I came to work last night feeling depressed and all teared-up thinking about missing Dads help preparing Thanksgiving dinner and giving me a birthday kiss this year. Add the stress of not being certain if I'll ever see Nick again, and you'll get a glimpse inside my dismembered heart.
The other night I decided to give into temptation though and pair up with a co-worker I've been otherwise avoiding. See many of the people here try to make nice with me so I wont work them too hard. However they fail, you cant beat me at my own game. This guy though came all the way from the Bronx just to deliver coffee and smiles and convince me to work with him if only just once. If I weren't happy, then he'd let me leave without question, much like Nick convinced me to go downstairs to meet him almost 2 years ago. So, I agreed to give it a try, and I'm so glad I did. We had a blast. The truth is, I've gone on a few dates recently but decided against them because I found I was comparing them to the man I would give anything to be with, who also happens to be the man I cant have and may never return to NY.
It was nice to forget the pain for just one night. To live as though I weren't dying inside and instead have someone to sing along to my crazy selection of music. Someone to call and make sure I got home ok knowing I'd be driving home tired. Someone to laugh at the bruises we woke up with the next morning. Anyway, I just got off the phone with him again and decided to make this a regular occurrence. Sometimes its easier to connect and open up to someone your disassociated with, for that reason I'm dubbing my new partner...the Therapist.
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