I've been doing alot of thinking lately. It's been 7 days since I've heard from Nick. Alot has happened in that time, including his surgery. He must know I've gotta be worried sick about him, but yet somethings keeping him from calling me. The first 2 or 3 days I kinda learned with experience that he'd be busy catching up, but with 4, 5, 6 and now day 7 approaching my concern has turned to anger.
I was doing some thinking and couldn't think of any decent excuse for the lack of contact. The situation got worse when my text messages were returned to me after being timed out from being undeliverable. Every time I heard the phone ring I'd hope it was him on the other end... but it wasn't.
So how am I dealing? I spent the entire week alone cleaning and thinking. Avoiding phone calls from guys that've been trying hard to be in my life, while I push them away. Why? Because I see something in Nick that I've never seen before in a guy. Sure I've had some with a few things going for them, but they could never equal the total package I got with Nick.
Then I got to thinking about my tarot reading the other day. One thing that really stood out was her saying that he has no obligation to make me happy, nor would he want to. ..Only I can create my happiness.
She was absolutely right. I've spent my days thinking about what I could do to make others happy, but how much have I really done for myself?
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