Saturday, September 29, 2007

Bad news to the parent's that swear on Dimetapp to modify your child's behavior. The Feds are on ya! Apparently they think it's a bad idea?!

What a surprise?!

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

If you could wave a magic wand and suddenly have the life you've always wanted, what would it look like?

There are many popular games on the market that allow you to do just that; create a lifestyle of your choice. You can build a house to live in, choose a career and eventually settle down and have a family if you wish to do so.

What makes these games so popular? See, in life we may think we have total control of these things, but the truth is we don't. Sometimes we lose our jobs, the ones we love leave and other not so pleasant things may happen.

I'm gonna wave a magic wand and make my wish.

I'd wish for a lake front home with a wrap around porch. The kids playing touch football in the back yard while I bake in my humongous kitchen. I finally have a pretty good idea of who I'd like to share it all with too, but I'll save that for a later post.

I guess I mention this because of all the time I've been spending alone lately. I have four days a week off from work now which unfortunately happen to be school days. The kids are away at school and rather than watch Jerry Springer I sit and think about whats really important in life and where I want to be. The last thing I want is to look back 10 years from now and wonder where my life went.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

My Baby You

My life's full of freaky surprises but yesterday when my daughter and I were listening to a favorite song of mine from Marc Anthony, My Baby You, we noticed something weird at the very end of the song. Although I've listened to this song hundreds of times before, I never noticed at the end however that he makes reference to his daughter Arianna and her making him feel so alive.

Take a listen:

When the walls around me seem to be caving in and the future is uncertain, My daughter's Arriana and Gabriella remind me of the true meaning of love. I will soothe them if they right there if they call. They're My greatest love of all!

Friday, September 21, 2007

How Accurate is This?

K, I took one of those survey things about my personality on Facebook and this is what it told me:

dependent Personality Disorder

You think you have dependent personality disorder

You need to be taken care of. You can`t make even small decisions without consulting someone else first, and letting them take responsibility for the consequences. If a close relationship ends, you urgently seek another, because how else can you take care of yourself alone? You will volunteer to do the most horrible tasks just to show how grateful you are to your close friends for being there for you.

Do you think its possible to be too nice for your own good? I cant begin to tell you how many times I've heard someone tell me that I shouldn't allow myself to be so freely available. With experience I've learned to seize the moment and take advantage of an opportunity. Especially seeing that very often tomorrow never comes.

I should've told my job I couldn't come in to work last night when they called me for a last minute opening. I should've stayed in my PJ's browsing CrackBook , But then again I wouldnt have had the awesome night I did either. Am I really supposed to play hard to get just to stay home alone and be miserable again?! ...Doesnt sound like very good advice if you ask me! If someone needs me tonight and I technically have the ability to make it happen, then why not do it? It's all way too complicated...I never was good at following rules anyway!

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Worst Patients

Why do health professionals make the worst patients?

Seriously, I've heard it time and time again and have to agree. Look at me, I'd rather shoot myself up with Heparin injections than to spend another day in the hospital.

Another thing that bothers me occasionally is the stupid advice people have come to ask us. The calls for someone with chest pain that just wants to know if his blood pressure is elevated and refuse medical attention either way. The gastric tubes that wait till 2am to fall out and finally the ambulance calls for someone with a toothache. WTF?!

Anyway I mention this because tonight, as I got out of the shower and nice and comfy in my PJ's, my dad called me. I could tell by the tone of his voice something was really wrong. Mom was having chest pain and breathing difficulties. "Damn Mom! I just got ready for bed", I replied. Mom's famous for being a drama queen, so I proceed to ask the appropriate questions and could pretty much rule out any dangers. Just to be sure I took her vitals, hooked her up with some o2 and gave her some Nitro. 45 minutes later she's feeling fine, sound asleep and I can return to blogging in my PJ's. Would I recommend this to anyone else? Absolutely not! I wouldn't let them refuse attention and would certainly use all my power to convince them to get checked out by someone who really knows what the hell their doing. So why cant I follow my own advice?

Monday, September 17, 2007

Nothing like a call from your DR in the middle of the day telling you to rush your ass over to see him. Apparently I've hit an all time low with my coumadin level being down to a 1.2 even though I've been taking my meds on schedule as promised.

After being lectured and my words once again being dis-trusted I left with an awful feeling in my stomach. I'm sick of being sick. When I got news like this in the past I'd get emotional and break down as I ultimately haul my ass over to the hospital for treatment. Tonight however I feel different, I feel nothing at all. No fear, no concern, just wanting to be left alone. I know where I should be right now, and its certainly not blogging. My body is defenseless against embolism's now and I cant help but feel disconcerned.

I hate writing depressing post's like this. Seriously. I have a handful of readers that for whatever reason read these thoughts that I otherwise wouldn't have shared with anyone. I try hard not to conceal my true thoughts in person or get anyone else involved in my personal battles. Even some of my closest friends have no clue what's going on in my head. For you my readers welcome to my dark side!

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Should Be A Mess, But Not

Sometimes in life we make decisions we later wish we didn't. If I could go back in time, sure I'd probably change a few things I've done but for the most part I don't regret anything. I've spoken to quite a few people that have been concerned about me. At first I was frustrated that they were bothering me, wishing they didn't know, but now I've come to appreciate their concern. Seriously, I'm fine! This has surely been one hell of a year! In all reality I probably should be a mess, but I'm not. Instead I've been thinking about my future and where I'd like to be in a few years.

I'd like to have my own place again by the end of the year. Sure living with mom and dad and saving a few bucks can be nice, but I've gotta move on and live a normal life again. Next would be going back to finish school. I'm famous for starting shit and not finishing, but school needs to be made a priority. Finally... who do I share it all with? I cant begin to tell you how many times I've heard things like "your a sweetheart" or "you don't need a man to make you happy". Yeah OK... Thanks Dr Phil!

Thursday, September 13, 2007

Whats up Doc?!

I'm on my way to work today to take my EVOC roadtest when suddenly I get a call. Much to my surprise It was my doctor's office calling to ask me to come in right away.

Doc reluctantly agreed to wait until after the test to see me. Apparently my last round of blood work came back a bit screwy. My coumadin levels have dropped to an unsafe level once again. WTF? I'm taking my meds (well... that one at least) & eating what I should be. So why the changes again? Seriously, If my body were to throw another embolism my way, I'd have no defense right now. Guess I'd better cancel my plans for the night...the last thing I need is to spend another week in the hospital :(

Tuesday, September 11, 2007

The Beach is Officialy Closed for the Season

You've watched the sunrise and sunset.

Hope it was entertaining for you at the least! ...Now you guys owe me a movie ticket!

Sunday, September 09, 2007

Go Back

Ever wish you could go back in time and make things right or do something differently? I've probably mentioned this about a million times, but I have a conscience that works overtime. When I do or say something, I do it with the intentions of causing as little pain as possible. In fact after consideration I decided to rewrite this post.

Thursday, September 06, 2007

150 & Counting

Ok, today boys & girls is a rather special day in the blogosphere. Today I celebrate my 150th post here on my blog. I'd like to take a moment to thank all my readers for finding my bitching entertaining. Luv Ya! Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at PhotobucketToday also just so happens to be Thursday, and what are Thursday's famous for?

Thats right today I get to bitch about everything and everyone who's crossed my path. Lets start with my promise to discuss my Stupid-visor, lord knows I keep my promises. This week Stupid-visor decided to take yet another vacation to sit at home and be depressed about not having a life. What does he do when he came back mid-week to check on things? He calls me at 6am asking where an assignment was that should've been completed by an ECRO. Asshole, I wasn't the ECRO last night. I dispatched! Call your stupid-visor and ask him who he gave the assignment to. Its not my fault you sorry excuses cant get your shit straight. Don't alert me at 6am, and don't send me 6 emails (on the company email system that I shouldn't be checking on my days off anyway) telling me you're gonna call me in a minute to discuss this. I didn't take the $1 raise you did and all the responsibilities that come along with it! So... FOAD!

Next in line? Touro college, step right up! I was enrolled in the Nursing program and one requirement was that I maintain at least a "B" average for the first semester. In one class in particular, not even a nursing class I might add, a got a "B-". What screwed me was that the class was only offered once a week and I missed 2 classes of the 6 week semester when I was in the hospital. At first the professor told me not to worry too much, that if she felt I was in jeopardy of falling behind, she'd offer assistance. Surprise, she didn't! Instead she bitched that more than half the class too were failing. Umm, I don't know about you but I see this as a major dent in the schools plans. Now half their nursing students will have to wait till next summer to retake the class and continue on, if they haven't already decided to transfer out like I am. So to Touro College...I offer a big $7,000 a semester FOAD!

Ahh, this certainly is therapeutic.

Ok my final FOAD goes out to... ironically, WTF happened to the site? I suppose this means I'll have to actually read everyones blogs for their FOAD shouts?!

Oh well... Happy FOAD'ing!

Wednesday, September 05, 2007

Shut up & Go to Bed

Ever stop to look around you? Seriously, stop. Look at your kids and see them for what they are now, not what you remember them being. My oldest daughter is 10 now and is growing to be quite a cutie. The little one, well she's suddenly 6 and growing into her chubby little frame. My daughters are beautiful. No matter how mean these city streets can be, I pray they'll always be like they are now, my angels!

...been doing alot of thinking lately. I've got all this free time on my hands and nothing to do with it.

Ok, I'm tired as hell and doing that blabbing before bed stuff again, aren't I? You can close the page if you want to or just lay here in bed until we both talk each other to sleep. C'mon I'm a good listener.

I'll have a special FOAD tomorrow for my stupid-visor whom doesn't seem to grasp the whole 'I'm off duty so leave me the f*ck alone idea'. Thanks alot ass for waking me up at 6am and pretty much ruining my entire day! Hopefully I'll wake up on the better side tomorrow and end the day with a bang... quite literally of course ;)


Monday, September 03, 2007

Where'd Yesterday Go?

Damn, time flies. Tomorrow is not only the first day of school for the kids, but also my baby's 6th birthday. I cant believe this summer went by so quickly. I sorta feel guilty for not being able to celebrate it like we usually do. Most summers we fly out of town and either visit FL or have come here to NY. The Friday nights at Coney Island to see the fire works on the beach, the trips to Riis Beach, goofing around at the pool every afternoon, the late night Carvel runs in our PJ's. We missed it all. This summer I was so caught up in school and other things. Now look... before I knew it, it was all gone. Oh well, the beaches may no longer be legally open, but I've got some catching up to do.

Wow.. Thinking even further, these past 6 years seemed to fly even faster. Seems like just yesterday I was chasing Gabby around the house.

Happy Birthday Baby!

...Another boring night at work.

Sunday, September 02, 2007


Sometimes the hardest thing to do is nothing at all. Not calling him everytime I think of him. Not wishing I was with him. Giving him the space he needs. Doing nothing...

Saturday, September 01, 2007

Saying Goodbye

Yesterday the girls and I went to a waterpark to celebrate my daughters 6th birthday. I've gotta pat myself on the back, I think I'm a pretty damn cool mom. It doesn't take much to convince my kids to go on the scary water rides that even some of the adults chickened out on, and not too many parents can laugh off half the stuff we do. My daughters truly are and always will be my best friends and reason for waking up each and everyday.

Then of course the day ended much like it has for the past three years, with me having to leave them with Granny while I go to work. Only, last night I agreed to work on the road with Smiley. I had a great time too, we laughed just about all night cracking cheesy jokes at one another. I really enjoy breaking out of my normal routine and going on the road. If they'd give me the opportunity I'd do it everyday rather than dispatching.

One call in particular had me thinking last night though. We got a call for an elderly woman whom had an episode of choking prior to our arrival, but her daughter wanted her to be checked out anyway. Mom was 91 years old, blind and unable to function on her own. Her daughter, whom was at least 50 herself, had dedicated her entire life to caring for her mom. No husband, no children...just the two of them (which I might add is very uncommon for religious Jews as they were). After doing my assessment, I determined mom's lungs were clear & her vitals were stable and agreed to go the extra distance to their hospital of choice some 20 miles away in the city.

In those 20 miles, while mom slept comfortably, the daughter began to express her emotions and discussed her fears earlier in the evening. As her mom was simply having difficulty coughing, she honestly thought her mom was choking. She admitted to straddling her on the bed doing the Heimlich maneuver and praying that God wouldn't take her mom from her. Luckily he didn't this night... but what about tomorrow?

After the call was over, my greatest mommy buzz was gone. Replaced with worry for the daughter. What would she do if she ever really did lose her mom? Would she become one of the psych's or the dysfunctions that I deal with too?

You dedicate your entire life to serving someone else... and then they leave, sometimes unexpectantly.