Sunday, March 18, 2007


I haven't posted about my personal life in a while. Yeah I've mentioned my medical issues and stuff, but have stayed away from mentioning my love life not only because its usually boring but also because it's rather uneventful.

Since the split from the Ex three years ago, I've been in very few relationships. The very first was a Turkish man whom asked me to marry him on the second date, FYI we never had a third. The next was someone that I met through the IM feature at work. We worked different shifts and at different offices so I thought it would be safe, until that is word got around that we were involved and just like the friggin paparazzi we were being harassed. It ended soon after. Then I waited about a year or so and "accidentally" found myself leaning towards a "friends with benefits" kinda thing with another co-worker, which oddly enough ended as soon as it began. This one in particular however, I was really sensitive about. I didn't want anyone at work to know about us. See almost two years ago I was shown another co-workers profile on a dating site. What he wrote about himself really
stood out in my mind. I'll probably never tell him that I have a crush on him, but I will tell him that his awesome literary skills were my own inspiration to blog.

Ok, back to my personal dilemma. See I will always have this place in my heart set aside for said crush. But right now I have another issue. My otherwise innocent flirting has got me caught up in a bit of a web. I'm still seeing The Ray and the kids are growing quite fond of him. I on the other hand have exhausted my patience. We only see each other for maybe 4 hours a week and there's alot more that I wont ramble about now. Then... one night I volunteered to work the overnight tour and well naturally flirted back at one of the people I was dispatching. The flirting was followed up again the next day and has continued for about 2 weeks now. Here's where it gets difficult... Now he wants to meet me. We've exchanged pictures and stuff but he wants to actually sit and have dinner. We just spent 5 hours on the phone because he wanted to stay up with me and keep me company. During this time he revealed just how fucked up his life had been until recently. He mentioned just how much he's hurt all his life and that he never thought he could open his heart again and trust someone, but he now feels he can with me.

I now realize that Ray and I may have some good laughs together, but the truth is I'm not happy. He still cant open his heart and tell me how he feels. This new guys done it in only 2 weeks. Something's not right. I just don't wanna hurt anyone, including myself. A little guidance would be great. I know that I cant carry on two relationships at the same time, so I have to say goodbye to one. But who?

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