Choices

We're faced with many choices in life. Deciding where to go, what to do and with whom to do it is your choosing. If I could sit here and decide where to be, I'd choose a big house with a wrap around porch. Where? Perhaps in the country somewhere or maybe a lakefront home. The "with who" part... well that's when things get difficult.

Life can be difficult and having someone to go through it and walk beside you can make a world of a difference. I have several friends whom just like me, have been burnt by past relationships. I guess I must have made it through pretty well because many of them still look to me for advice. I'll be the first to admit I could've worked harder on my marriage, but I know better now, and I'll use all these lessons should I choose to share with someone once again. But for now, I'm content with the way things are.

...until I got an email from my supervisor telling me that my shift at work is being eliminated, that I must choose another one. While I could choose to return to dispatching on overnights, it'll leave no time for sleep. I could choose the afternoon shift, but then I wouldn't see my girls very often. Or I could choose to dispatch only on weekends and go on the road more often which would satisfy another addiction.

Ahh... decisions, decisions.

The Simpsons The Movie

I've enjoyed watching The Simpsons since I was a kid, so naturally when I heard of them making a movie, I insisted on seeing it. I slept kinda late today, but was reminded by the girls of the movie premiering this weekend. So although we didnt make it to our normal theatre and Gabby would've rather had gone to Coney Island, we did nontheless get to see the movie.

I must say they certainly surprised me. I've seen many TV shows attempting a feature movie that usually turns out to be a 30 minute episode turned into a dragged out 2 hour long movie. The Simpsons however was actually enjoyable. With the exception of seeing Barts weiner, the movie was pretty cute. Totally worth the drive into Queens to see it!

Blah

Today's post will be brief. I feel like crap today. So nauseous and just feeling...blah.

I'm kinda disappointed with a couple of things and a few people, but hey if you never put all your trust in them in the first place you really shouldn't be disappointed, right?!

On a brighter note, I'm off from school today. Thank God for them Jews and all their holidays!

Ok I'm going back to bed now. TTYL

So Pissed

I'm so upset right now. I just learned that the new dispatcher is spreading rumors about me at work. Yeah, granted I have many friends that just so happen to be guys. Shit, more than half of the people working there are guys, and the girls are mostly b*tches like her. No wonder I tend to befriend the guys. Does that make me a hoe? Well apparently in her eyes I am!

She's telling people that I "get around". WTF?!

Let me set this straight. I'll admit that I have many friends at work. I'm the kind of person that values friendship more than a good f*ck. I've ended relationships because I felt they interfered with my job. Don't confuse me for you or any of your skanky friends! If and when I choose to be with someone romantically, that's my business and none of yours & I wouldn't bring it to work so neither should you! Your like a cat falling and grabbing everyone around you to fall too. Keep trying to find fault b*tch!

Long Overdue FOAD

Ok, Boys and Girls. It's been a while, but here comes a long overdue FOAD.





First, to the sorry excuse of a father whom thinks that sending comments on myspace is quality communication between him and his daughters. C'mon , no wonder our relationship failed. But seriously, didn't you learn anything in the parenting classes the State forced you to take?! Or did you skip that class too?

Next to the asshole new dispatcher. When you show up to work 2 hours late and see that I've been covering for you so that your supervisor wouldn't been woken from his sleep, the least you can do is thank me. It's one thing to not even call in the first place, but to be a total bitch all night long too! ...Hope you choke on that second big mack in your lunch box, FOAD!

Ahh... I'm feeling better all ready!

And finally to my nutrition Professor whom jumps on my ass for being 5 minutes late to class. Whom had me up till 2am yesterday morning studying for our midterm. A midterm that she postponed an hour after it was supposed to begin, after realizing that she was running too late. Karma's a bitch isnt it?! FOAD... after giving me my "B" of course.

Arghhhh

Ok, I'm in A & P class right now, but rather than listen to the lecture, I'm blogging. Why? Because I cant understand a damn word my professor is speaking! Let me create a visual for you. Professor Mary (we wont dare try to pronounce her last name) is about 4'7", speaks softly and with a rather heavy accent. No wonder I feel like A&P is kicking my ass. I'm doing it almost entirely self study, with the exception of the goofing around in the lab.
I can only hope I make it through with at least a "B" otherwise I'll get booted from the nursing program.

My Fix

As it turns out, I'm not doing as bad in class as first thought. I'm averaging about a "B" right now. Which is cool, but If I can keep my ass out of the hospital I'd do much better.

...totally changing the subject.

Ever have the feeling like you just wanna run away? Run from all your problems. Just pack up, move and begin again?



I've been thinking alot lately about this. See, I can separate the past 10 years of my life by 3 year intervals in which each ended or resulted to my moving both physically as well as figuratively. First my getting married and moving to Louisiana. Next, the military discharging us due to his near-death experience and our moving to Florida. Then we separated and I came back to NY with the kids. There's a whole lot more to that last bit than just that, but I'll save that for another post.

Moreover, looking back... each time I've had a major life event take place, I've moved. Now on the other hand I've signed contracts with my school and borrowed so much money to fund it, that dropping out and moving to another state wouldn't be a very smart choice. I just feel the need for a change. Like an addict going through withdrawal, I feel the need for my fix.

I'm gonna stop now, this probably makes no sense to anyone but me.... sigh!

...For Now

Well I played hookie from school today. I just sorta feel blah. I called the doc this morning to see if my INR results were finally back. They were, and I'm finally back in the "safe zone". No need to worry about that for now.

This whole 2nd PE has really set me back again. If it weren't for the distraction of Dawg's tragedy, I probably would've been a mess much earlier. Now I'm just a depressed sap. I really would like to take sometime to reflect on all thats been going on in my life. Try to simplify things. But the truth is, by doing so, I may be complicating things even more. So I'll settle for blogging about it for now.

Sunday

Well, Its Sunday. Not much to do today, but wanted to send some love anyway. If something noteworthy occurs, I'll update ya. Hopefully I can stay in my pj's all day!

The One Person I Cant Protect

I haven't blogged in a very long time, but there's something else I haven't done in a while either that I did today... I cried. With the exception of the news I heard while in the hospital about Dawg and his loss, I haven't wept in quite some time. My doctor called me yesterday and requested that I see him today. I assumed, like everyone else, he was concerned about my coumadin levels staying therapeutic. If they fall below safe levels again, I may not survive another pulmonary embolism or many of the other complications blood clots can cause. So I agreed to come in and supply those blood thirsty vampires with another weekly sample.

However doc wanted to physically see my this time. Apparently my last test showed that I've fallen back down to sub-therapeutic levels. Of course he began lecturing me assuming that I'd missed more doses. This time however, it wasn't my fault. I've been following the medication schedule religiously. We discussed the possible causes of the drops and a few theories that we'd really rather not consider. I convinced him to allow me to give another sample, re-check the levels and at the first sign of trouble, I'd go to the hospital.

Why is my body defying me? I've struggled most of my life to protect and improve that of those around me. But the one person I cant... is myself.