Thursday, July 03, 2008

Bad Dream

I just woke up in tears after having a bed dream. I wanna hurry and write it all down before it escapes my memory.

The dream started as me in class, and being called by my dad in his loud voice much like He did in my high school years advising me I had a phone call. Many people mistook his screaming as him being an ass, when in reality it was because he had to scream that loud to be heard from the bed his disability forced him to spend the entire day in. The person on the other line was a medic from work whom jokingly says "gheez put that man to sleep already".

The next few minutes were kinda strange, but not all that eventful. I began tutoring some troubled kids in math. Before I knew It I was home helping Gabby with homework and briefly stepped away to check on Dad. This is where the pain sets in. Dad looked different, but still gave me the impression it was him. As he peeked his head from under the covers and turned towards me and asked if mom was home yet? I replied no. That's when he says "well I guess I can wait till she gets home to eat dinner... not like I'm going anywhere anytime soon".
I looked into his gray eyes and replied, "but Dad, you died already"! "I cant explain why your here now or what your here for, but... somehow you are". He began laughing as I explained all the details of his death, and my guilt for not being there. My heart cried and I literally felt the pain as I did when I first learned of his death. Suddenly he removed the covers and revealed his small frame...

It wasn't Dad, It was some devil-like figure that sought to tease me. My heart hurts so much right now. I cant do this. I thought I could be a strong little girl like Daddy taught me, but I just cant. I'm sitting on his computer typing this, in his seat... but I need Him.

While Dad couldn't teach me to ride my bike, drive a car or even walk me down the aisle at my wedding. He did teach me one thing, he taught me how to hide my tears and my weakness from the world. I'm supposed to be at work shortly, prepared to save the lives of others. Ready for anything and everything that's thrown my way, when in reality I feel like the one who needs to be saved.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Thats a cruel dream :*(