Monday, May 29, 2006

Just My Luck...

I skipped out of work early today, hoping to spare the last few hours of this holiday weekend and do something special with the girls. We went to this nice area off the belt pkwy here in Brooklyn. It's a really nice place to relax and enjoy nature at its finest, which is rare in NYC. I know the spot mainly because it was a spot I'd go to as a frisky teen with my dates. But that's another story. :)

We watched the wind surfers take advantage of the wonderful breeze, grilled some grub and collected a few sea shells. I must say it was very nice to visit a piece of the ocean that hasn't been transformed for tourists. Just like our favorite spots in FL, there were no boardwalks or crowds. However this is my life were talking about here, so what could possibly rain on my parade? RAIN!!!

Yep, it doesn't rain all week, until I decide to soak up sum of the sun. Nonetheless I even enjoyed the thunderstorm... Hope you had a very enjoyable day too!

Sunday, May 28, 2006

Goodbye BigDawg

I regret blowing off my plans with Elena Friday night. If only I had known what the rest of the weekend would've looked like. Saturday I volunteered to go into work for a bit for some overtime. Then we get a phone call from BigDawg saying he's too tired to come in tonight. We made several attempts to call for someone to cover, but were unsuccessful. Guess who got to stay all night? Yours truly. Wonderful!

Now as if that wasn't bad enough, at about 1am I get an Instant Message from BigDawg wanting to chat. At this point I've had it with the lies that he's filled my head up with for months now and just wanted to vent. I had plans this weekend. I wanted to do something special to un-wind and forget about the week from hell I had... but here he was playing hooky at my expense.

I warned him that I was not in a very good mood, and that If he continued to poke and mess with me, I may say something that I regret. Well now, I did say some pretty mean things, although not half as bad as I wished. I think the end of our friendship has come....

Friday, May 26, 2006

Did U Miss Me?

Three whole days without blogging? Wow where do I begin? Well I blew off my plans with Elena tonight. We've been trying to plan a day to go see a movie together for a few weeks now. Sorry Elena, love ya but I've had one hell of a week.
The week started off bad, pretty much because of shit head. He's upset that Im not willing to pull him out from the whole he's dug up for himself. Ice was a stupid geek that thanks to the power of the internet, created this whole character that my naive self, fell for.
Next...BigDwag came to work the same shift as me the other day and was casually asked by a co-worker if he had a date to her wedding yet? She then, in an attempt to be economical, suggested we go together. I said ok, but BigDawg found offense to it. He thought that meant that he could get what he wants, a real date with me. Sorry to disappoint you, But your still not getting any BigDawg. SO now he says he'll let me know if he decides to let me go with him. Ya know it would be really F'ucked up if he says no. I think that alone would be enough to drop him from my list of friends since he knows how much I really want to go.
Then there's Kenny, who I've given up on. HE told Elena that he's ashamed to ask me out, being that he's unemployed at the moment. Yeah what ever... I've given up on him too. So what???
All this was followed up by a crazy ass week at work, but on a brighter note...Armando is still alive, lol.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

It's Started Early Today

When will this drama end? I was feeling rather good this morning, checking out my favorite website and a few good laughs. When the Ex had to call and ruin my day... Couldn't give me a break. Apparently he's upset because he's been caught by child support enforcement. He owes our children $3,000 in un-paid support.

He wants me to spare him. Help him?? When he left us, we were evicted from our home, I lost my car, was homeless for two weeks, and had to lose everything and move to NY to be with family. Where the hell was he when I was crying for help? Why should I give a damn now. The judge spared him at our initial child support hearing, because he was an ex-service member who was currently unemployed. All he has to pay for his share of support is a whopping $60 a week, for 2 kids. That's insane, and he still refused to pay even though he's been gainfully employed for well over a year.

So why am I digressing over this? Well it's not so easy to hate someone you've loved for so long. We met in High School and started a family very early, he joined the military and we moved down south. There were many good times, but then somehow things took a turn for the worse. Don't get me wrong I never wanna be with him again, but I still cant find it within me to cause pain to someone else. So excuse me guys, but I may be in a rather bad mood all day!

Monday, May 22, 2006

Monday Drama, with the Weekend Leftovers

Where Do I start? I've had the weekend from hell, and just when I thought it would get better, It took a turn for the worse today.

Lets see, Saturday I was sitting down doing some math and figuring out just how much I'll be able to afford for a new apartment for me and my daughters. So... I decided to call everyone that owes me, including the Ex. He give me the same old story about how he's barely making ends meet himself right now. I don't wanna hear anymore excuses, I just wanna know if you'll be paying back any of the thousands of dollars that you owe your children. No, ok good bye!!!

Then his sister calls me later and tells me that she and the rest of the family are concerned that he may be using drugs. Just great sure does explain a lot. Of course I'm all emotional at this point and just want some to lean on. That's when good ole' Joe comes in. He has impeccable timing, as always. He sends me a quick text message on my phone telling me that he and the kids are at universal studios and was just thinking about me. I swear we have this telepathy thing going.

See, I met Joe in FL after my husband left me, and his wife left him. We were both left with children and a household to run alone, living a few blocks away from each other. Ever since the day we met on the playground with the kids, Joe was always the one to turn to for comfort, until that is, when I left for NY. Needless to say, we chatted until 2 am. As long as I needed to. He did what he does best, turned my frown upside down.

Then this morning came and I'd realize that Armando had been MIA all weekend following his own bout of depression, leaving me worried for him. I wrote to his ex-wife who reassured me that he was ok. Sigh... What a relief. Next in the timeline is ICE, who finally after chatting on AIM for a few weeks, finally gets the courage to call me. This ass was caught in too many lies to even be mentioned in my blog anymore. He's not worthy any longer, once I catch a man in a lie...He's gone. Major ones at that, like age, having kids and occupation...Oh come one, atleast try to remember the lies you've told. SHIT!!! Oh... And NO I DON'T SOUND LIKE A RED-NECK!!!
Then the ex-husband has to top the icing on the cake and call me at work. He wants me to contact the child support office and tell them that we're agreeing to settle the debt that he owes and in return he will promise to pay on time in the future. God, please tell me when this day will end???? I'm honestly afraid of what tomorrow will bring. I'd call Joe, but I don't want to burden him anymore, besides Florida is too far away to drive for a much needed hug. :(

Sunday, May 21, 2006

Did I Say That?

I want to take a brief moment to share this awesome forum that I've found on a friends page. Im so addicted to this place now. Go see for yourself what's going on.

Did I Say That?

...Tell them SxyMom sent ya!!!

To Share or Not to Share

I'm dealing with a struggle that I'm sure most blogger's deal with. Whether or not to allow your blog to be found by friends and family. I want so bad to share my thoughts with the world, but I'm worried that something I say could offend someone. This blog was created with the intent of venting my inner most feelings, feelings that perhaps should stay just that, mine.
Sigh....What to do, what to do?

Saturday, May 20, 2006

Woo, Hoo....I have an actual person reading and commenting on my blog! I hope this doesn't mean that I need to censor anything. I find this blog to be more along the lines of a journal. Maybe even a meager attempt at venting my emotional rollercoaster.

I'll just play it safe and keep my url address from friends and family...
...Boring Friday night. No where to go, and no one to do :(

Wednesday, May 17, 2006

Dont Eat Where You Sleep

Nothing noteworthy to mention today. No contact with the outside world other than work today. Which by the way, is part of my problem.

One note to all of you who think dating co-workers is a good idea......ITS NOT!!! I've always been against the idea. However since just like today, I don't get to have real interaction often, meeting someone at work always seems to come when I'm feeling lonely. I've dated two guys at work in the several years that I've been there. One worked at another office about 30 miles away, and on another shift. The other on the same shift, but once again in another office. Both relationships went bad and now worse. See this new position that I have in the company forces me to work with not one, but both of them in the same office often at the same time. Phew... Talk about making someone a bit uncomfortable? It's just not possible to avoid those awkward moments anymore.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Currently Accepting Applications

I'm getting that 'I need to feel loved by someone other than my kids' feeling again. I don't know why I prefer not to be in a relationship now. Im enjoying the freedom. I guess after being with someone for as long as I was, It should take some time to move on. After our separation, I felt like I needed to find a replacement quickly. I dated some guys for all the wrong reasons, and broke some hearts along the way. I suppose I must be a good catch if I'm still friends with all of them to this day. I could have anyone of them by simply making a call, but I don't want that. I want something that I couldn't find in any of them, and until now, had given up hope. I think I may begin accepting applications again...

Monday, May 15, 2006

Same Shit Different Day

Happy Belated Mother's Day!!!

Sorry I've been kinda MIA the past few days. No really good excuse, just been too damn lazy to blog, and really nothing magical to blog about.
Work 's been getting better, Im still single and having fun. Same shit, different day...

Catch You Later!!!

Saturday, May 13, 2006

Ice Ice Baby

I had yet another great night of chatting with ICE . I came home depressed and upset that It was so late and thought I had possibly missed him tonight. I began to get very frustrated at myself for not meeting him on time as planned. This is usually when my recent relationships went bad, trying to make and keep plans. However I did catch him, he was actually getting ready for bed when he decided to check for me first.
So, here's what I've learned of ICE so far: He's hot, funny, hot, sexy, thoughtful, hot, a great dad, hot, very family oriented and oh yeah hot. Where It goes from here...Who knows, but I sure do like having someone to turn to to make me laugh when I'm feeling depressed, I really I hope I don't screw this one up too. Between family and work, my life's very complicated, but perhaps I just haven't had the right motivation for a lasting relationship. For sure, one thing I lacked in the past was the physical attraction....Which is very obviously there in ICE. So... Lets see!!!!

Thursday, May 11, 2006

Ding Ding... Do We Have a Winner?

Why do I always fall head first? A few days ago someone winked at me on one of those online dating sites. I replied, even though I don't normally respond unless they have a picture.

Well...After chatting for a few, he finally sent me a picture. OMG what a hunk.... And he too is a single parent. DING DING I think I've found a winner. He's so funny and really gets my strange humor.

But I cant help but wanna kick myself in the ass. Why am I doing this to myself? I'm falling fast again. Too fast? I hope not. I don't want to have high hopes again, and get them torn away along with a piece of my heart again.

Is is better to have loved and lost, or to have never loved at all?

I say love....Sure it hurts but it feels so damn good. I'll take him up on the second date offer.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Work Hazards

Ouch I've got a boo-boo and no one to kiss it for me!!!!

Working on the road Tech'ing has its hazards. We are constantly lifting, and exposing ourselves to hazardous conditions. But today I worked in dispatch. A job that has next to no risk of injury. However leave it to me and my luck to get hurt, I GOT A PAPER CUT :(

Ouch... boo boo hurt!!!

Otherwise It was a pleasant day. I started the day doubting myself, but it went rather smoothly.

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Migraine's, Drama and Ice Cream

Sorry I skipped out on my blog last night. I had the worst migraine since as far back as I can remember. Yesterday was my first day on the day shift working in my dispatch center. OMG what a difference in pace. I was given all of about 40 minutes training before they threw me out to the wolves, Its amazing...I applied for this position 6 months ago, was called in 3 months ago for a "try out", and was given all of about 5 days notice to begin. One of those hurry up and wait kinda scenario's, and now they expect me to just be thrown out there and do the same job as someone who's been doing this for years. Hence the migraine.

Well... On a better note, today went better. After a full nights sleep and a better understanding of what's expected, I made it through. Tonight I'm feeling well enough to blog about it all, and throw in a little Ben and Jerry's (I'll hate myself in the morning) while I curl up and read some great postings. I would call Kenny and chat for a while, but its probably too late. Besides this blog stuff is really great. Some of this stuff is reminiscent of skimming through my sisters diary, talk about drama!!!

Sunday, May 07, 2006

Weekend Drama Update

I just got back from my Sunday swim with the girls and wanted to blog my weekend of drama. This weekend was quite interesting. It all started Friday night. I went out with Elena, her fiance and their best friend Kenny. How convenient would it be if me and Kenny hooked up since were always together every weekend anyway? Well apparently Elena's been trying to work her magic, and hook us up. Only problem is that he's too shy to approach me. My problem is that I'm not into shy guys. I need a "whisper in my ear: come lets go sneak to the bathroom for a minute" kinda guy. I'm not so sure that he could live up to that. Or... Maybe I'll have to help him a little.
Ok so Friday night was a bust, all we did was go to a loud bar and play pool and stuff... Couldn't exactly chat. I guess we'll have to chat on the next date this weekend. Yes I'm allowing a second!

Then Saturday and Sunday consisted of mostly house work, cooking, cleaning and other related chores. Sometime in between I discovered that I was being played by the BigDawg.

Thanks to the power of myspace, I discover that I'm not the only one he's been trying to win. See there's some chick that happens to be advertising that she's going to the Bahamas conviently at the same time that BigDawg is. She's not a sister, and not his ex-wife either, but they both have one another in 1st place in the top friends area. I'm not sure why this pisses me off, considering I don't want him. I knew all along not to mess with someone who's been trying to cheat on his wife for over a year. I'm sure he did too, but thankfully not with me.

Ok I'm off... When I'm pissed off I tend to wanna cook. Maybe I'll bring a nice batch of oatmeal cookies to the new co-workers in the morning.

Friday, May 05, 2006

Lets GO Mets!!!

Free Image Hosting at
OH Yeah take it off Beltran!!!

Free Image Hosting at

...Probably fake, but oh well. A girl can dream cant she, lol.


Happy Get Drunk Friday!!!

...And Yes I plan on celebrating. Elena's pretty much forcing me to go out with her and the guys tonight. Hang out with a bunch of single, hot cops...Absolutely. So, given the special occasion, we've decided to skip dinner and the movie and go directly to the bars, so we'll pass go, do not collect $200, get drunk off our ass and maybe if Im lucky I'll be handcuffed and put into a private cell by the end of the night.

I've learned through time not to get my hopes up though, and to just go with the flow. Anyone that knows me, knows that I wouldn't wander off with a guy that I just met anyway. Although now that Im finally feeling some closure with the Big Dawg situation, Im ready to have a great night. Working with him all week and having to spend long nights together again at work, has brought back the old buddy I thought I'd lost. We laughed, joked and had a great time, just like the old days. SO ...In response to my previous post, yes It is possible to go back to "just friends".

Thursday, May 04, 2006

I don't care who's winking on

Why does it seem like now that I have cancelled my subscription to those online dating sites, that I've been getting more emails and winks then ever. I'm telling you, I'm addicted. They're drawing my curiosity. The "what If" is driving me crazy. I'm gonna be strong and resist the urge to reinstate my subscriptions. I'm just so damn tired of wasting my money on these places. So far I've had nothing but bad luck with these sites. We never really show our true selves on these sites. We write what we hope someone else wants to hear. Otherwise I would've never bothered with a few like the Turkish man that stalks me every day for a year now in attempt of getting what I believe to be a green card, and the military captain that wants to punish me If the sex is bad by making me sleep on the floor and drink from a bowl. LOL... All that on just the first date!!! Hello... Can you say wierdo's? Maybe that's why I'm not really interested in dating right now. I'm sure there really are some great guys out there, but until I can tell if he's playing with a full deck of cards first... I'm much better off where I am now.

Of course my friends beg to differ. You see Elena, my best friend, is kidnapping me and forcing me out on a double date this weekend. Despite last weekend's mishap and accidentally falling asleep beforehand, I'm actually a bit optimistic this time. Kenny's a bit shy and asked Elena to please set up a double date. We'll do the whole movies and dinner thing, then they want to go back to the city for drinks and dancing. I'm into the dinner and movie, but depending on how the first half of the night goes, I'll have to let you know where I allowed it to go from there.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

Valuable Lessons

I did it!!! I stayed focused on work all night and didn't let my emotions get the better of me. I love BigDawg very much... but as a friend. I don't know where the path started to sway in the other direction, but I'm going to do my best to get that friendship back.

As for my new work assignment, I'm loving it. After spending another day in the office, I realized just how awesome this group of people are. I do have one qualm though.... I'm wondering if I'll miss being on the road tech'ing. It may not be glorious. We may not get a great deal of recognition for the hard work we do, nonetheless seeing the look on the faces of people whom I've made happy, even if only for a few minutes or so, has made all the difference. My reward is that smile when I wish them well and say good bye. The smile from the 85 year old stroke survivor who has no family and is forced to live in a nursing home. The chemotherapy patient going for yet another round of draining therapy just to prolong her life to attempt to make it to her daughters wedding. For the new mother who's baby stopped breathing...

Why you ask do it do this? I have seen first hand how important a good care provider is to the quality of life of these sick people. After working hospice and helping to make the most of my patients last days, I've come to appreciate not only what I do for them, but what they do for me. I may not have made the best of choices in my life, but I don't regret any of them. Each one has taught me a valuable lesson.

Tuesday, May 02, 2006

Can you really go backwards?

I get a phone call today from Bigdawg, asking if I wanted to come by and earn some extra credit from the teacher. You see, tonight I begin my new training at work, and guess who's training me? Don't get me wrong he's a great guy and it made me smile, but I couldnt ....

Let me take you to where it all began a little over a year ago...

I walk in to work one night and discover a new face. He was very funny and stocky, just the way I like 'em. After sharing many laughs and treating him to a 2am frosty from Wendys, I discovered the man was married. Just my luck!!! Ok, well we didn't do anything wrong and enjoyed the new friendship. We would bring each other snacks and share a lunch together and stay up all night chatting. It was great. Until Valetines day came around and other co-workers began to wonder why we were exchanging gifts, especially given he was married. Granted there was nothing more than that. Then before I knew it a whole year went by and we drifted apart. I began working the day shift and he began school. Until one day he calls me crying, his wife wants him out of the house... Naturally being the good friend I am, I offered help. He moved in with his best friend and I took him to walmart for house wares and all that stuff. I took my kids along, and treated him to Chuck E Cheese too, figuring it would cheer him up. Well he got the impression that I was trying to begin a relationship with him. I'm sure what we did in his room didn't help any either, but that was so not what I had intended.... sigh.
I really liked the friendship we had, and miss the innocent flirting. But now its all gone because In my opinion, It is impossible to be friends with benefits, and then go back to just being friends. Now for tonight, I'm gonna sit there all night and attempt to be trained by him. I know I can do it, I'm pretty good at hiding my emotions. But can he? I'll have to update you in the AM...