Woo Hoo

Ok I know I promised I wouldn't blog about you babe, but I cant help but want to shout from the tallest building just how in love I am!

Signed and Sealed with a Kiss

Its official... as of 3:45 pm today, I'm officially divorced! Goodbye loser!

R-E-S-P-E-C-T

My emotions got the better of me and I sent a copy of that last blog entry to him. The response was all I needed to pack up my emotional baggage and get to steppin'. I wake up this morning was a text message telling me he "didnt wanna be friends anymore but would really like to bust a nut". WTF?

Are you for real? So I replied: "Wow thats really fucked up!"
He later replied that we really didnt need to talk, that we could just do whatever and leave. Still in disbelief that he would be this dis-respectful to someone he once referred to as being his best friend, I replied: "No I love myself more than that... sorry".

I'm still in aw... how could he do me so wrong and be so hurtful? Whatever... It was all I needed to push on and focus on someone deserving of my love. Thank you Lord for giving me this closure!

Look into the Crystal Ball

We keep company that makes us feel good. Someone that brings out the best in us. A few years ago I met someone that helped me forget my many struggles, even if only for the brief time we spent chatting in his car. Our friendship grew stronger and stronger and we began to fully confide in one another our deepest feelings.
I soon after fell for my best friend. He was all I could think about day and night. All I ever wanted... smart, funny, a hard worker, a dreamer and most importantly a good dad to his kids. Everything I sought in a partner.
Just as fate brought us together in an instant, it tore us apart too. His son was in a horrible accident and though he survived, it left a huge psychological burdon on his protective dad. Initially we still spoke everyday though he was 1000 miles away. I knew he was struggling with the impact the accident left, but still held onto hopes that the friend I once loved would soon return. Months later, when he was still struggling, the Dr prescribed him medication. With the swallow of the pill I lost my best friend. In his place stood a man with no emotion, no passion and nothing worth smiling about anymore. Still, I held onto hope that when he returned to NYC I'd be able to help him get better. Instead things got worse.
The days turned into weeks as I wouldn't hear from him. I sent emails and messages no which I got no response. Id check his phone records for some reassurance he was alive and well, and instead I'd find he's been chatting with many other females. So why not me? We keep company that makes us happy. I suppose I stopped making him happy. Instead of confronting him, I did the same. I began chatting with guys that made me feel good as he once did.
He once told me he wished he could look into a crystal ball and see where we'd be in a few years. Never in a million years would I have imagined our relationship would've ended the way it did.

Time

"...I'd Have To"

I'm back from outer space. I haven't been blogging much... I'm sorry. I just hate having to come here to complain about little stuff when there's so much worse going on around me. However by not communicating or expressing my thoughts and emotions, I finally exploded. What did it for me? A simple comment.

While having a brief conversation in the elevator with HIM, I confirmed my fear. Things really are very much different than they were last year, as was his answer in comparison to the answer he gave last year. Hearing him say that he'd have to simply disappear one day without notice made me realize that I really have been nothing more than a work related benefit for use at his disposal. And by accepting it I've cheating myself of all I truly deserve.

I reflect on many good memories between us and the many dreams we once shared and it brings tears to my eyes to think of it coming to an end, but in all reality It really ended months ago.

Please Remember

Keeping Up

Looking at my post's for the month its plain to see my lack of effort into keeping my readers entertained. I'm sorry guys, I've just been busy with... new projects. Yeah, that's an easy way of putting it. In the past 3 weeks I spent a total of three nights in my house. Call me crazy if you want, but my bills are getting paid!

One of the "projects" is that of me enlisting in a division at work that includes providing emergency medical services at major venues here in NYC. It's really pretty cool. We provide services to places like Madison Square Garden, Nokia Theatre and Yankee Stadium amongst dozens more. The pay kinda sucks. Nonetheless, being paid to be at a concert or watch ball games is match made in heaven for me!

...And the view is quite AWESOME!

As for the other projects, well.... Mr Pink was given a pink slip. Deb got really close to being a science project being studied by the Louis and Clarke Dynamic Duo, but their new subject seems to be a repeat offender. And finally my home boy seems to be coming around again YAY!

Old enough to die? You decide!

With this being my 500th post, I didnt want to subject you to yet another post about my boring drama. Instead I waited for days and fought through my writers block to bring back my initial intentions for this site... something decent.

Imagine this if you will; Your 13 year old boy has a curfew of 9pm and walks in the doors just before midnight on a school night. What do you do? Punish him or perhaps take his allowance away?

Now imagine if you would, another boy also 13 yr old, is diagnosed with a treatable form of cancer, Hodgkin's Lymphoma. The family has been fighting doctors and local courts siting they belong to a religious group that believes in "natural" healing methods. Their son Daniel has testified he believed chemotherapy would kill him and told the judge that if anyone tried to force him to take it, "I'd fight it. I'd punch them and I'd kick them."

Daniel and his mother are on the run now as court officials issued a nationwide search for their return. Brown County District Judge John Rodenberg, who had ruled last week that Daniel's parents were medically neglecting him, issued an arrest warrant Tuesday for Colleen Hauser and ruled her in contempt of court. Rodenberg also ordered that Daniel be placed in foster care and immediately evaluated by a cancer specialist for treatment.

In the medical profession we're constantly faced with morally challenging decisions. Another example: The 40 something mother of 4 refuses to battle her metastatic cancer and signs Do Not Resuscitate orders refusing all life saving interventions, and instead chooses to "die with dignity". With all the medical advances, her chances of survival are very good, however she fears suffering through rounds of chemo therapy and radiation and instead chooses to say goodbye to her loved ones.

Lets examine another case: In November 2007, a Washington state judge allowed Dennis Lindberg, a 14-year-old Jehovah's Witness sick with leukemia, to refuse a blood transfusion that could 've saved his life. Jehovah's Witnesses believe accepting a blood transfusion violates God's law. The teenager died the same day the decision was made.

When do we say its ok for a person to choose to die? At what age would we believe they were capable of making that decision? And should courts be allowed to over rule a persons religious beliefs?

Blame It

Good Humor: take 2

Eight months ago I jokingly made mention that the ice cream guy was trying to pimp me out. Well since the last guy he tried to hook me up with suddenly passed away, guess what? He's at it again, but aiming for someone a little healthier. Saturday while standing with Gabby at the ice cream truck and chatting with Johnny, as we always do, he asked if I were still single. I smiled and replied yes, at that very moment I turned and someone snuck behind me. It was Mr. Pink. Mr. Pink and I have been talking for a few weeks now, but unannounced to Johnny.

The elderly Good Humor man who knows him too, grabbed Mr. Pink and demanded he ask me on a date. I turned 5 shades of pink as did he, as I listened to Johnny tell us why we'd make the perfect pair and offered to pay for our wedding cake.




I love you Johnny! Your the Man!!! LMAO

Hmm

Guys are psycho, point blank! Nothing they do makes sense and in my opinion, all their concerned with is feeding their damn ego's. I've been doing alot of research lately hoping to answer some questions when I came across an article titled appropriately: Why Guys Dump Girls They Dig.

When your sitting on the toilet and cant quite drop that load your carrying, glance over the following facts. They've got all the BS you could've asked for!

Are You About to Be Jilted? Signs that your man's getting ready to
bail:

His cell phone is always off. He might be spending time with
someone he doesn't want you to know about ... or he just doesn't want to make
himself available.

He's reluctant to make plans. If he hems and haws
about committing to anything — even if it's in the semi-near future — he's
thinking about making a break for it.

He's meaner. The
passive-aggressive breakup is a guy standby. Some men intentionally turn into
a-holes to make sure you break up with them.

He's not into sex. He
doesn't want to feel connected to you — or he's getting his needs filled
somewhere else.

Momma

Ok, Ok... Just one more! The day wouldnt be complete without my adding A Song for Momma!!!

Little Girls Depend on Things Like That

For Mothers Day I thought I'd share a song I hold close to my heart right now. After seeing the Hannah Montana movie with my girls a few weeks ago, I fell in love with the story line and one song in particular. In the song Butterfly, Hannah (played by Miley Cyrus) thanks her dad for doing all the little things that meant so much to her and acknowledges his having done it all alone.

I've already told my girls were dancing to this song at their weddings, LOL. Hope you enjoy it too:

Illusion

Sometimes we look at things, or people if you would, and imagine them to be something their not. You've seen their face hundreds of times, but today in a new light, you see something different.

Try this out? What do see? At first glance Albert Einstein appears. Now step back several feet and another famous Hollywood artist appears.

GoodBye

I Love You

I probably should be a big mess right now. Am I? Absolutely not!

I have faith in God and his master plan for me. He removed certain things from my grasp, to open my hands to receive a larger blessing. I shall not fear but rather embrace his will, there's no greater love than his.

I wanna write. I wanna fill you in... but everytime I try, I cant fight back the tears. I'm sorry.

Dreams

Dreams, they meet us every night and often at various random moments throughout the day. But what do they mean? I personally believe dreams interpret our subconscious thoughts. Things that we perhaps avoid thinking about or dealing with sneaking up on us as we rest. There's no fighting it, its bothering you.

I dreamt a few weeks ago that another friend at work was pregnant leaving me to be the only woman in the office who's not. Deep inside I know the dream dealt with my feelings of depression surrounding the fact that I'll probably cant.

Just the other night I woke up crying after an argument with a very good friend of mine. I cant remember the details of the argument anymore, but know that it entailed him confessing a lack of pleasure between us and other words spoke that hurt so much. But the truth is, these are all thought Ive conjured up but never dealt with. About how lonely Ive been, about how tired I am of being constantly let down and my loss of desire to please him as I once did.

Jes' just confessed that he was upset about a dream that he had last night too. He dreamed that we passed each other in the garage at work like we've done time and time again. Only this time, he says I stopped to tell him that my boyfriend had commanded that I stop talking with him and delete all my guy friends from my cellphone. Now I know Jes is obsessed with me, but thats cool. See he knows that my hearts not available because its still in undeserving hands. Nonetheless our friendship will always be just that, a friendship. Apparently he subconsciously fears he'll lose that too.

I Should

I dont know who I am,
who I am without you.
All I know is that I should.

~Missy Higgins; Where I stood~