Tuesday, September 22, 2009


My emotions got the better of me and I sent a copy of that last blog entry to him. The response was all I needed to pack up my emotional baggage and get to steppin'. I wake up this morning was a text message telling me he "didnt wanna be friends anymore but would really like to bust a nut". WTF?

Are you for real? So I replied: "Wow thats really fucked up!"
He later replied that we really didnt need to talk, that we could just do whatever and leave. Still in disbelief that he would be this dis-respectful to someone he once referred to as being his best friend, I replied: "No I love myself more than that... sorry".

I'm still in aw... how could he do me so wrong and be so hurtful? Whatever... It was all I needed to push on and focus on someone deserving of my love. Thank you Lord for giving me this closure!

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Look into the Crystal Ball

We keep company that makes us feel good. Someone that brings out the best in us. A few years ago I met someone that helped me forget my many struggles, even if only for the brief time we spent chatting in his car. Our friendship grew stronger and stronger and we began to fully confide in one another our deepest feelings.
I soon after fell for my best friend. He was all I could think about day and night. All I ever wanted... smart, funny, a hard worker, a dreamer and most importantly a good dad to his kids. Everything I sought in a partner.
Just as fate brought us together in an instant, it tore us apart too. His son was in a horrible accident and though he survived, it left a huge psychological burdon on his protective dad. Initially we still spoke everyday though he was 1000 miles away. I knew he was struggling with the impact the accident left, but still held onto hopes that the friend I once loved would soon return. Months later, when he was still struggling, the Dr prescribed him medication. With the swallow of the pill I lost my best friend. In his place stood a man with no emotion, no passion and nothing worth smiling about anymore. Still, I held onto hope that when he returned to NYC I'd be able to help him get better. Instead things got worse.
The days turned into weeks as I wouldn't hear from him. I sent emails and messages no which I got no response. Id check his phone records for some reassurance he was alive and well, and instead I'd find he's been chatting with many other females. So why not me? We keep company that makes us happy. I suppose I stopped making him happy. Instead of confronting him, I did the same. I began chatting with guys that made me feel good as he once did.
He once told me he wished he could look into a crystal ball and see where we'd be in a few years. Never in a million years would I have imagined our relationship would've ended the way it did.