'Nuff Said

Do you believe in fortunes and stuff? I added an application on Crackbook that gives you daily tarot card readings as well as horoscopes. It's been getting kinda creepy though. Sure most of the time, I've seen the statements so generalized that they could probably apply to even my 6yr old daughter, but these lately have been kinda freaky.

"Lisa,
You might be in charge, but that doesn't give you the right to work other people beyond their capacities. Try not to become intimate with your co-workers. A strong attraction may be there, but it should not be acted upon. Your love life will improve if you get out and enjoy the company of friends and relatives."

PMS'ing

What do you say when someone asks you how your doing? Do you give the standard, "fine thank you" or do you give them an ear full? Why do we ask how someone's doing if we really don't care what their reply is anyway? Maybe it's just the my up bringing (which is far from perfect), or my morals, but even If I don't care... I'll still ask.

I'll admit however that sometimes I find myself answering questions about myself and not politely returning the question. Maybe I just don't care too much for the questions being asked, or maybe I just don't care to hear your reply. I don't give a shit what you had for breakfast and when you had your last bowel movement so please don't ask me, K?!


It's quite possible that I'm just PMS'ing right now and can look back at this post next week and laugh, but tonight I'll leave you with that shit on your plate.

5yr plan

Beware: I've been thinking alot again lately. First my annual evaluation at work went quite well. With the timing & Bipolar being fired, I honestly was quite concerned but apparently had no reason to be. I'm a pretty straight forward person. If you have a problem with me, tell me. I'll fix it! Anyway, I'm told I keep a low profile. Apparently so low that the damn president and half the managers don't know my name?! Do I give a shit? Of course not. Keeping a low profile probably isn't a bad idea in that place. But if you ask me to reach out more frequently to them, then I'll do it. The one thing I found most useful however during my meeting was a comment Jeff made about my reply to the "where do you see yourself in 5 yrs" question. I gave him the politically correct "furthering my education to advance my opportunities" answer that any boss would expect to hear, his reply however is what has me thinking.

Jeff suggested that I reconsider my wishes and make sure I'm doing it because I really want it for me, not for any other reason. Is he for real? He's seriously asking me to think some more?!

Ask me now where I want to be in 5 yrs and... I'll tell you otherwise. I want to be as far away from NYC as possible. I want a family again, someone to wake up next to in the morning. Walk to the other end of our Victorian style home to cook Sunday morning breakfast. The kids must've smelled the bacon cooking as they stumble in and offer a hand in the kitchen... So and and so forth.

More than a career, more than furthering my education, more than anything else... I want love and the lifestyle back again. I'll need to sit down and consider just how to make this happen. Unfortunately its not as simple to shop for a companion as it is to apply to a school dropping an application and $25 fee in the mail.

Wake Up Call

Allow me to paint a pretty picture in your head.

The alarm clock goes off, as usual I beg for mercy and press the snooze button. 5 minutes later it goes off again and I realize I need to get my ass out of bed to get the kids to school on time. I sit up and start my day like I do every morning, walking with one eye barely open, as I leave my room and head to the bathroom to pee. Along the way I pass my living room with brand new ashley leather sofa's and a BUM sleeping on them?!

WTF?! Am I dreaming or did I really just see the same homeless guy who begged me for some change in front of dunkin donuts sleeping on my sofa? Hang on, let me wipe my ass and go back in there. Yes, it's true! Apparently my brother says he was out with him last night and felt bad that he had no where to go. With it being cold and raining he agreed to let the bum sleep on my sofa, without my consent!



See mom... I'm telling you I don't beat the crap out of my little brother for no reason!

Your Fired

I started bitching and blogging about how upset I am with him right now, but then was interrupted by a phone call from Bipolar. Apparently our company decided to "eliminate" his position as my supervisor. I must say he had to have seen if coming though. Seriously, we've watched in awe as nearly half of the supervisors and managers were handed their walking papers in recent months. When the advertisement for Dispatch Supervisor was posted, I immediately knew better than to apply. They're famous for hiring people to help fix things and like the greedy people they are, will drop your ass as soon as they feel they can take control. So what was the incentive for Bipolar to accept the position? A measly $1! Yup you've got it, one whole dollar and three times the work.

I could say I told him so. Seeing as I warned him prior, but he's my friend and I kinda feel for him.

A Groovy Kinda Love

Ever love someone so much that you'd do anything for them? Would you do something totally spontaneous like fly 1000 miles to help him/her?
Ok, so your probably wondering how my road trip went with Nick. I couldn't possibly have gone any better.
It started rather rough with my flight being delayed 2 hours, which made my brief sightseeing tour run through the dark hours of the night. Nonetheless the trip was full of wonderful surprises and two goof-balls having a blast. When the jokes grew old we spent a few hours talking about our personal situations and reminiscing about childhood in the hood, and then as always ending it with smiles and our famous hugs.

Road Trip

I did it! I told Ray off so hopefully he'll stop leaving me all those nasty comments on myspace, but more importantly I told Nick yes! I'm flying out tonight and should arrive in Atlanta around 10-ish. I'm so excited. Nick and I always have a good time together, if I could only choose one friend to be with me through a difficult time, I'd have to choose him. We both have gone through so much recently and have been the only person we could be completely honest to without conviction. We always seem to get caught up like two kids rolling in the mud in their church clothes and then return home to mom's questioning.





Anyway I'll be leaving here around 5pm, should hopefully be back tomorrow afternoon. If all goes well I'll be back to blog about it later in the day. If for some reason I'm not back, it's safe to assume we were arrested for some lewd and lascivious behavior on I-95.

Strength

How do you do it? How do you see countless lives torn apart. Babies born too early, mom's and dad's, brother's and sister's that'll never come home? How do you see pain and heartache everyday and lay your head on your pillow at the end of it all expecting to fall asleep?!

When you find the secret, please share!

Overtime

900 miles and 14 hours! That's how long it'll take Nick and I to get back to NY from Atlanta. That leaves a whole lot of in between time for the two of us to get caught up.

Road Rage

So I get a letter in the mail today from the Dept of Motor vehicles advising me that I failed to respond to a ticket issued to me for what they label as improper use of a cell phone while driving. WTF?! I was issued a ticket in July for allegedly talking on my phone while driving. I didn't feel I should've been ticketed in the first place, however I have total respect for authority so I took the ticket rather than starting a riot, and did what I was instructed to do. I mailed the ticket in with my not guilty plea and requested a court date. So why three months later do I get a letter in the mail telling me that my drivers license will be suspended by the end of the month unless I either pay or appear in person to request a hearing? Asswipes... I did what I was supposed to do! So needless to say I'll be spending an entire day in the DMV office sometime this week.

Speaking of driving. I'll be taking a bit of a road trip with Nick this week. Last month when he went back to Atlanta he took his car with him wanting to return and accept a transfer back home. Being back home full time however began to once again cause some tension so he'll be coming back to NY. He's asked me to help him make the drive back, so he'll be flying me out there and we'll drive back together...eventually. I must say I'm quite excited I love long road trips and it'll give us the opportunity to catch up on lost times. We've got lots of catching up to do which is why he says he couldn't think of anyone else he'd rather be stuck with... aww I feel so loved :P

Look Out Below

Sometimes I wonder If I should toughen up some more. Lets face it with my occupation, I've learned to suck things up and keep moving. But why with relationships do I like to keep things civil after the breakup? This is certainly not as much of a problem for me as it is for some of the guys I've dated. Seriously guys If we're no longer together it was either because you were either unfaithful, non trustworthy or just plain old disrespectful, with the exception of the captain, where we just mutually agreed to end it for more difficult reasons. So tell me why? Why do I get text messages and myspace comments from your ass 6 months later telling me that you miss me and think of me often? Why do you invite me to come over knowing that I'll say no just like every other time? Why cant you just understand that I have no intentions of being with you again and need to move on?!
Seriously, It's driving me to the point where I'll explode and it wont be pretty. I don't wanna be nice and lead them to believe there's hope, when in a reality I really wouldn't mind if they dropped off the face of the earth!

Simplified Beauty

Ever stop to really notice how beautiful life is? Seriously. Living in the city we have just about everything we could ever need within a 5 mile radius. Need a hospital? In NYC we've got plenty. Have a taste for some exotic cuisine? Yep we've got all of them too! What you don't find here very often though, is nature and it's simplified beauty. Spending these past few days driving to and from Rockland County has certainly fed my fascination of nature. The leaves turning with the season, the deer hoping not to be disturbed, the mountains and the way the clouds braze the very top of them... who could ask for anything more beautiful that the sun's rays reflecting over the hudson river?! I could! I would ask for a home out there to enjoy it all on a regular basis. Seriously, I've built rapport with the staff of Rockland County Sheriffs office and have been certified with their 911 operators, damn I've even got certification from the National Crime Information Center. I'm fairly confident I could get decent employment if I ever wanted to...

Gives me yet another thing to think about. Besides, with all signs of the fall of my current company, it may be wise to start thinking outside the box.

I've got one monster of a headache this morning. I don't know whether to crawl back into bed or seek help. It started last night at work, now it's becoming almost unbearable. So much so, that I don't feel like staying online which for me is pretty rare.

Anyway, hope you have a good day!

I'm never comfortable with the idea of watching someone I care for go through something alone. We've all had our fair share of personal battles. Had it not been for my friends and family supporting me through my own, I'd probably be a big mess.
I wish I could say the magic words and make things all better, but the truth is this time I have very little control. This particular physical problem is not as bad as the psychological impact it leaves. So although I cant help heal him, I can at least do my best to bring my Smiley back!