FOAD, the X-Mas edition

I wrote so many blogs in my head last night before bed, and now I cant think of anything to write. Ok so for now I'll stick to the damn holiday songs that play over and over, that make me want to throw my damn radio out the window.

I remember the days when I loved holiday music. But those days are now long gone. They've been replaced with depression. The feeling of loss I feel when I look back at the holiday pictures I took from the years past. The feeling of emptying out my bank account purchasing gifts for family and loved ones that don't return the love. This years extra special, while I finish doing my divorce papers the right way, I'll send them with a big FOAD to all the deserting family down in FL that had no care in the world when me and my children lost our home and had no where to stay. Then have the nerve to claim that I ran away from my husband with our children without his consent. FOAD! You know damn well that none of you were willing to help. We lost our house because he stopped paying for it when he moved in with his "friend Mark" who later turned out to be his F*cking girlfriend Mary, whom might I add was first discovered by our 5yr old daughter that walked in on them in bed together. Where were you guys then?

Next... I wanna take some time to bitch about Ray. Ok lets start where the fun began, on my birthday. He forgot it, and has yet to make up for it over a month later. Prior to that he was in Boston visiting family for thanksgiving which was ok'd with me prior. As was the returning for Christmas when he asked me a few weeks ago, telling me he'd be back on Christmas Eve. I reluctantly agreed, being pissed of at him anyway. Now just this past thursday he told me he'd changed his mind and had decided to stay here with me and do something special with the kids. While I was in the girlscout party friday night at 8:50 I get a text message telling me that he's hitching a ride to Boston with his family and will be leaving at 9:00. A ten minute notice? It thats not enough yesterday he tells me that he wont be back until tuesday because the bus wont be running on Christmas day. Bull Shit!!! Im ready to cut him off.

So please forgive me for having such a bitter heart. This is an extra special time of year for me. With all this shit running through my head, I'm not exactly having "the most wonderful time of the Year".