Math Sucks!

1%. That seems to be my lucky number. The number 3 has long been my favorite number, but it seems the number 1 should be instead.

The doctors told me there was a 1% chance that the procedure I had to correct my heart condition would result in an Pulmonary Embolism, which it did. The chances of a subsequent clot were less than 1%, yet... once again, It did. Now thanks to my Dr and I doing some blind research we've accidentally discovered the possible cause of my clotting problem. During a CME class he learned about Protein S and C and their involvement in coagulation. We learned that 1% percent of all thromboembolic episodes are due to a rare disorder in which patients are deficient in these particular proteins. Tests confirmed I fit into that 1%.

Great, right? I should be excited to finally learn of the culprit, but I'm not. This is all still so new to me and even my doctor for that matter, so were sending me to a specialist for further care. I was doing some more research online and learned alot more about the disorder but still not enough to help me make a sound decision about how to proceed from here. My taking blood thinners isn't a fool-proof way of cheating death from another life threatening clot, but it does bring me back to number 3. If I continue on my current approach I stand a 3% risk (increasing every year) of having a major hemorrhage, of which approximately 1/5 are fatal.

Math never was my favorite subject but this is a seriously fucked up equation. I feel like I'm choosing between two paths that both lead to death anyway. Either stop taking the meds and take the risk of throwing another clot or remain on the meds and risk bleeding out.

...Don't expect a decent post from me for a while while I get through the anger.