Monday, July 07, 2008


So here I am sitting in my workstation when I hear my phone alert me to a new text message from Nick. Without even looking at the message some how I knew there was something wrong. I feel his pain. I know when he's upset just as he does me, even though I deny it.

The massage was to tell me that he was gonna be shutting his phone off for a while. Nick's been coping the past few months by being withrawn, not returning calls and not really letting anyone else in to see the battle he's been fighting.

Ang was browsing a website today for her own inspiration and came along this article:

When he makes the move to separate from his wife, and physically
removes himself from his house, his own emotional rollercoaster truly begins.
It's as if all of the emotions he has kept under control during the time of lies
and deceit overtake him.

will feel deeply depressed. He will feel a great amount of guilt for hurting his
wife (and children if he has any), and will feel a deep sense of failure as a
husband and a father.
He will wonder if he has made the right choice.
He will wonder if he knows what love means, or if he is out of his mind.
He will be petrified at the thought of losing his money in the
divorce, and he will be petrified at the thought of losing the love of his
He will want his wife to understand why he is doing this. He
will want her approval. He will want her blessings. He will want to know if she
will be OK.
If she does not know about you, he will want to keep you
very hidden, especially now, until the terms of the divorce are final.
He will want to appease her.
He will be completely consumed
with himself. He will be obsessed with his marriage and divorce, and obsessed
with the question, "Am I doing the right thing?"
He may wonder if he
loves you. He may love you passionately and wholeheartedly. He may wonder what
he is doing with you. He may wonder how he lived without you. He may wonder if
he hasnt made the biggest mistake of his existence. He may not really, truly
know the answer.
He will need you to comfort him. He will need you to
give him space. He will need you to tell him you love him. He will need you to
go away. He will need you to call him. He will need you to not call him. He will
need you to make love. He will need you to not make love.
time, and nobody knows how much time for any individual man, he will either
settle into his new life without his wife and family, or he will not.
There are far too many stories of men who, after moving in
with the other woman go back.
Your job
during all of this is to protect yourself from his stress. It is all too easy to
want to take care of him and lessen his pain and confusion, but the stress of
his rollercoaster can really cause you emotional and physical harm.
It is
important to remember that now more than ever, he cannot be there for you. He is
too confused and hurting to have anything to give to you.

Nobody can truly predict if he will stay "left" or if he will go
back. It is a catch -22 for you because your insecurities increase horribly at a
time when he is less able to reassure you that he is really going to divorce for

Doomsday Scenario is to serve as a reminder that you must prepare for the chaos
he will be experiencing, and protect yourself as much as possible while it is
happening. It is a reminder that endingstake a long time, and he will need time.

need to get very clear on your own needs and boundaries during this time. Do not
be afraid to set rules to protect yourself, even if it feels like those rules
are pushing him away. In the end, whether you two have a happily ever after or
not, your sanity and sense of self-respect is yours alone to cultivate and

He can only make you insane and make you feel disrespected
if you let him.
Please remember, it is never OK to sacrifice yourself. It is
always OK to love yourself more than you love him.
Be good
to yourself. OK?

This brief article, just like him, came to me when I needed it the most. It gave me the strength to accept that he needs this right now. His emotional rollercoaster ride is just beggining, I pray that I'll still be here to welcome him when the ride comes to a complete stop and he steps back onto the platform.

Funny how the article ended with "be good" though, huh?!

No comments: