Thursday, September 14, 2006

Depression Making A Comeback

Sorry I've been gone so long. A lot has happened in my absence. Where should I begin? Well lets start with the fact that I'm depressed beyond belief.

Last week I received a phone call from my doctor. He was calling to break my euphoria. Just like every other time I felt like I was actually happy, someone has to come and deliver bad news that breaks me. He was calling to tell me that one of my tests came back positive for cancerous cells on my cervix....

My sister's gone through this so I sorta know what to expect. I still however cant help but to be overcome by emotions. I was finally at a point in my life where I was accepting my current status. I try not to, but I cant help but worry about the 'what if's?'. What if the biopsy shows to be worse than expected?

I know I shouldn't think this way, but I cant help but feel a need to re-examine my life right now. I'm not as happy as I could be. I was starting to think I could actually love again, but now I see myself subconsciously sabotaging my relationships with not only Ray but everyone else for that matter. I'm falling deep into depression again, only I don't want to. I love the people in my life, I just wish they all knew and could help me somehow.

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