Friday Drama

Why does it hurt so bad? I'm not good at this whole rejection stuff. I'm trying so hard to end things with Eddie and The Crush, but cant help but feel really guilty. I really do like them both, but I'm not able to carry on more than one relationship at a time. When I first met Eddie, I was immediately drawn to his personality and his flirtacious ways. It sorta balanced out what Ray was lacking. I took the opportunity to use Eddie for exactly what the two of us needed. I didn't mind that he only called during business hours, I didn't care. Now however, I've got a suspicion that there's more to him than he's be letting me in on. It's kind of strange that he doesn't call me when he's home. This makes me suspect that he's going home to a wife or significant other. What hurts me, is ignoring his phone calls. He's called at least 3 times a day for the past few days, each time begging me to call him back. I wanna crawl into a hole and die each time, I really liked him and cant seem to live with the idea of breaking his heart. **Sigh**

The Crush on the other hand, I've only spoken to again recently because yesterday was his birthday. I'm proud of myself for resisting the temptation, but we didn't celebrate.

Now as for Ray, I'm hoping this weekend will be a big weekend for us. I really would like to get closer to him. Hopefully he's worth all this drama I've created in my life reserving a space in my heart for him.