Thursday, October 30, 2008

Golden Rules

With tons of co-workers sending me emails, I sometimes cant find the time to read the chain letters and crazy stuff they fwd to everyone in the office. One email from Azure however caught my attention and captured my heart and mind:

Golden rules for finding your life partner by Dov Heller, M.A

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a
life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate
of close to 50%, it appears that many are making serious mistakes in
their approach to finding Mr./Miss. Right!
If you ask most couples who are engaged why they're
getting married, they'll say: 'We're in love'; I believe this is the #1
mistake people make when they date. Choosing a life partner should never
be based on love.
Though this may sound 'not politically correct', there's a profound
Truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married.
Rather, love is the result of a good marriage. When the other
ingredients are right, then the love will come. Let me say it again:
'You can't build a lifetime relationship on love alone'; you need a lot more!!!
Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you're
serious about finding and keeping a life partner.

Do we share a common life purpose?
Why is this so important? Let me put it this way: If
you're married for 20 or 30 years, that's a long time to live with
someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel,
eat and jog together?
You need to share something deeper and more meaningful.
You need a common life purpose. Two things can happen in a
marriage: (1) You can grow together, or (2) you can grow apart. 50% of
the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you
need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone
who wants the same thing.

Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and
thoughts with this person?
This question goes to the core of the quality of your
Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this
person. The
Basis of having good communication is trust - I.e.
Trust that I won't get 'punished'; or hurt for expressing my honest
thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as
someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings.
Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe
with the person you plan to marry.

Is he/she a mensch?
A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive
person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on
personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving
A teacher of mine defines a good person as 'someone who
is always striving to be good and do the right thing'; so ask about your
Significant other what do they do with their time? Is this person
Usually a materialistic person is not someone whose top
priority is character refinement. There are essentially two types of
people in the world: (1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and
(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in
life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the
right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

How does he/she treat other people?
The one most important thing that makes any relationship
work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ability to give
another person pleasure. Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure
to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed? To
measure this, think about the following:
* How do they treat people whom they do not have to be
nice to, Such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc.?
* How do they treat their parents and siblings?
* Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don't
havegratitude for the people who have given them everything;
* Can you do nearly as much for them? You can be sure
that someone
Who treats others poorly will eventually treat you
poorly as well.

Is there anything I'm hoping to change
about this person after we're married?
Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone
with the intention of trying to 'improve'; them after they're married.
As a colleague of mine puts it: 'You can probably expect someone to
change after marriage for the worse' if you cannot fully accept this
person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.
In conclusion, dating doesn't have to be difficult and
treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and
less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you
are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the
key issues. Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up
with a ring on your finger, you don't want to find yourself in trouble
because you didn't do your homework.

Another perspective. ...
There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a
distance.... (some of yall may need to read that again)
It's amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least
minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships.
Observe the relationships
around you. (This statement feeds into my thoughts on 'Do Not Make
Someone a Priority In Your Life, When All You Are Is Just An Option For

Pay attention... .
Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones
encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth
uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people
do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don't
really understand, know, or appreciate you?

The more you seek quality, respect, growth, peace of
mind, love and
truth around you...the easier it will become for you to
decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the
balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, 'Before you get married, keep
both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye'; Before you get
involved and make a commitment to someone, don't let lust, pity,
desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low
self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and
don't fool yourself that you can change someone or that what you see as
faults aren't really that important.
* Do you bring out the best in each other?
* Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or
do you
compete, compare and control?
* What do you bring to the relationship?
* Do you bring past relationships, past hurt, past
mistrust, past pain?
* You can't take someone to the altar to alter them.
* You can't make someone love you or make someone stay.
* If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and 'a life';
you won't find yourself making someone else responsible for your
happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and
security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

7. DAILY EXCHANGES (meal, shared activity, hug, call, touch, notes),
If these qualities are missing, the relationship will
erode as resentment withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace it.

Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Failures keep You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But.........Only God keeps You Going!
'In search for me, I discovered truth.
In search for truth, I discovered love and in search for love, I discovered God.
In God, I have found everything.'
'Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goals....'
Author Unknown

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Life in a Game


1 : feeling sorrow, regret, or penitence

2 : mournful , sad

3 : inspiring sorrow, pity, scorn, or ridicule : pitiful

Sorry... a word used too much, yet to many means so little.

I was in the local pharmacy picking up my meds when Gabby asked me to purchase a board game for her. As a family, the girls and I still enjoy some good old fashioned fun from time to time. Her choice today, the game Sorry. Ironically though the game really doesn't reflect anything you sincerely are sorry for doing. You bump someone out of their current status and simply reply "sorry" as you force them to return to start again.

How often we say were sorry and aren't truly sincere?

Sunday, October 26, 2008


Although it was exactly 6 months ago, I remember the moment as if it were yesterday. I was driving home from Joe's, having just entered I-95 when my phone rang. It was Mom. I thought she was calling me to laugh again about how silly her day out with Dad was. Instead she was calling me to tell me that he was sick, very sick indeed. With the adrenaline pumping I did what I was taught to do, asking the appropriate questions. His chest pains and the fact that he had an unusual amount of physical activity told me this could be a heart attack. I gave Mom some quick instructions and told her to call 911 immediately.
I should've been there, I've feared this day since I was a little girl. The day the life I'd fight to save, would the one who gave me life. But I wasn't there... instead I was 1300 miles away.

When Mom arrived at the hospital and they ruled out any immediate life threatening problems, she called me so I could breathe a breath of relief. I thought he'd be ok and told her to call me later when he got admitted. The next morning the whole family went to visit, all except me. I'd planned on returning in 2 days and honestly thought he'd make it, but he didn't. Everyone got to say goodbye, everyone except me. If I'd got in the car right away and returned to NY I could've seen what was going on, I could've advocated for him. At the very least I could've said goodbye.


I have a great deal of respect for my elders. Having already survived numerous battles, their guidance and words of wisdom have helped me become the person I am today.

In his drunken stupor, without knowing the details, he tells me:

“Never give up on something that you can't go a day without thinking about. ”

The strong independant woman inside me tells me to stop calling, stop texting, stop worrying about him... but my heart silences their voices.

Saturday, October 25, 2008

2nd Try

I haven't done many things that I'd be proud of lately, but last night I did pretty good. It took 6 months to get another date outta us, but Ang and I made it through the night without incident. Given our history, a natural disaster was expected but other than almost having to walk down the mountain for gas, the night went surprisingly well.

Big thanks to my Baby Momma for making it all happen and giving me a new fav song!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Time for Me

So if date #1 was a disaster, having to walk the dark streets of NYC in the rain at 3 am to get my car from the impound lot, why would I agree to another? Cause I love her, but Ang... lets opt for valet parking this time, k?!

Next week on the rehab campaign is the TC (any reason for my alcoholic co-workers to get together and party) Baby shower. As Luz and a few others pointed out that I haven't partied with them since last years holiday party, so I've agreed to stay and shake my ass with them through the night.

Sunday, October 19, 2008

All in a Days Work

I pondered it all weekend. Truth is it scares the crap out of me, but its something that could (not absolutely sure) make us happy.

What scares me? I'll tell you one thing, Its not the questions on the application...

Are you willing to tolerate abusive or threatening language from people who, because of their problems, take out their emotions on you?

Are you able to remain emotionally detached in order to respond to situations in a positive, mature and helpful manner?

Are you able to deal with life and death situations multiple times during a shift?

Are you able to listen to a person while their child or parent is dying in their

Are you willing to respond back to work in the case of an emergency, even though you just finished an eight hour shift?

Are you willing to talk to a person who wants to commit suicide?

Are you willing to take directives and orders and abide by them even if you don't agree with them?

...But rather the thought of its location.

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Shut it Down

When I give a crew a call, they eagerly rush to the aid of someones cry for help. Very often the calls get cancelled for various reasons. When they do, I instruct them to "shut it down", turning off the lights and sirens.

This morning I grabbed a friends new phone and read a quote he had as his wallpaper:

"The pursuit of happiness is a most ridiculous phrase; if you pursue happiness you'll never find it. "
C. P. SnowEnglish novelist & scientist (1905 - 1980)

Its absolutely correct. If your searching for happiness in something or perhaps someone, you'll never find it. You've gotta go out there and create your own happiness. Whether it be goofing around at the park with the kids or cooking someones favorite dinner, maybe even a night of dancing with friends. Nonetheless only you can create your own happiness. Don't sit around waiting for someone else to do it, you'll only find yourself disappointed. Shut it down girl.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Shea Family Restroom

So I get this email from the METS, advertising the various items their auctioning off from whats left of Shea Stadium before they level it and turn it into a parking lot for the new CitiField Stadium. Look what I found:
There's only one other person that would understand why this auction excites me. I wont bid on it though, it stayed just a thought. We should've done it!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

If I Were a Boy

If I were a boy
even just for a day
I'd roll out of bed in the morning
and throw on what I wanted and go

Drink beer with the guys
and chase after girls
I'd kick it with who I wanted
and I'd never get confronted for it
cause they stick up to me

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

If I were a boy
I would turn off my phone
Tell everyone it's broken
so they'd think that I was sleeping alone

I’d put myself first
and make the rules as I go
Cause I know that she’ll be faithful,
waiting for me to come home, to come home.

If I were a boy
I think I could understand
How it feels to love a girl
I swear I'd be a better man
I'd listen to her
Cause I know how it hurts
When you lose the one you wanted
Cause he's taking you for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

It's a little too late for you to come back
Say it's just a mistake,
think i'd forgive you like that
If you thought I would wait for you
you thought wrooong

But you're just a boy
You don't understand
and you don't understand, ohhhh
How it feels to love a girl
Someday you wish you were a better man
You don't listen to her
You don't care how it hurts
Until you lose the one you wanted
Cause you're taking her for granted
And everything you had got destroyed

But you're just a boy

Wednesday, October 15, 2008

Good Humor

You think its a bad sign if the ice cream man is trying to set you up on a date? I've known the guy all my life. It was flattering to hear the 60 something yr old describe me as being a sexy red-head and a responsible mom that works her ass off for her family, but what made the situation even more entertaining was Nicks Aunt passing by and saying hello.

Sunday, October 12, 2008

How are You?

Hows everything? Everything OK?

Of course not, but "okay" is the right answer, right?! Why do we give the conditioned answer yes, rather than the truth? Is it that we don't wanna get into the details, or do I doubt you care enough to really wonder how I'm doing anyway?

Nonetheless, I'm OK.

Thursday, October 09, 2008

No Hay Dia Que Pase...

When I first got my car, Ang made me a cd with a bunch of music she'd know I'd like. She threw everything from NKOTB to Alicia Keys, Tarzan and Patrick Swazye. But there was one song that she mistakingly chose from the selection of Marc Anthony.

After work tonight, I kinda wasnt in a hurry to get home. I decided to pop the cd in and see what random song would play.

I dont think this rehab thingy is going very well.

Wednesday, October 08, 2008


Music... Its one of many great gifts God's given us. The ability to thank him and express millions of other emotions through the lyrics. Like the strings of a harp, each song has a way to tug on our heart. Now though... I'll be checking into rehab.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

Gonna Smile Cause I Deserve to

2 weeks and no word yet. 2 Weeks that I've called and sent messages to no avail, with every single one being returned because they've expired. Every time the phone rings my heart skips a beat, hoping that one day it'll be you on the other end. But as time passes, it becomes vaguer and as what little hope I had left slips away.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Running in Circles

Ang left me this comment on my profile . I havent told her yet, but it really struck a chord in my heart. We're always offering each other support and insight. Sometimes the advice others give though isn't exactly what we necessarily wish to hear, nonetheless its probably true. Reality sucks like that!

Here I sit on the locker room bench looking down at my running shoes. The soles are all worn out from abuse and neglect. I have two options now, I can either stop the running or toss them out and get new ones.

Sunday, October 05, 2008

A Dream is a wish your heart makes

Its happening again. I'm getting that itch to get outta NYC again. I guess I'm just stressed and have so much going on, that the idea of escaping it all rather than dealing with it seems much more appealing.

On a side note. The girls started their kids college classes at Kingsborough yesterday. While they were in class I toured my old school and rekindled some wonderful memories. As soon as I walked into the Marine Academic Center, I was taken away by the shark tank that still stands in the lobby. It was there at that very moment that I knew that Gabby wasn't the only one who should be in marine biology class. Afterwards I took her to the research lab and like a little kid at a fair, I gleamed at the exhibits.

It was then that I realized what I needed to do. Maybe Nick was right, maybe I can be a world famous Marine Biologist. Its not too late to switch majors...

Perhaps It'll motivate me to hang around here a bit longer.

Friday, October 03, 2008

Everything, Everywhere

What am I to do. Where am I to go when everything reminds me of you?

...Every song
...Every movie

Everywhere I turn a memory, a smile, a wish.

Hope you know just how much your missed!

Thursday, October 02, 2008

Wednesday, October 01, 2008

My soldier, My Hero

My buddy Sgt Roman just left for tour # 3 in Iraq. He came to visit NY last week but had his leave time unexpectedly cut short. We weren't able to physically see each other like we'd hoped, however we were able to spend some time chatting. It's always nice to have someone completely out of the "loop" look at your problems and offer insight.

Anyway at 2am he'll be catching his first of many flights that'll lead to his return to the front line. He'll be joining other buddies of mine, former neighbors, colleagues and more that hold a special place in my heart. Lord I pray you keep them safe in your hands as well as the many loved ones they leave behind.