All or Nothing

I'm still working on interpreting the info supplied to me by SH. Could a comedian really have a clue? Combined with the book Ang gave me... all signs lead to a dead end. I cant possibly make it out of this shining. I've done nothing but stand around and wait. Waiting for days and weeks for some sign of hope and just when I think it finally comes, its gone just as quickly. Things were so much simpler when it was just about having fun. I realize now though that we'll never get back to those days nor do I wish to. Now that I see his full potential, I want it all or nothing at all.

Cutting the Strings

I just finished reading this book titled Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Apparently this book has caused an uproar amongst men and woman alike. Man are upset about SH advising woman to make men take care of them, while woman finally understand why men do the things they do.

The book goes on to say that no matter how wonderful a woman is, if a guy doesn't feel secure in his manhood he will not stay no matter the circumstances. He also goes on to argue that men don't love the same way us women do, that because of this its easier for them to stray away and have an affair. He also offers some advice in determining a mans intentions by giving examples of things a guy would say or do if he felt you were a keeper vs something he can string around.

While I have mixed feelings about his suggesting we make men take care of us, I do however agree when he suggests we applaud their efforts. A simple thank you can go a long way. If he's genuinely deserving of recognition, give it. If not... give it anyway. Soon enough he'll live up to that superman title.

Birthday

Ok I know I haven't exactly been the most entertaining blogger. Dammit I'm probably the least with all my drama. Aside from my usual gloomy posts, I'm thrilled to announce the addition of two little miracles named Toby and Brianna. Ang plus two are doing quite well!

I had the wonderful experience of witnessing their birth and cant wait for all the milestones that'll follow.
Happy Birthday!!!

Timeline

I was helping Arriana with a project tonight in which she had to write about an influential family member. She was asked to complete a timeline of major events in my life. I thought it was pretty cool and id share it with you. After all, sharing is caring ;)

1979
Born to Marlene Smith and Allen Flores in Flushing, NY.

1991
My father became ill and my curiosity and willingness to
care for him sparked my interest in healthcare.

1997
Became a mother to Arriana, 2 months before graduating high
school.

1998
Attended Kingsborough Community College.

1999
Moved to Louisiana where I became an Army wife.

2001
Added Gabby to our Goof troop.

2002
Moved to Florida where I pursued a career as a Nurses
Assistant, aiding persons with terminal illness.

2004
Shortly after separating from my marriage, I learned that my father
was becoming increasingly ill and opted to return to New York to care for
him.

2005
Made the transition from that of serving terminal patients, to
instead saving them as I became certified as an Emergency Medical
Technician.

2008
My father passed away suddenly following a brief illness.

... this is where I stopped. I cant go on any longer, not only because nothing noteworthy has really happened. But... I just lost interest.

Let me in

Sometimes all it takes is a simple question to leave you sitting here all night wondering... why'd you ask that?

The CitiField Experience

I've looked forward to this day for many weeks, and while the excitement was kinda taken away suddenly yesterday I still looked forward to it. After all... it was the pre-game show that I was most excited about.

I purchased two seats in the new home of The Mets, Citifield, in hopes of sharing it with my MVP. At the last minute I had to replace him with a fan that only made it through 5 innings. Nonetheless my first experience of Citifield was quite pleasant. Had I arrived on time I wouldn't have had to deal with the parking nightmare, but well... you know me. Otherwise I'm soo loving the new home!

Chip

While shopping for a birthday present for Arriana two weeks ago I joked to Mom that I'd get her and Arriana both a puppy. Reluctant at first, I decided to take a spur of the moment trip to the pound. Arriana's proved to be responsible enough now, and mom well... she needs the companionship. I've pondered the idea for quite sometime and knew exactly what to look for, a small breed that would enjoy being treated like a big baby.

I'll never forget the look on my daughters face when I met her afterschool and told her of our taking a trip to the pound. This is something she's wanted since we left our home in FL. Soo.... Off we went.

At the shelter we met several breeds, but seemingly all were suffering with some type of illness. Our timing was rather late, they had an adoption fair in the days prior when the local news channels were announcing their rescuing 200+ dogs from a puppy mill in Tennessee. The 20 something dogs that were left behind were not adopted because families didn't want sick dogs. Some dogs had seizure disorders, others diabetes and heartworm. One small shaking Dauschund however was simply underweight for no apparent reason and feared strangers and children. The Vet in fact insisted he not be adopted by someone whom has children in their household.

If you know me well enough, you know my feelings about doctors and their suggestions. So... I took the dog for a test run. First in the play yard with me, then mom and the kids. He did remarkable. He was coming home with us! Of course since the shelter was reluctant, we insisted he would live alone with granny.

He layed on the girls laps in the back seat, still shaking and scared but quickly warmed up to them when they shared potato chips with him. Alas they decided to name him Chip. When Chip arrived in the house he quickly became another dog. The quiet, timid dog turned to this wild animal chasing moms cat everywhere. Having no social experience and being afraid of people certainly proved to be a challenge for me. I knew somehow I needed to gain his trust before I could begin to train him.

Now, two weeks later, the same dog that was nearly euthanized simply because no one would give him a chance, is living happily ever after. I wonder now if this dog is somehow a sign. God loves throwing things like this in my direction to ponder.

Secret Revealed?

I've spent weeks struggling, trying figure it out. Why though I physically see you standing in front of me, I still don't quite see you there anymore. I think I get it now... Or maybe just a piece of it. I was browsing PostSecret and found someones secret that makes me wonder. Is this whats they've done to you?

Purest of Pain

Ang... I cant believe you dont know Son By Four?! Here's the English version:

I surrender

I don't know how or where... but somehow know you'll lead me there.

Dont Forget

The girls and I enjoyed Camp Rock, which stars a talented young girl that I'd gladly let my kids admire, Demi Lovato. I just learned that she's released a new single and well... it struck a chord so I thought I'd post it. Hope you enjoy it too!

Demi Lovato - Don't Forget - Official Video (HQ)

Glowing

Has every ER attending lost their mind? How can you comfortably put your life in the hands of a doctor that asks what you think he should do?!

I've fired my old doctor for the same reason, asking me for advice about my own and even other patients care. Doc... your the one with extensive education and experience. You make the decision!
Why not go with the usual routine: ECG, enzymes, and x-ray initially to rule out any acute coronary episode. If negative, lets check PT INR and D-Dimer for the presence of a thrombo-embolism. If all else fails... send me to CT and light me up like a glow worm.

So here I am radioactive, but happy to be home with my girls. Thank you Lord for another day!

Stock up

The only kinda love I need right now, requires AA batteries!

Guaranteed to never let me down... unless the batteries fail me of course.

Up to You

Life's Lesson # 234:

When you fall off the bike, brush yourself off and try again.

Learning to ride a bike is alot like life. It scares the heck out of you, filling your head with thoughts of falling. If you don't give it a try however you'll never really know your full potential.

When Gabby fell yesterday while trying to learn to ride her "big girl" bike, it broke my heart. Although seeing my kids hurt probably does more damage to me than it does them, I knew I had to get her to try again. I wanna teach my daughters that its OK to fail. Sometimes despite our best effort, things still go wrong. If we learn to wipe away the dirt & tears and stay strong however, we'll do just fine.

Up to Me

"God determines who walks into your life.... its up to you to
decide who you let walk away, who you let stay, and who you refuse to let
go."

Puro Dolor

I came across an old favorite song of mine. I really never related to the song, but still felt the strong emotion Angel Lopez put into it. He really is an awesome artist! Today though, It brought about a new meaning to me. I love it even more now.
I thought I'd share it with you briefly and as I searched youtube for a decent video. I remembered however just how many different variations there were to this song. There was the ballad, the salsa version as well as the English one. None however were as cool as my final choice.

Hope you enjoy!

Aghhhh

Despite our efforts, somethings in life are beyond our control. I wake up every morning and thank God for another opportunity to share my love with my kids. When Arriana was born, I learned a new love. A love that couldn't be tarnished by anything the world may throw at me.

Next week my baby turns 12. Am I scared? Yes and no. I know I've given her everything she needs to grow into a responsible young lady. We still have our talks and for some reason she still thinks I'm cool. She has a relationship with me as strong, if not stronger, than the one I have with my mother. I pray that it remains that way always

So... where am I going with this?

I came to notice something else about her last night. My baby was on the phone with a guy friend (dare I call him a boyfriend) of hers for exactly 73 minutes yesterday. THAT scares the crap outta me! Boys are EVIL!!! LMAO

My baby's growing :(

Give him all my love

The Fool

With a heart as full of love as mine, its hard to imagine the tough me on the streets of NYC. The white chick running into the bad neighborhoods when everyone's running away from the flying bullets. But that's just me... at work at least.

In my private life however I'm probably the softest of anyone you know. If I love you you'll know it. I'll admit I've made mistakes in my past, only caring about my own happiness, but I know better now. Or do I really?!

I feel like such a fool. You haven't called in weeks. You ignore my texts. You essentially are doing what I've done to others in the past. It was easier to ignore my problems than to deal with them. So you'd think I'd stop trying right?! Wrong. I stand here looking out the window hoping to see you even if just for a few seconds while you walk into the building. To know your alive and well. When my phone rings I run to it hoping its you. I lay in bed wondering if you paused for even one second to think of me.

I want so bad to go on with my life. I've never felt this way before and swore I'd never let it get to this. I'm absolutely certain I couldn't trust you with my heart. So why now does it lay in your hands?! I feel like such a fool.