Monday, April 27, 2009

I wanna write. I wanna fill you in... but everytime I try, I cant fight back the tears. I'm sorry.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009


Dreams, they meet us every night and often at various random moments throughout the day. But what do they mean? I personally believe dreams interpret our subconscious thoughts. Things that we perhaps avoid thinking about or dealing with sneaking up on us as we rest. There's no fighting it, its bothering you.

I dreamt a few weeks ago that another friend at work was pregnant leaving me to be the only woman in the office who's not. Deep inside I know the dream dealt with my feelings of depression surrounding the fact that I'll probably cant.

Just the other night I woke up crying after an argument with a very good friend of mine. I cant remember the details of the argument anymore, but know that it entailed him confessing a lack of pleasure between us and other words spoke that hurt so much. But the truth is, these are all thought Ive conjured up but never dealt with. About how lonely Ive been, about how tired I am of being constantly let down and my loss of desire to please him as I once did.

Jes' just confessed that he was upset about a dream that he had last night too. He dreamed that we passed each other in the garage at work like we've done time and time again. Only this time, he says I stopped to tell him that my boyfriend had commanded that I stop talking with him and delete all my guy friends from my cellphone. Now I know Jes is obsessed with me, but thats cool. See he knows that my hearts not available because its still in undeserving hands. Nonetheless our friendship will always be just that, a friendship. Apparently he subconsciously fears he'll lose that too.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

I Should

I dont know who I am,
who I am without you.
All I know is that I should.

~Missy Higgins; Where I stood~

Sunday, April 12, 2009

All or Nothing

I'm still working on interpreting the info supplied to me by SH. Could a comedian really have a clue? Combined with the book Ang gave me... all signs lead to a dead end. I cant possibly make it out of this shining. I've done nothing but stand around and wait. Waiting for days and weeks for some sign of hope and just when I think it finally comes, its gone just as quickly. Things were so much simpler when it was just about having fun. I realize now though that we'll never get back to those days nor do I wish to. Now that I see his full potential, I want it all or nothing at all.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Cutting the Strings

I just finished reading this book titled Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man by Steve Harvey. Apparently this book has caused an uproar amongst men and woman alike. Man are upset about SH advising woman to make men take care of them, while woman finally understand why men do the things they do.

The book goes on to say that no matter how wonderful a woman is, if a guy doesn't feel secure in his manhood he will not stay no matter the circumstances. He also goes on to argue that men don't love the same way us women do, that because of this its easier for them to stray away and have an affair. He also offers some advice in determining a mans intentions by giving examples of things a guy would say or do if he felt you were a keeper vs something he can string around.

While I have mixed feelings about his suggesting we make men take care of us, I do however agree when he suggests we applaud their efforts. A simple thank you can go a long way. If he's genuinely deserving of recognition, give it. If not... give it anyway. Soon enough he'll live up to that superman title.

Tuesday, April 07, 2009


Ok I know I haven't exactly been the most entertaining blogger. Dammit I'm probably the least with all my drama. Aside from my usual gloomy posts, I'm thrilled to announce the addition of two little miracles named Toby and Brianna. Ang plus two are doing quite well!

I had the wonderful experience of witnessing their birth and cant wait for all the milestones that'll follow.
Happy Birthday!!!

Sunday, April 05, 2009


I was helping Arriana with a project tonight in which she had to write about an influential family member. She was asked to complete a timeline of major events in my life. I thought it was pretty cool and id share it with you. After all, sharing is caring ;)

Born to Marlene Smith and Allen Flores in Flushing, NY.

My father became ill and my curiosity and willingness to
care for him sparked my interest in healthcare.

Became a mother to Arriana, 2 months before graduating high

Attended Kingsborough Community College.

Moved to Louisiana where I became an Army wife.

Added Gabby to our Goof troop.

Moved to Florida where I pursued a career as a Nurses
Assistant, aiding persons with terminal illness.

Shortly after separating from my marriage, I learned that my father
was becoming increasingly ill and opted to return to New York to care for

Made the transition from that of serving terminal patients, to
instead saving them as I became certified as an Emergency Medical

My father passed away suddenly following a brief illness.

... this is where I stopped. I cant go on any longer, not only because nothing noteworthy has really happened. But... I just lost interest.

Let me in

Sometimes all it takes is a simple question to leave you sitting here all night wondering... why'd you ask that?

Saturday, April 04, 2009

The CitiField Experience

I've looked forward to this day for many weeks, and while the excitement was kinda taken away suddenly yesterday I still looked forward to it. After all... it was the pre-game show that I was most excited about.

I purchased two seats in the new home of The Mets, Citifield, in hopes of sharing it with my MVP. At the last minute I had to replace him with a fan that only made it through 5 innings. Nonetheless my first experience of Citifield was quite pleasant. Had I arrived on time I wouldn't have had to deal with the parking nightmare, but well... you know me. Otherwise I'm soo loving the new home!