Backspace

I've come to the realization that I've been around way too many good looking men in uniform for way too long and have picked up some nasty habits along the way. I can remember the days when I taught sunday school at the local church in Louisiana and I'd jump down my ex and his soldier friend's throats for cursing around me or the kids. Now its me that I scold all day long. I've turned into my very own princess potty mouth. Sitting here in dispatch, many people make me mad throughout the day. How do I manage the stress? I curse my friggin head off. Of course being in Brooklyn sure doesn't help the situation any, but I need to atleast be self conscience of the over use the work F*ck.

And thank god for the backspace button on keyboards, 'cause I almost went overboard with my ability to turn any conversation into a naughty one too... but damn... *** backspace used again***

Rescuing the Rescuer

I came across this article today that I found quite interesting. The article discusses a theory that Harvard researchers have about firefighters and the increased prevalence of Coronary Artery Disease and on-duty heart attacks. See this article really touches home. Not only have I been stricken by a sudden cardiac condition but I can count 4 more of colleagues that were otherwise healthy too, that are now being treated for sudden onset of a cardiac condition.

The researchers believe that since the firefighters are living otherwise sedatory life styles (at work) in which they pretty much sit around doing nothing for long periods of time, the sudden intense rush they get when a call comes in, increases their heart rate and blood pressure. Add the heavy equipment and the smoke filled air and any otherwise healthy individual would feel the strain, but they endure the stress on a daily basis.

Why do I mention this? Well see I'm an Emergency Medical Technician. Granted I've been working in the dispatch department for nearly a year now with the occasional trip on the road. Nonetheless we definitely feel a comparable amount of strain too. Our equipment may not weigh 50lbs, but our patients are growing at alarming rates. When the 500lb patient is complaining of difficulty breathing we make every effort to get her ass out of the third floor apartment she lives on. We'll call dispatch and ask for back up, but 30 minutes later when we're frustrated for waiting for so long and see that our patients "crapping out" we suddenly find the strength and endurance we need to do it without the back up. Next while my partner is fighting against city traffic, wailing the sirens and flashing lights to move the other drivers out of our path, I'm in the back now bagging her because she's suddenly stopped breathing all together. Certainly we have a pretty big rush of adrenaline that started when we were woken up from our nap parked on the quietest side street we could find just 30 minutes prior.

This adrenaline rush is the culprit the researchers are talking about. It makes absolute sense. What they suggest as a preventative measure (since they know we wont quit our jobs) is that we live an active lifestyle, exercising frequently, also noting that a large majority of emergency workers are obese. If we could incorporate a fitness plan into the our daily routines, then we should be able to better adapt to the sudden burst of adrenaline that we get on calls.

Maybe this could prevent another life saver from having to suddenly be the one needing to be rescued!

Early FOAD

Ok I know its not Thursday yet, but I don't give a damn Im'ma gonna bitch. YTF do guys tell you they'll call you later when they never do?! Oh and try to make up for it by sending me a damn text message? C'mon

Stop taking the roids, grow your damn balls back and have the courage to at least call me to apologize. I'm not sitting around for the rest of my damn life waiting for a dream that isn't gonna come. Thinking ahead to the future. What kind of life would I want? I wouldn't want to be with a man who doesn't want to better himself. Cant get the motivation to get his drivers license, or even a damn GED or high school diploma for a decent job. What kind of life could we possibly live? One much like now, working my ass off to pay medical expenses!
No thanks.... So to those guys that forget that they asked someone to free up their day for them and forgot to call to cancel...FOAD!

And Thats the Way the Cookie Crumbles

Ok, after meeting new guy last night I've made my decision that we couldn't possibly be together. He may have sounded dreamy over the phone but the guy cant possibly be older than 20. He's got a baby face and all. I did however taste his yummy lips. I'm quite fond of kissing and well... like most ladies, would prefer makeout sessions rather than hopping into bed (on occasion). That alone cant make it worth the risk though. Just thinking about being involved with two men at the same time had my stomach upset quite literally.

So after careful thought and consideration, I've decided that I'll always be a one-man-woman. Who the man is that I'll finally give in to, well that's a whole other issue. I havent been with any one intimately in quite some time, too long if you ask me, but I'll be damned if I let someone undeserving get a piece of my cookie!

Who?

I haven't posted about my personal life in a while. Yeah I've mentioned my medical issues and stuff, but have stayed away from mentioning my love life not only because its usually boring but also because it's rather uneventful.

Since the split from the Ex three years ago, I've been in very few relationships. The very first was a Turkish man whom asked me to marry him on the second date, FYI we never had a third. The next was someone that I met through the IM feature at work. We worked different shifts and at different offices so I thought it would be safe, until that is word got around that we were involved and just like the friggin paparazzi we were being harassed. It ended soon after. Then I waited about a year or so and "accidentally" found myself leaning towards a "friends with benefits" kinda thing with another co-worker, which oddly enough ended as soon as it began. This one in particular however, I was really sensitive about. I didn't want anyone at work to know about us. See almost two years ago I was shown another co-workers profile on a dating site. What he wrote about himself really stood out in my mind. I'll probably never tell him that I have a crush on him, but I will tell him that his awesome literary skills were my own inspiration to blog.

Ok, back to my personal dilemma. See I will always have this place in my heart set aside for said crush. But right now I have another issue. My otherwise innocent flirting has got me caught up in a bit of a web. I'm still seeing The Ray and the kids are growing quite fond of him. I on the other hand have exhausted my patience. We only see each other for maybe 4 hours a week and there's alot more that I wont ramble about now. Then... one night I volunteered to work the overnight tour and well naturally flirted back at one of the people I was dispatching. The flirting was followed up again the next day and has continued for about 2 weeks now. Here's where it gets difficult... Now he wants to meet me. We've exchanged pictures and stuff but he wants to actually sit and have dinner. We just spent 5 hours on the phone because he wanted to stay up with me and keep me company. During this time he revealed just how fucked up his life had been until recently. He mentioned just how much he's hurt all his life and that he never thought he could open his heart again and trust someone, but he now feels he can with me.

I now realize that Ray and I may have some good laughs together, but the truth is I'm not happy. He still cant open his heart and tell me how he feels. This new guys done it in only 2 weeks. Something's not right. I just don't wanna hurt anyone, including myself. A little guidance would be great. I know that I cant carry on two relationships at the same time, so I have to say goodbye to one. But who?