Gossip Girls

In my experiences at work, I've heard way more than I care to learn about the personal lives of some of my co-workers. Being stuck together for 12+ hours, you sorta come to expect it. I have one co-worker in particular that I share just about everything with whom I feel I can trust.

She's joked with me many times and said that she thinks I've really found a keeper this time, but when he showed up tonight at midnight to satisfy my craving after driving from working a 12 hour shift himself (oh... and over an hour away), she declared: "Lisa you'd better marry that man!"

He makes me feel all warm and toasty inside. Thanks for the toasted almonds baby! XOXOXO

???

Moments like tonight make me question myself, my thoughts, my actions... my everything. Am I making a huge fool of myself by reaching for the stars?

Technology Rocks

I got the new Motorolla Droid about a week ago. This thing totally rocks! Every day I find a new and exciting application that renews my joy, like christmas everyday.

And now I discovered a blogger application?! Feliz Navidad!!!

Curry flavored FOAD

Nothing irritates me more than unknown callers calling my cell phone. Even worse, when they leave a message and I have to pause for 2 minutes to listen to their damn sales pitch. I just don't have time for bullshit in my life anymore.

So... I get not 1, not 2, but 3 calls from an unknown number tracing back to CA. The gentleman with an overpowering Indian accent calls himself Tony Clark and that I must call him back on the 'hotline' or else. WTF?!

So I immediately return his call and he answers claiming to work for an attorney and that if I don't pay him for an outstanding pay day loan immediately, that their going to federal court on Friday to prosecute.

Dude... you fucked with the wrong chick today!

1st of all I've never taken out a pay day loan, because (my friend) their illegal in NY state. Our governor protects us from crooks like you. Secondly, pay day loans are not enforceable in courts... I know because I fucking worked for them too. And thirdly I wish you'd remove my telephone number from your list of people to steal from and fuck off!

Am I sounding a little upset? Good, glad you feel my anger! Whats with all these damn international scams lately? Last week I had someone from Nigeria purchase an item from me on ebay and send fictitious emails claiming to be from paypal.

Funny how the very same countries we helped through major disasters and such return the favor by trying to rip us off. FOAD!!!

Makes me wanna Dance

I just wanna offer thanks to my awesome God for blessing me with a beautiful family. Not a day goes by that I don't praise you and thank you for all you've done for me. My Mom's finally become self sufficient and working again, my daughters are happy and healthy and I'm in love with an awesome guy that's loves us despite our silly ways. In fact, he even likes my music :-P

OMG wheres the aleeve? My back is killing me. But it was soooo damn awesome! Id better stop smiling and get ready for another dinner with the in-laws, lol.

We be Rollin'

So here I am waiting for him to exit the office... waiting and smiling because as a team, were unstoppable. Dreamers compliment each other, always dreaming and aspiring to do better. So here we are making our move to the south a reality.
Like a steam roller, were smoothing out the bumps in the road....

Here i sit in an empty house, not even my house. I left my empty house to come to moms because with Hubby away till saturday, my place was just too lonely. Where's mom? Oh yeah she's working now. Mark? So is he. Joey and Ann? yep their gone too.

So... what do I do without the people I surround with my love all day? I was their dirty underwear! LOL

Have a good day ya'll!!!

I'm So Vexed

So just the other day I get an email from my ex husband trying to pin his personal and financial problems on me. Trying to intimidate me, he offers to make amends by my allowing him to claim the girls on his taxes this year.

What?!

Dude, your problems are all self inflicted! You wrote those bad checks, you refused to go to court, your the one who refuses to get a job and pay child support! Don't look to me for help while you turned your back on me and the kids and DON'T expect me to allow you to take more money from us!

That was the end of the conversation... so I thought. I decided to hurry and file my returns just in case he tried anyway. I filed my returns with the IRS on the very first day they allowed you to do so, only to discover he beat me to it. Dude actually had the nerve to file their social security numbers despite my refusing to allow him.

So... the money I expected to fund our vacation will instead be tied up and we can both look forward to audits now. Thanks alot Asshat!

Too Blessed to be Stressed

As the days pass, I become more and more pleased with the decisions I've made in life. I've learned not to dwell on things in the past and to instead appreciate things in my possession today. I wake up every morning beside a man I love more than I ever imagined possible, that loves my children and family as if they were his own. I end each day praying for another tomorrow.

Words can never express just how much he means to me, so I don't expect anyone else to understand the words that I write. Its for me, as is he.

Flying off into the sunset

Most goodbye's are merely farewell for now's, some however really are goodbye forever's. We've known this day would come for quite sometime now, but saying goodbye to someone who's meant so much to me just... just doesn't sit well.
What was he? A friend? A lover? While neither seems to fit appropriately, one things for sure. We shall be no more. We shared many personal common goals and allowed each other to be completely honest, sharing our deepest thoughts without fear or prejudice. We both know how hard its been being away from his kids for three years, and sometimes were willing to do things that might compromise our own happiness for the sake of them.
While we may not be certain of what the future brings, I realize that this is something we both need to do. Farewell my dear friend.

I'm trying to be strong Dad, I really am. But just like everything else... you taught me to hide my pain. I shouldve been there, I'm sorry. I miss you more than anything else in the world and nothing will ever take this pain away.
I'm trying my best to take care of Mom for you daddy, she missed you too. Its hard to believe we survived another holiday season without you.

At All

Lets just say hypothetically speaking, someone you love very much gets some grim news from their doctor. They've decided not to fight back and take a more passive approach after years of struggling with debilitating pain.
You know that loving him/her and allowing him in your life will end in heartache sometime in the near future. Do you love him/her with all that you have? Keep them strong enough to fight back?

'TIS BETTER TO HAVE LOVED AND LOST, THAN NEVER TO HAVE LOVED AT ALL; Alfred, Lord Tennyson

Farewell

Let me paint a picture if you don't mind....





You reach out to your best friend, who's a nurse, for advice and support after just going through a pretty scary situation. Your frightened at the thought of a relapse so you seek her help. However rather than be a friend and offer support she throws some other inappropriate shit in your face and tells you she doesn't want to hear what you have to say.



How do you react? Do you argue back or ignore her like you've done in the past when she's said hurtful full things? Like the time she called you irresponsible, or how about when she said I was hurting the kids? Once again I ignored and decided I WILL NOT allow any more negativity in my life. I couldve thrown thousands of things in her face that she did that was wrong, but a good friend doesn't say things to hurt you. I want one that'll offer the same support and love as I do.



The days have turned into weeks and still nothing... then I read on facebook that she had a party for the kids on Halloween, a holiday we used to share together. Did I know or were my kids invited? Nope! I secretly hoped that my best friend would come through. That she'd realize that despite our feelings about the men we choose to be with, that we had something not worth allowing those differences to get between us. However after all this and seeing this new bit of info I realize I'm not dealing with Ang anymore, she's Mrs Rog now.



I wish her the best and hope he does her right.

Treats and Tricks

Yesterday was Halloween, a day the girls and I really enjoy every year. Some view the holiday as a dark holiday celebrating witchcraft and idolizing the devil. That very well may be true for some people, but as for me and my home we celebrate an American tradition in which we dress up as an imaginary character and visit neighbors homes for candy treats. Nothing more, and no secret demonic rituals after dark.
Yesterday was also a landmark day in our relationship, the day his and mine became ours as we all shared our first holiday together. Thankfully all went well and the girls had a great time together. Its just a shame I had to come to work tonight. I really would've liked to be home with them, but once again my job makes my goals for my family life a bit more difficult to achieve. The next time they ask me for a favor, I'll remember this time when I really wanted one myself.

Arghhh

I'm so pisssed right now and need to vent! I'm supposed to get off at 7am after working a 12 hr shift. My relief is never, I repeat NEVER on time. So this morning I wasnt very surprised when she called at 0640 to say that she was running late. Apparently her late night partying has led her to some legal problems and she was involved in a fight that led to someone getting stabbed. She's being taken to the local police station for questioning and doesnt know how long they'll keep her.

Now I dont like to talk crap about people, but when you hold a professional license to provide care to sick and elderly people you should also be willing to be a model citizen. This includes not getting yourself involved in unethical activities after hours! Infact your ass should be home sleeping so you have the well rested mind ready to apply the critical thinking skills required of you at work.

But... Im not her supervisor. Who am I to complain?!

Thank You my blogger audience for hearing my roar :-P

Words can be more fierce than a Sword

Sometimes we dont realize the weight behind our words. After what happened Thursday, my Hero cancelled his own doctors appointments and tried getting out of work to stay and take care of me. While I really do appreciated the help and concern, It saddens me to think of my loved ones going through another ordeal with me getting sick again.

Ang was no help and just made me more emotional. While laying in bed together this morning, my Hero asked how I was feeling and I told him how much it bothers me to know that he and others are worried about me. In doing so, I started a huge disagreement that nearly ended our relationship. He was very upset and offended by my words. Did I not want him to care? Of course I do. I just dont want him to hurt. Instead of getting the intended message, he heard that I dont want him to take care of me and help me. If something happened to him, I obviously would support him, so why then wont I let him do the same for me?

I suppose it all comes down to not feeling vulnerable again, still scarred from my past or maybe a combination of it all. Nontheless after hours that felt like months apart and buckets of tears. We've decided we're gonna work on my fears, my doubts and most importantly my getting better.

Hunting Season's Over

Something happened yesterday, something life changing. While in the shower I suddenly collapsed. Thank God Im sleeping with an EMT who immediatly rushed to my aide. I dont know if its cardiac related or maybe my glucose being too low, I just know that the thought of dealing with another health crisis scares the crap out of me.

So... naturally I reached out to my best friend for advice and support. Instead I got something far different. Infact I got bullets thrown at me. I wont be returning to the range anytime soon. Im done with the attacks.

Gava

Another one?! No Way!

I'm happy for you, I really am. I just really wish it were me celebrating. I can only hope that one day I'll be in your swollen shoes.