Thursday, June 12, 2008

Hopelessly Undecided

A great wise woman just pointed out to me that I'm "hopelessly undecided". I cant help but agree...well kinda.

I've been in NY for nearly 4 years now and still haven't decided if I'm gonna stay. I've been separated from my husband even longer, and just recently realized that I no longer love him. I've applied to colleges here in NY, while applying for employment in 2 other southern states. I'm hopelessly undecided.

Today though, I glanced at the kids that Arriana goes to school with and realized that they're a pretty good group of kids, and have known each other for years. For the most part they'll make the transition to Junior High School quite well without me having to worry about what she'll experience here in NYC. While I'd much rather her be in the south where athletics and manners are more prevalent, I think we'll manage just fine here for a bit longer.

I've also decided that Florida was great and I'd love to go back, but by doing so I'd be taking a very large step back. It would be nearly impossible to continue my education and the drama that living close to the in-laws would create would out weigh any possible good. The only reason I was even considering their particular area was because in all honesty, I'm afraid I cant do this all alone.

While I can save the world, be your best friend and try my damn hardest to be the best mom in the world, the truth is I cant do it without you. I cant trust that everything will be alright. I have to know that If I got admitted in the hospital again that my kids would have someone to pick them up from school. So in my defense I'm justifiably hopelessly undecided.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Very justifiable...Im hopelessly undecided right by your side. Stuck in this comfort zone...