No Doubt

"Don't Speak"

You and me
We used to be together
Everyday together always
I really feel
That I'm losing my best friend
I can't believe
This could be the end
It looks as though you're letting go
And if it's real
Well I don't want to know

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

Our memories
Well, they can be inviting
But some are altogether
Mighty frightening
As we die, both you and I
With my head in my hands
I sit and cry

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts

It's all ending
I gotta stop pretending who we are...
You and me I can see us dying...are we?

Don't speak
I know just what you're saying
So please stop explaining
Don't tell me cause it hurts (no, no, no)
Don't speak
I know what you're thinking
I don't need your reasons
Don't tell me cause it hurts
Don't tell me cause it hurts!
I know what you're saying
So please stop explaining

Don't speak,
don't speak,
don't speak,
oh I know what you're thinking
And I don't need your reasons
I know you're good,
I know you're good,
I know you're real good
Oh, la la la la la la La la la la la la
Don't, Don't, uh-huh Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush
don't tell me tell me cause it hurts
Hush, hush darlin' Hush, hush darlin'
Hush, hush don't tell me tell me cause it hurts

Goodbye With No Words

For many reasons, this is currently my favorite song. Tamia sings of someone whom still looks the same, but for some reason isn't the man she once knew. He's changed so much that she doesn't recognize him anymore.

"He would adore me, he wouldn't ignore me".

Two years ago I met someone that helped me more than he'll ever believe. We've been very close since then and rarely go days without talking. Now however It seems he's not the same man. The man that left the note on my car that morning. The only man that crashed down the walls I put up around me. Instead now, a stranger who stands in his place. And just as the song starts with... I dont understand.

Your belly's finally bigger than mine :P

I have many things to be thankful for. Amongst them are my two beautiful daughters, a loving family and best friends that mean the world to me. When any of them hurt, I hurt. When I hurt time and time again they come through for me, so it's only fair I return the favor.

I love you Ang. We'll make it through this, stay strong!

Fight or Fright

Imagine this for a moment if you will; As a child the very first time you caught a football, you knew you wanted to play for the NFL. You studied hard to stay on the team throughout High School. You continued on to College and helped make a name for yourself by excelling. Though the school isn't all that popular amongst the professional scouts your name however remains on their tongues.

You get an invite to the combine, which is essentially an audition to make a career out of playing football, and when you get there before anything else, they tell you you have no chance in making a career out of playing football. As it turns out, a physical exam reveals you have a heart valve defect. While the defect its self is not life threatening, it could nonetheless result in sudden cardiac arrest upon exertion, like playing football.

What do you do now? Do you give up on all your dreams or risk dying for what you love? Good luck with your decision Brian!

Not Me, Not Now

Ever see or hear something that makes you re-evaluate everything you've ever believed? Well about a year ago Ang gave me a particular book that advised; if a man really were into you, you'd certainly know it. He'd want you to know he was thinking about you and would call or at the very least send you a message every so often. The book was her attempt to help me see things for what they truly are and not assume it to be something its not.
It's no secret I've been burned in past relationships, because of that I suppose I keep my heart guarded. That doesn't mean it doesn't break...

If I wanted to go out and have a good time, believe me the opportunities are endless. Do I? No I don't. Its not just fun I'm after nowadays. I did however agree to a date with an ex co-worker the other night, to which I made him bring me to see the movie about the above referenced book. The movie shed some light on a few things for me. I've purposely kept certain people in my life knowing I can count on them, but haven't been giving them any of my time because its being consumed by someone who doesn't deserve it. I cry myself to sleep days and weeks before I finally hear from him. I now see though... He's probably just not that into me.

What else did I get from this movie? Well one character was telling that Myspace is the new booty call. I laughed and kinda agreed, noting to myself the need to delete my profile. Last night at 2Am I get a call from a friend of mine that I once confessed a sexual fantasy of mine to. He calls and wakes me up to ask for my address. Apparently he and a friend were on Myspace and came across my profile, to which the discussion of DP came about. They wanted to come and make my dreams come true. Thanks but no thanks guys, I'd rather be alone than to be another booty call. I love myself better than that now.

...Just Don't Get It

 Why do we spend time adoring the ones who ignore us, and ignore the ones that adore us?

 

I'm a Dork

Think it would be corny if I bought myself flowers for Valentines day? I've been spammed by so many companies with some beautiful bouquet's. Not to mention going to CVS all week for things and walking through the Valentines day isle. I know it's torture and depresses the crap out of me, but I love reading the various cards they've got on display. I saw one in particular that I might go back for tomorrow. It really says more about how I feel than I ever could.

Sad Sad Times

Nothing says I love you for Valentines day like the closure of two major hospitals in the area:



BUREAU OF OPERATIONS
EMS COMMAND ORDER 2009-028
February 9, 2009
CLOSURE OF ST. JOHN’S QUEENS HOSPITAL (H 39)
1
1. GENERAL INFORMATION
1.1
Effective 0001 hours, Tuesday, February 10, 2009, St. John’s Queens Hospital (H 39) is no longer an authorized 911 ambulance destination for PEDIATRIC patients. These patients shall be transported to an appropriate 911 ambulance destination.
1.2
Effective 0001 hours, Saturday, February 14, 2009, St. John’s Queens Hospital (H 39) is no longer an authorized 911 ambulance destination. As such, NO PATIENTS shall be transported to this hospital. Patients shall be transported to an appropriate 911 ambulance destination.
1.3
Affected EMS units shall familiarize themselves with this directive, and utilize alternate receiving facilities when transporting patients.
2. RELATED PROCEDURES
2.1 EMS OGP 115-08, Delivery of Patients to an Appropriate Hospital

BY ORDER OF THE CHIEF OF EMS COMMAND

-----------------------------------------------------------------------


BUREAU OF OPERATIONS
EMS COMMAND ORDER 2009-027
February 9, 2009
CLOSURE OF MARY IMMACULATE HOSPITAL (H 36)
1
1. GENERAL INFORMATION
1.1
Effective 0001 hours, Tuesday, February 10, 2009, Mary Immaculate Hospital (H 36) is no longer an authorized 911 ambulance destination for patients requiring Psychiatric care. These patients shall be transported to an appropriate 911 ambulance destination.
1.2
Effective 0001 hours, Saturday, February 14, 2009, Mary Immaculate Hospital (H 36) is no longer an authorized 911 ambulance destination. As such, NO PATIENTS shall be transported to this hospital. Patients shall be transported to an appropriate 911 ambulance destination.
1.3
Affected EMS units shall familiarize themselves with this directive, and utilize alternate receiving facilities when transporting patients.
2. RELATED PROCEDURES
2.1 EMS OGP 115-08, Delivery of Patients to an Appropriate Hospital

BY ORDER OF THE CHIEF OF EMS COMMAND

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

Now how do I react when not only my colleagues and I are affected by the closure, but my patients lives now too are being affected? If you live in S Queens and have a life threatening condition, God help you as you wait in line at the already over-burdened ER's that remain.

And from the Queens Chronical:

The two facilities provide healthcare to about 200,000 residents annually and employ 2,500 medical professionals and healthcare service workers.
A study by Marshall’s office in 2006 found that Queens is already lacking in services compared to other boroughs. Manhattan, with a population of 1.5 million, has 7.4 beds per 1,000 people. Queens, with a population of 2.3 million, has 1.4 beds per 1,000 people. That does not include the loss of the 250 beds following New Parkway Hospital’s closure in November.

Taking its toll

-
I wish I didnt worry as much as I do. I just wish I knew whats going on.

I just dont get it. I guess I imagined it to be so different...

Where Ya Been?

I'm sooo sorry. I know I've neglected my duties of updating the blogosphere on the chronicles of my so called life. Gheez I loved that show growing up...

Ok so since I cant decipher between which topic to roll with I'll opt for the bullet post once more.

• Nicks back!!! I really hope things start getting better for him. It hurts me so much to see what he's been going through. Hopefully the flight back to NYC will be symbolic of his liberation from all that's been troubling him. Nonetheless I have the utmost confidence in his ability to overcome most anything thrown in his direction.
  
  
  
• My being thrilled about his return was quickly clouted by a call from the DA's office yesterday. Apparently the DWI case was adjourned in light of their finding a new key witness, me. So the only way to convict this man, who so happens to live in my neighborhood, Is by my testifying that we did indeed witness him driving the vehicle he crashed. While all the phone calls and communication sure does make me feel wanted, I wish it would all just go away.
  
  
  
• I'm supposed to go on vacation in 2 weeks and was hoping for a road trip. Lord knows I need to escape. However since I'm not sure If my legal dept will be successful in helping me out of this trial, I may be forced to cancel and do something local with the kids.
  
  
  
• Lastly, I'm not regularly irregular any longer. While I don't expect you to understand what the heck that means, just know: I'm almost normal again :P

Gotta love this place

Think my job is safe from budget cuts? Think not!


NYC Mayor Bloomberg is proposing budget cuts that'll eliminate 30 EMT shifts and leave dozens of us without work. That's only a small piece however, of the proposed effort to bounce back NYC's tremendous budget deficit. He also wishes to cut the number of firefighters and police men responding to our cries for help.

Why not throw in the ever so stable career of public school teaching? We could possibly see 15,000 of them applying for unemployment along with us... Until they realize they've exhausted that benefit too. With that in mind apparently, he's decided it'll be necessary to increase the cities revenue, so we'll be seeing higher sales taxes now too.

Just for a Day

Just for a day I'd like to forget how much it hurts when the phone rings and your not there to answer. Just for a day, I'd like to forget how it tore me apart to hear you'd never again come home. Just for a day, I'd like to forgive myself for not protecting you. No more crying for you Dad, if only... just for a day.

We Just Get It

I listen... but even without words, I hear you. Somehow helping you through your pain, brings about relief of my own. Helping you overcome depression too, somehow relieves my own.

You once told me God knew exactly what he was doing when he brought us together. I thank him everyday now for doing so.

I understand why your withdrawing, because I'm doing it too.

Mandation

Snow's fun to play in, but certainly not commuting. Unfortunately New Yorkers are stubborn and still try to go about their everyday business despite the hazardous road conditions.

That being said, there's a higher than usual need for superheros today and I'm being forced to put my cape on too.

Oh No not Again

6 days no snow, 6 days no slipping on my butt. 6 days without 911 calls for people that've induced massive MI's while shoveling the snow or others that've busted their butt's as I have.

Driving to work and seeing the dept of sanitation spreading salt on the roads though kinda makes me wonder. Do they know something I don't? I cant take another snow storm. Not now, wait till I'm in Florida next month... Please!

S' Moore... YAY!

Friends fill a void in your heart. Help cleanse your soul and heal your wounds. Today I'm going to see a very special friend of mine that I'd consider a sister. My sister Moore.

One day God, quite literally, brought the wonder woman to my doorstep. In the months that followed we became inseparable as she even coached me through Gabby's birth. Looking back now, I went through some really tough times in Louisiana. Without her I doubt I'd be the strong person I am today. With my marriage slowly failing and nearly loosing my daughter, Michelle stood by me as our husband's were often away serving our country.

Being an Army wife isn't as glamorous as Lifetime makes it seem, but the bond that us spouses share is stronger than any I've come to know. Our time together seemed short lived, but I pray the ties between us will carry us forever.

'Miracle on the Hudson'

God has a plan for every single one of us. Whether we choose to acknowledge it or ignore it is solely our choice. If you've ever doubted his will before then I seriously hope the events of US Airways Flight 1549 touched your heart and made you reconsider.

No Thanks

Today's January 15th, the day I was supposed to meet with my academic counselor at BMCC to discuss my schedule for the spring semester. Instead, I'm skipping out. It's not what I want, just something I thought I'd feel comfortable doing.

I need to step out of this comfort zone and live my dreams. Stop making poor choices that make me happy today, and instead look towards tomorrow.

Someone

I'm not gonna give you the speech about how much I love music again. Instead just gonna post something a friend put me onto:

Someone - Musiq Soulchild

I never wanted a woman that wanted
Me for my name or material things
See
I always hope for a woman that's so sure, emotionally secure
With spiritual faith
A woman that I can trust with all of my secrets
And even listen to all of my issues
A woman who never judge
Me or how I was
She deals with me strictly through love

Chorus:
Someone who will put up with the things
Loving me can bring
But still be there to see us through
Someone who would put up
With the strange and complicated things
Cause I would do the same for her too
Someone who I can be real with
Aint gotta be perfect
Because loving one another is all that matters
It's not hard to explain
So believe me when I say
That I found all of that in you

All that I hope for a friendship that's so pure
A girl I can talk to bout whatever is on my heart
A woman that needs me
That trust and believes me
That wont take my kindness as some kind of weakness
A woman who bares her soul who is willing to let go
That wants me to lead her but knows how to take control
And when I am feeling down
Cause things are going wrong
She fills me up and makes me feel strong

Chorus:

You are that someone who loves me
Through all my inperfections
You know my heart is filled with nothing but good intentions
You are the one that told me
Long as we got us
Nothing matters
You are the one that sees the joy through the pain
You are my light through the rain
Here and now
Girl I am saying
It's you
You're my heart
It's you
Your that someone I can truly say that I'll never find another love like you

Repeat Chorus Til End...