 36) is no longer an authorized 911 ambulance destination for patients requiring Psychiatric care. These patients shall be transported to an appropriate 911 ambulance destination.
1.2
Effective 0001 hours, Saturday, February 14, 2009, Mary Immaculate Hospital (H 36) is no longer an authorized 911 ambulance destination. As such, NO PATIENTS shall be transported to this hospital. Patients shall be transported to an appropriate 911 ambulance destination.
1.3
Affected EMS units shall familiarize themselves with this directive, and utilize alternate receiving facilities when transporting patients.
2. RELATED PROCEDURES
2.1 EMS OGP 115-08, Delivery of Patients to an Appropriate Hospital

BY ORDER OF THE CHIEF OF EMS COMMAND

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Now how do I react when not only my colleagues and I are affected by the closure, but my patients lives now too are being affected? If you live in S Queens and have a life threatening condition, God help you as you wait in line at the already over-burdened ER's that remain.

And from the Queens Chronical:

The two facilities provide healthcare to about 200,000 residents annually and employ 2,500 medical professionals and healthcare service workers.
A study by Marshall’s office in 2006 found that Queens is already lacking in services compared to other boroughs. Manhattan, with a population of 1.5 million, has 7.4 beds per 1,000 people. Queens, with a population of 2.3 million, has 1.4 beds per 1,000 people. That does not include the loss of the 250 beds following New Parkway Hospital’s closure in November.

Taking its toll

-
I wish I didnt worry as much as I do. I just wish I knew whats going on.

I just dont get it. I guess I imagined it to be so different...

Where Ya Been?

I'm sooo sorry. I know I've neglected my duties of updating the blogosphere on the chronicles of my so called life. Gheez I loved that show growing up...

Ok so since I cant decipher between which topic to roll with I'll opt for the bullet post once more.

• Nicks back!!! I really hope things start getting better for him. It hurts me so much to see what he's been going through. Hopefully the flight back to NYC will be symbolic of his liberation from all that's been troubling him. Nonetheless I have the utmost confidence in his ability to overcome most anything thrown in his direction.
  
  
  
• My being thrilled about his return was quickly clouted by a call from the DA's office yesterday. Apparently the DWI case was adjourned in light of their finding a new key witness, me. So the only way to convict this man, who so happens to live in my neighborhood, Is by my testifying that we did indeed witness him driving the vehicle he crashed. While all the phone calls and communication sure does make me feel wanted, I wish it would all just go away.
  
  
  
• I'm supposed to go on vacation in 2 weeks and was hoping for a road trip. Lord knows I need to escape. However since I'm not sure If my legal dept will be successful in helping me out of this trial, I may be forced to cancel and do something local with the kids.
  
  
  
• Lastly, I'm not regularly irregular any longer. While I don't expect you to understand what the heck that means, just know: I'm almost normal again :P

Gotta love this place

Think my job is safe from budget cuts? Think not!


NYC Mayor Bloomberg is proposing budget cuts that'll eliminate 30 EMT shifts and leave dozens of us without work. That's only a small piece however, of the proposed effort to bounce back NYC's tremendous budget deficit. He also wishes to cut the number of firefighters and police men responding to our cries for help.

Why not throw in the ever so stable career of public school teaching? We could possibly see 15,000 of them applying for unemployment along with us... Until they realize they've exhausted that benefit too. With that in mind apparently, he's decided it'll be necessary to increase the cities revenue, so we'll be seeing higher sales taxes now too.

Just for a Day

Just for a day I'd like to forget how much it hurts when the phone rings and your not there to answer. Just for a day, I'd like to forget how it tore me apart to hear you'd never again come home. Just for a day, I'd like to forgive myself for not protecting you. No more crying for you Dad, if only... just for a day.