Monday, February 19, 2007

My 100th

This is probably going to be the most emotional post of all so If you cant take it, please leave now. This being my 100th post and all, I've decided to go all out and stuff.

On Friday I finally had the EPS/RFA to repair the malfunction in my heart. Theoretically, the method is a rather radical procedure intended to cure the problem with some major risks. A few being the risk of damaging the AV node thus requiring an pacemaker, the risk of the tachycardia's over working my tender heart, and well... the risk of perforating the heart muscle it's self. Either way, these risks were minor compared to the risk of not doing anything about the problem. See, the form of Tachycardia I had causes these sudden rapid heart rhythms as well as sudden heart failure. If you ask me, the treatment was the only option. Even with a lifetime of meds, I'd be uncertain if my life came to an abrupt stop.

Now lets fast forward to the part where I'm lying on the cath lab table surrounded by the best of the best in cardiology (well, at least Brooklyn's best) whom have all taken a special interest in this 27 yr old single mother who spends her life saving others. This time it was time to save her own. As they place the catheters in not one but both of her femoral arteries, that would make their way to her heart, she didn't moan despite only given a mild sedative. Instead she couldn't help but hold back tears. Not for the pain she now feels, but instead for the pain it would cause her two beautiful daughters if mommy never came home.

Suddenly she feels short of breath. They've passed electrodes into the area suspected of causing her troubles, and the nurse makes the announcement that "she's in Tachycardia with a pulse of 180". Amazed at how quickly they've been able to locate it, they pierce her groin once again with the ablation tool that will make its way to the spot and zap it. Only, it doesn't work. As she lets out a moan, they try again... it works. Her heart rate returns to normal and she says she's feeling ok. How else should she answer?! They need to be sure they were successful, so the doctor passes more electrodes, which are followed up by even larger tachycardia's. At this point she's starting to feel the little hope she had left literally drip away with the blood running down her thigh. With every burn she feels as if a piece of her heart is being ripped apart inside of her.

As she focuses her attention on the ceiling panel above the nurse whom placed the pads on her chest to defibrulate or jump start her heart should she have a sudden cardiac arrest, all she could think about was whatshe's already made it through in her short life. As a young child she nearly lost her dad. Although he's here in spirit, he's not exactly here in body. When most girls her age were preparing for Jr High and boys, she was giving up her favorite sports to stay home and make sure dad was taken care of. Becoming a teen mom was even more tough, but she made it work and saw new meaning in life. Her daughter's smile filled any need that she could've possibly had and well, nothing else mattered.

When she decided to move off and get married she still was thinking with her daughter's best interest at mind. Always sacrificing her own needs for those of her family. Just when she felt she couldn't possibly have anymore love to give, she nearly dies bringing life to yet another beautiful daughter. (The nurse shouts "she's tachy again @ 220"and she finds it harder and harder to breath) The next year was filled with grief as she loses several military friends to the war on terror. But when she had to breath life into the lungs of her baby girl who'd suddenly stopped breathing she then began to cry out. If God supposedly doesn't lay any more on your shoulders than you can carry, why did she deserve to carry such a large load?

The following years weren't much better off, after her husband nearly died, the military decides to discharge him and they mutually agree to move to FL. There they attempt to live the American dream. Just when all seems to be going well, it once again falls apart. Shortly thereafter, her husband has walked out on her and the kids. She doesn't earn enough to carry the household alone. She loses her house, her car and most importantly her pride and self worth as she packs up what little she was able to salvage and moves back to NY.

Lately she's tried ignoring her problems, hoping that maybe, just maybe they'll disappear. Until one day she realizes that everything she's worked so hard for, meant nothing compared to seeing the smile on the faces of her two beautiful little girls. That's when she knew she'd make it through. She'd go through it all over again God, If you just let her go back home to those two little girls.

At that very moment the Dr interrupted her thoughts as he withdrew the catheters. Saying, "well Lisa, I think we finally got it. It took several tries, but I think you'll never have to worry again".

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