Bummed

I don't know why but I'm in a really bummed out mood. Hopefully it's just the winter blues or something and it'll be short lived. But since I really have no idea whats particularly bothersome, I'll blog about any or all of it.

I took the kids out to the store yesterday and fell even deeper into my thoughts. This time of year all the stores are surrounded with valentines day items intended to show that special someone in your life how much you love them. In my opinion though If you really loved them, you'd tell them every chance you get. I don't need Hallmark to remind me. Then I began to think about all the people I love, and most of them probably don't even know. My job forces me to put on my big girl panties and separate my emotions from my actions, but in doing so I've neglected to tell them just how I feel. Gheez now I feel like such a dude. K, maybe I'll say it with a Hallmark card :P

Next issue, Its tax season and I'll have the extra money I've needed for my own apartment. Only problem now is mom quit her job a few months ago and without my income I'm not exactly sure they'd be ok. Honestly I know its not fair for me to have such a burden, and even though all four of us kids are working and are capable of helping, no one can take care of them like I can. This worries me. Last time I moved away dad would call me begging me to come back to NY cause he missed having a home cooked meal everyday. Sure he intended it as a joke, but in all honesty I didn't get my Suzy homemaker skills from mom. Maybe I'll find something affordable close to home that'll still allow me to help them out.

I wish there was one thing I could point out as the culprit of my bad mood and get rid of it, but it seems like an accumulation of several emotions. I was depressed about being alone in bed last night, but didn't wanna be with any of the people that called. Maybe it's the one I wished I'd spoken with that's got my head in the clouds.

Or... this could all be hormonal since my friggen boobs are killing me!!!