Thursday, August 17, 2006

I Dont Wanna Do This Anymore

I've allowed a whole week to go by without blogging. Why? Mainly because I don't want to listen to myself. A few months ago I was upset that I didn't have a significant other in my life, now I have 4. Yes that's right 4. I never intended to go as far as I have with 3 of them. The 4th is the one I really like and really want to be with. He's the one I spend most of my free time with and really connect with. The other three on the other hand met my needs temporarily and I'm struggling with the task of letting them go.

It was never easy for me to break up with a great guy. Each one has the prospect of becoming something I would've liked to explore more. As shallow as it sounds I was kinda hoping to keep the friendship with them so that if I ever needed their benefits again, it would still be available to me. But then again thats what has got me in the mess that I'm in.

I'm trying the 'lets pretend I dropped off the face of the earth' routine. But feel so bad when they call and send emails that go unanswered, remember I'm a person with a conscience that works overtime. This isn't very easy for me.
**Sigh** Hopefully I'll have some better news after this weekends visit with Ray. If he could confirm what I already know, then that would change a whole lot for me.

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