I've come to the realization that I've been around way too many good looking men in uniform for way too long and have picked up some nasty habits along the way. I can remember the days when I taught sunday school at the local church in Louisiana and I'd jump down my ex and his soldier friend's throats for cursing around me or the kids. Now its me that I scold all day long. I've turned into my very own princess potty mouth. Sitting here in dispatch, many people make me mad throughout the day. How do I manage the stress? I curse my friggin head off. Of course being in Brooklyn sure doesn't help the situation any, but I need to atleast be self conscience of the over use the work F*ck.
And thank god for the backspace button on keyboards, 'cause I almost went overboard with my ability to turn any conversation into a naughty one too... but damn... *** backspace used again***
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
Thursday, March 22, 2007
Rescuing the Rescuer
I came across this article today that I found quite interesting. The article discusses a theory that Harvard researchers have about firefighters and the increased prevalence of Coronary Artery Disease and on-duty heart attacks. See this article really touches home. Not only have I been stricken by a sudden cardiac condition but I can count 4 more of colleagues that were otherwise healthy too, that are now being treated for sudden onset of a cardiac condition.
The researchers believe that since the firefighters are living otherwise sedatory life styles (at work) in which they pretty much sit around doing nothing for long periods of time, the sudden intense rush they get when a call comes in, increases their heart rate and blood pressure. Add the heavy equipment and the smoke filled air and any otherwise healthy individual would feel the strain, but they endure the stress on a daily basis.
Why do I mention this? Well see I'm an Emergency Medical Technician. Granted I've been working in the dispatch department for nearly a year now with the occasional trip on the road. Nonetheless we definitely feel a comparable amount of strain too. Our equipment may not weigh 50lbs, but our patients are growing at alarming rates. When the 500lb patient is complaining of difficulty breathing we make every effort to get her ass out of the third floor apartment she lives on. We'll call dispatch and ask for back up, but 30 minutes later when we're frustrated for waiting for so long and see that our patients "crapping out" we suddenly find the strength and endurance we need to do it without the back up. Next while my partner is fighting against city traffic, wailing the sirens and flashing lights to move the other drivers out of our path, I'm in the back now bagging her because she's suddenly stopped breathing all together. Certainly we have a pretty big rush of adrenaline that started when we were woken up from our nap parked on the quietest side street we could find just 30 minutes prior.
This adrenaline rush is the culprit the researchers are talking about. It makes absolute sense. What they suggest as a preventative measure (since they know we wont quit our jobs) is that we live an active lifestyle, exercising frequently, also noting that a large majority of emergency workers are obese. If we could incorporate a fitness plan into the our daily routines, then we should be able to better adapt to the sudden burst of adrenaline that we get on calls.
Wednesday, March 21, 2007
Early FOAD
Ok I know its not Thursday yet, but I don't give a damn Im'ma gonna bitch. YTF do guys tell you they'll call you later when they never do?! Oh and try to make up for it by sending me a damn text message? C'mon
Stop taking the roids, grow your damn balls back and have the courage to at least call me to apologize. I'm not sitting around for the rest of my damn life waiting for a dream that isn't gonna come. Thinking ahead to the future. What kind of life would I want? I wouldn't want to be with a man who doesn't want to better himself. Cant get the motivation to get his drivers license, or even a damn GED or high school diploma for a decent job. What kind of life could we possibly live? One much like now, working my ass off to pay medical expenses!
No thanks.... So to those guys that forget that they asked someone to free up their day for them and forgot to call to cancel...FOAD!
Stop taking the roids, grow your damn balls back and have the courage to at least call me to apologize. I'm not sitting around for the rest of my damn life waiting for a dream that isn't gonna come. Thinking ahead to the future. What kind of life would I want? I wouldn't want to be with a man who doesn't want to better himself. Cant get the motivation to get his drivers license, or even a damn GED or high school diploma for a decent job. What kind of life could we possibly live? One much like now, working my ass off to pay medical expenses!
No thanks.... So to those guys that forget that they asked someone to free up their day for them and forgot to call to cancel...FOAD!
Monday, March 19, 2007
And Thats the Way the Cookie Crumbles
Ok, after meeting new guy last night I've made my decision that we couldn't possibly be together. He may have sounded dreamy over the phone but the guy cant possibly be older than 20. He's got a baby face and all. I did however taste his yummy lips. I'm quite fond of kissing and well... like most ladies, would prefer makeout sessions rather than hopping into bed (on occasion). That alone cant make it worth the risk though. Just thinking about being involved with two men at the same time had my stomach upset quite literally.
So after careful thought and consideration, I've decided that I'll always be a one-man-woman. Who the man is that I'll finally give in to, well that's a whole other issue. I havent been with any one intimately in quite some time, too long if you ask me, but I'll be damned if I let someone undeserving get a piece of my cookie!
So after careful thought and consideration, I've decided that I'll always be a one-man-woman. Who the man is that I'll finally give in to, well that's a whole other issue. I havent been with any one intimately in quite some time, too long if you ask me, but I'll be damned if I let someone undeserving get a piece of my cookie!
Sunday, March 18, 2007
Who?
I haven't posted about my personal life in a while. Yeah I've mentioned my medical issues and stuff, but have stayed away from mentioning my love life not only because its usually boring but also because it's rather uneventful.
Since the split from the Ex three years ago, I've been in very few relationships. The very first was a Turkish man whom asked me to marry him on the second date, FYI we never had a third. The next was someone that I met through the IM feature at work. We worked different shifts and at different offices so I thought it would be safe, until that is word got around that we were involved and just like the friggin paparazzi we were being harassed. It ended soon after. Then I waited about a year or so and "accidentally" found myself leaning towards a "friends with benefits" kinda thing with another co-worker, which oddly enough ended as soon as it began. This one in particular however, I was really sensitive about. I didn't want anyone at work to know about us. See almost two years ago I was shown another co-workers profile on a dating site. What he wrote about himself really stood out in my mind. I'll probably never tell him that I have a crush on him, but I will tell him that his awesome literary skills were my own inspiration to blog.
Since the split from the Ex three years ago, I've been in very few relationships. The very first was a Turkish man whom asked me to marry him on the second date, FYI we never had a third. The next was someone that I met through the IM feature at work. We worked different shifts and at different offices so I thought it would be safe, until that is word got around that we were involved and just like the friggin paparazzi we were being harassed. It ended soon after. Then I waited about a year or so and "accidentally" found myself leaning towards a "friends with benefits" kinda thing with another co-worker, which oddly enough ended as soon as it began. This one in particular however, I was really sensitive about. I didn't want anyone at work to know about us. See almost two years ago I was shown another co-workers profile on a dating site. What he wrote about himself really stood out in my mind. I'll probably never tell him that I have a crush on him, but I will tell him that his awesome literary skills were my own inspiration to blog.
Ok, back to my personal dilemma. See I will always have this place in my heart set aside for said crush. But right now I have another issue. My otherwise innocent flirting has got me caught up in a bit of a web. I'm still seeing The Ray and the kids are growing quite fond of him. I on the other hand have exhausted my patience. We only see each other for maybe 4 hours a week and there's alot more that I wont ramble about now. Then... one night I volunteered to work the overnight tour and well naturally flirted back at one of the people I was dispatching. The flirting was followed up again the next day and has continued for about 2 weeks now. Here's where it gets difficult... Now he wants to meet me. We've exchanged pictures and stuff but he wants to actually sit and have dinner. We just spent 5 hours on the phone because he wanted to stay up with me and keep me company. During this time he revealed just how fucked up his life had been until recently. He mentioned just how much he's hurt all his life and that he never thought he could open his heart again and trust someone, but he now feels he can with me.
I now realize that Ray and I may have some good laughs together, but the truth is I'm not happy. He still cant open his heart and tell me how he feels. This new guys done it in only 2 weeks. Something's not right. I just don't wanna hurt anyone, including myself. A little guidance would be great. I know that I cant carry on two relationships at the same time, so I have to say goodbye to one. But who?
Monday, February 26, 2007
I'm Sorry!
Sorry Its been a while, but I've been in and out of the hospital the past few weeks and well its hard enough to get a decent phone at my bedside, yet alone Internet access. But I'm back. This whole situation has really began to take its toll on me.
I've never told anyone this, but growing up in a large family, I used to struggle for the attention of my parents. I did just about anything to get a few minutes of their time. I can even remember this one time I faked a fall and had my mom rush me to the ER. Much to my own surprise they actually diagnosed me with a broken wrist and set my arm in a cast. From broken bones to accepting winning medals without my own loud family members in the audience, I've always struggled with feeling un-important. I can remember learning about illnesses and wishing I had a brief one that would turn the focus on myself.
Now however, I find the exact opposite. Now that I really am sick, all I can do is cry. Cry for the family I have to call to tell that mommy's not coming home tonight because the doctors aren't so sure I'm stable to go home. Cry for the overwhelming pain that I endure every minute of every hour. The feeling of my heart burning from working too hard for the past few weeks. The painful injections that I have to give myself. The feeling of not being able to fall asleep because the cardiac monitor keeps alarming that my heart rate has dropped below 45. And finally the fear...Fear that one night I may close my eyes and never wake up. That my kids would be forced to go back to live with their father in FL and that my own messed up problems have been the cause for pain and worry in other peoples lives too.
For all that I've put everyone through, for all this and more... I'm sorry!
I've never told anyone this, but growing up in a large family, I used to struggle for the attention of my parents. I did just about anything to get a few minutes of their time. I can even remember this one time I faked a fall and had my mom rush me to the ER. Much to my own surprise they actually diagnosed me with a broken wrist and set my arm in a cast. From broken bones to accepting winning medals without my own loud family members in the audience, I've always struggled with feeling un-important. I can remember learning about illnesses and wishing I had a brief one that would turn the focus on myself.
Now however, I find the exact opposite. Now that I really am sick, all I can do is cry. Cry for the family I have to call to tell that mommy's not coming home tonight because the doctors aren't so sure I'm stable to go home. Cry for the overwhelming pain that I endure every minute of every hour. The feeling of my heart burning from working too hard for the past few weeks. The painful injections that I have to give myself. The feeling of not being able to fall asleep because the cardiac monitor keeps alarming that my heart rate has dropped below 45. And finally the fear...Fear that one night I may close my eyes and never wake up. That my kids would be forced to go back to live with their father in FL and that my own messed up problems have been the cause for pain and worry in other peoples lives too.
For all that I've put everyone through, for all this and more... I'm sorry!
Monday, February 19, 2007
My 100th
This is probably going to be the most emotional post of all so If you cant take it, please leave now. This being my 100th post and all, I've decided to go all out and stuff.
On Friday I finally had the EPS/RFA to repair the malfunction in my heart. Theoretically, the method is a rather radical procedure intended to cure the problem with some major risks. A few being the risk of damaging the AV node thus requiring an pacemaker, the risk of the tachycardia's over working my tender heart, and well... the risk of perforating the heart muscle it's self. Either way, these risks were minor compared to the risk of not doing anything about the problem. See, the form of Tachycardia I had causes these sudden rapid heart rhythms as well as sudden heart failure. If you ask me, the treatment was the only option. Even with a lifetime of meds, I'd be uncertain if my life came to an abrupt stop.
Now lets fast forward to the part where I'm lying on the cath lab table surrounded by the best of the best in cardiology (well, at least Brooklyn's best) whom have all taken a special interest in this 27 yr old single mother who spends her life saving others. This time it was time to save her own. As they place the catheters in not one but both of her femoral arteries, that would make their way to her heart, she didn't moan despite only given a mild sedative. Instead she couldn't help but hold back tears. Not for the pain she now feels, but instead for the pain it would cause her two beautiful daughters if mommy never came home.
Suddenly she feels short of breath. They've passed electrodes into the area suspected of causing her troubles, and the nurse makes the announcement that "she's in Tachycardia with a pulse of 180". Amazed at how quickly they've been able to locate it, they pierce her groin once again with the ablation tool that will make its way to the spot and zap it. Only, it doesn't work. As she lets out a moan, they try again... it works. Her heart rate returns to normal and she says she's feeling ok. How else should she answer?! They need to be sure they were successful, so the doctor passes more electrodes, which are followed up by even larger tachycardia's. At this point she's starting to feel the little hope she had left literally drip away with the blood running down her thigh. With every burn she feels as if a piece of her heart is being ripped apart inside of her.
As she focuses her attention on the ceiling panel above the nurse whom placed the pads on her chest to defibrulate or jump start her heart should she have a sudden cardiac arrest, all she could think about was whatshe's already made it through in her short life. As a young child she nearly lost her dad. Although he's here in spirit, he's not exactly here in body. When most girls her age were preparing for Jr High and boys, she was giving up her favorite sports to stay home and make sure dad was taken care of. Becoming a teen mom was even more tough, but she made it work and saw new meaning in life. Her daughter's smile filled any need that she could've possibly had and well, nothing else mattered.
When she decided to move off and get married she still was thinking with her daughter's best interest at mind. Always sacrificing her own needs for those of her family. Just when she felt she couldn't possibly have anymore love to give, she nearly dies bringing life to yet another beautiful daughter. (The nurse shouts "she's tachy again @ 220"and she finds it harder and harder to breath) The next year was filled with grief as she loses several military friends to the war on terror. But when she had to breath life into the lungs of her baby girl who'd suddenly stopped breathing she then began to cry out. If God supposedly doesn't lay any more on your shoulders than you can carry, why did she deserve to carry such a large load?
The following years weren't much better off, after her husband nearly died, the military decides to discharge him and they mutually agree to move to FL. There they attempt to live the American dream. Just when all seems to be going well, it once again falls apart. Shortly thereafter, her husband has walked out on her and the kids. She doesn't earn enough to carry the household alone. She loses her house, her car and most importantly her pride and self worth as she packs up what little she was able to salvage and moves back to NY.
Lately she's tried ignoring her problems, hoping that maybe, just maybe they'll disappear. Until one day she realizes that everything she's worked so hard for, meant nothing compared to seeing the smile on the faces of her two beautiful little girls. That's when she knew she'd make it through. She'd go through it all over again God, If you just let her go back home to those two little girls.
At that very moment the Dr interrupted her thoughts as he withdrew the catheters. Saying, "well Lisa, I think we finally got it. It took several tries, but I think you'll never have to worry again".
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
I've been tagged
TAGGED!!! By NYCWD
It's probably not a good idea to play with dog's, but oh well I find him very interesting and doggy style just so happens to be my favorite. So here I go:
The game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs!
So here it is...
1) I like filling in these crazy surveys.
2) I can still sing all the songs from the Little mermaid with my five year old.
3) I crank up the music and dance around my room naked every morning after getting out of the shower.
4) I live in a second floor apartment with a nice view of my bedroom from the street.
5) I'm a friggin magnet to married jerks that wanna have a good time.
6) I swim all year round, and still hate drying my hair.
7) I have a broken heart, seriously.
8) I like peanut butter and fluff or banana sandwiches.
9) I get along quite well with my pysch patients.
10) I used to wipe asses for a living. Hey, FL nursing homes are always looking for some good CNA's.
Now, I'm not gonna tag anyone because well... thankfully I've been able to keep this blog a secret. For the most part many people have accidentally stumbled upon my blog, after correcting themselves they don't usually come back. C'mon this is my life, it doesn't get much boring than this so who can blame them for not coming back.
But for those who do actually care to read, you'll wanna tune in for my 100th blog tomorrow. I promise to make it special and if I'm really daring, I'll make a special mention of the guys in my life and why I love 'em all. But only, only if I have enough of my aphrodisiac...Chocolate baby!!!!
It's probably not a good idea to play with dog's, but oh well I find him very interesting and doggy style just so happens to be my favorite. So here I go:
The game: Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tag backs!
So here it is...
1) I like filling in these crazy surveys.
2) I can still sing all the songs from the Little mermaid with my five year old.
3) I crank up the music and dance around my room naked every morning after getting out of the shower.
4) I live in a second floor apartment with a nice view of my bedroom from the street.
5) I'm a friggin magnet to married jerks that wanna have a good time.
6) I swim all year round, and still hate drying my hair.
7) I have a broken heart, seriously.
8) I like peanut butter and fluff or banana sandwiches.
9) I get along quite well with my pysch patients.
10) I used to wipe asses for a living. Hey, FL nursing homes are always looking for some good CNA's.
Now, I'm not gonna tag anyone because well... thankfully I've been able to keep this blog a secret. For the most part many people have accidentally stumbled upon my blog, after correcting themselves they don't usually come back. C'mon this is my life, it doesn't get much boring than this so who can blame them for not coming back.
But for those who do actually care to read, you'll wanna tune in for my 100th blog tomorrow. I promise to make it special and if I'm really daring, I'll make a special mention of the guys in my life and why I love 'em all. But only, only if I have enough of my aphrodisiac...Chocolate baby!!!!
Monday, February 12, 2007
Oops, I'm Blabbing Again
Oops. I didn't think I'd actually win when I played around on Ebay earlier today. I decided to play with some of the numbers on a pretty decent looking car just to see where they (the seller) placed the reserve price. So I typed in $1000. Then bam, I was the highest bidder and had met the reserve price. I've never won an auction so easily before. Seriously, every time I go on Ebay to bid on something, someone at the last minute out bids me. It's very rare that I actually win something I really didn't mean to. But oh well, I still think its a pretty good deal regardless. I'll have to let you know once I actually see it in person.
Next, my damn hormones must be raging this month. My boobs are seriously sore. C'mon Doc cant you see how much more harm than good abstinence is doing for me?! My ticker just needs a good workout, or... well since I work for a private company, maybe I could hire a medic to be on standby. Ya know... just in case, LOL! ***sigh***
A girl can dream cant she. Speaking of dreaming. I've had a few more of mention. One was of another co-worker whom I think quite fondly of, we were both on the road transporting a psych patient when all of a sudden the Dr decided to admit me. Thankfully not for psych reasons but instead for cardiac complications. Which has me thinking. Will I be able to live a normal life after all of this? If the ablation procedure goes well, if should rid me of my current problem, but that doesn't ensure that another (second circuit) wouldn't occur in the future. I may not admit it right now, but I'm pretty damn worried. Not for me, but mostly for the kids. If something were to happen to me, they'd likely have to return to their father in FL. I don't wanna compare my shit to Ana Nicole, but it makes me think and worry even more.
If I were to die, they'd likely be forced to leave their family here in NY and live with their father and his trailer park trash girlfriend. Seriously, my mom's no Carol Brady and I couldn't expect her to care for both my sick dad and the girls. Don't get me wrong she loves the girls, but she'd undoubtedly have problems giving up lifetime and Budweiser for bowling leagues and swimming practice.
Ok, I'm gonna shut up now and get my ass in the shower and ready for bed. My sugar daddy will be her bright and early in the morning to take me to work. Later's!!!
Next, my damn hormones must be raging this month. My boobs are seriously sore. C'mon Doc cant you see how much more harm than good abstinence is doing for me?! My ticker just needs a good workout, or... well since I work for a private company, maybe I could hire a medic to be on standby. Ya know... just in case, LOL! ***sigh***
A girl can dream cant she. Speaking of dreaming. I've had a few more of mention. One was of another co-worker whom I think quite fondly of, we were both on the road transporting a psych patient when all of a sudden the Dr decided to admit me. Thankfully not for psych reasons but instead for cardiac complications. Which has me thinking. Will I be able to live a normal life after all of this? If the ablation procedure goes well, if should rid me of my current problem, but that doesn't ensure that another (second circuit) wouldn't occur in the future. I may not admit it right now, but I'm pretty damn worried. Not for me, but mostly for the kids. If something were to happen to me, they'd likely have to return to their father in FL. I don't wanna compare my shit to Ana Nicole, but it makes me think and worry even more.
If I were to die, they'd likely be forced to leave their family here in NY and live with their father and his trailer park trash girlfriend. Seriously, my mom's no Carol Brady and I couldn't expect her to care for both my sick dad and the girls. Don't get me wrong she loves the girls, but she'd undoubtedly have problems giving up lifetime and Budweiser for bowling leagues and swimming practice.
Ok, I'm gonna shut up now and get my ass in the shower and ready for bed. My sugar daddy will be her bright and early in the morning to take me to work. Later's!!!
Wednesday, February 07, 2007
Finally...I'm Worth Saving
Ok, it's finally been figured out. I'm scheduled for my EP study & ablation procedure for next friday. I've also got an excuse to get out of jury duty too, hopefully It'll work otherwise I'll be in big trouble.
Well I still don't have a car. I haven't decided if I wanna bother putting another transmission in my current one, or reward myself with a new car after going through all the BS that I have lately. We'll see. Its probably best that I don't drive right now anyway. My doctors want me in bed all day waiting like a good patient should for my damn HMO to decide I'm worth saving. So much for that idea. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not doing anything strenuous or anything, I'm just not laying in bed all day watching Maury and Jerry Springer. Seriously, I sit on my ass all day at work anyway, and if I begin to feel sick, I do whatever I need to calm down. Hey... worse case scenario, I'm in an office filled with some damn good EMT's and Medics. I'm probably better off at work than at home, so there :-P
Well I still don't have a car. I haven't decided if I wanna bother putting another transmission in my current one, or reward myself with a new car after going through all the BS that I have lately. We'll see. Its probably best that I don't drive right now anyway. My doctors want me in bed all day waiting like a good patient should for my damn HMO to decide I'm worth saving. So much for that idea. I mean don't get me wrong, I'm not doing anything strenuous or anything, I'm just not laying in bed all day watching Maury and Jerry Springer. Seriously, I sit on my ass all day at work anyway, and if I begin to feel sick, I do whatever I need to calm down. Hey... worse case scenario, I'm in an office filled with some damn good EMT's and Medics. I'm probably better off at work than at home, so there :-P
Sunday, February 04, 2007
SuperBowl
I feel so violated... They made me switch to the new blogger! I hope this doesn't make it any more difficult. Hey maybe I'll actually take some time to spruce things up on my layout. Very unlikely, but hey, I'm a dreamer.
Anyways, today my friend is a rather special day for us good ole Americans. See today is Superbowl Sunday. The showdown between the two top performing teams of the National Football league, oh and the day we get to watch some deliciously large men dressed in very tight (usually white) pants, with the camera's positioned just right for all of us sexually crazed ladies as myself. Now don't go jumping down my throat and all, If you've been a faithful reader, you'd see I get sidetracked rather easily. K?!
So moving right along, the Superbowl is as much a tradition in my house as... well, almost as much as Thanksgiving. Except I usually get to spend the evening with my daddy watching the game rather than hours in the kitchen. Of course daddy really has no idea what my real interest in watching the game is, but we always get a good laugh at the awesome commercials that are displayed. Some father daughter bonding time. Half time used to be rather enjoyable too, until a few years ago when Justin and Janet gave the world a good show. Since the nipple incident, they've been rather careful. I wonder what this years show will be like?! My giants aren't in the game this year, so I really don't care who wins. I'm just in it for the show!
Hope you enjoy it too!
'nuff said!
Anyways, today my friend is a rather special day for us good ole Americans. See today is Superbowl Sunday. The showdown between the two top performing teams of the National Football league, oh and the day we get to watch some deliciously large men dressed in very tight (usually white) pants, with the camera's positioned just right for all of us sexually crazed ladies as myself. Now don't go jumping down my throat and all, If you've been a faithful reader, you'd see I get sidetracked rather easily. K?!
So moving right along, the Superbowl is as much a tradition in my house as... well, almost as much as Thanksgiving. Except I usually get to spend the evening with my daddy watching the game rather than hours in the kitchen. Of course daddy really has no idea what my real interest in watching the game is, but we always get a good laugh at the awesome commercials that are displayed. Some father daughter bonding time. Half time used to be rather enjoyable too, until a few years ago when Justin and Janet gave the world a good show. Since the nipple incident, they've been rather careful. I wonder what this years show will be like?! My giants aren't in the game this year, so I really don't care who wins. I'm just in it for the show!
Hope you enjoy it too!
'nuff said!
Friday, February 02, 2007
FOAD Take 2
Yes I know its Friday, I don't care. I'm not done with the bitching. So lets move along, shall we?
Today was the day was to have my Catheter Ablation procedure to locate and zap the damn malfunction in my heart. However in today's world, hospitals are business' that need to ensure payment before they can authorize a doctor to perform a procedure that cost tens of thousands of dollars. So My next FOAD goes out to those special people at my HIP HMO insurance company.
My PCP had to squeeze in an appointment for me to get authorization from him for the procedure, but then the insurance company changed the game plan on me. Now, hospital A treated me, but cannot perform the actual procedure within their hospital because their cath lab is closed for renovations. So hospital A, has decided to send me to their sister hospital, we'll call hospital B. Now since the procedure will be done at a different hospital, a different hospital provider Id number must be authorized and billed. In order for hospital B to receive payment, a new prior approval must be issued from my insurance company. To do this, we must waste more of my time and everyone else's time, by making me physically see said Dr first. Even though he's already been involved in my care at hospital A, he is now represented and paid by hospital B, who wants to in turn get paid too. So my biggest FOAD goes to the lovely people at HIP insurance co. who put patient care last. They don't consider the risk of sudden heart failure an emergency... Hey does that mean they want me to FOAD?
Ok, next I wanna take some time to bitch s'more about crack head. I no longer need to worry about squeezing in time on weekends for some adult companionship. See Crack Head has just taken a second job. I know the reason behind it, but I don't give a damn about the future. I care about today. When I need someone to hold me and make me feel better about all the shit I'm going through today, you wont be there. When I need someone to make me laugh and forget about all the pain, your once again... not there. So why should I stick around? I'm not!
Ok I just deleted a good 20 minutes of writing from what would've been the next paragraph... because well, I'm not ready to admit somethings to myself. Maybe another time. I'm gonna go slip into something a bit more comfortable, make some awesome hot cocoa and cuddle up on my sofa with a nice non-G-rated movie.
Today was the day was to have my Catheter Ablation procedure to locate and zap the damn malfunction in my heart. However in today's world, hospitals are business' that need to ensure payment before they can authorize a doctor to perform a procedure that cost tens of thousands of dollars. So My next FOAD goes out to those special people at my HIP HMO insurance company.
My PCP had to squeeze in an appointment for me to get authorization from him for the procedure, but then the insurance company changed the game plan on me. Now, hospital A treated me, but cannot perform the actual procedure within their hospital because their cath lab is closed for renovations. So hospital A, has decided to send me to their sister hospital, we'll call hospital B. Now since the procedure will be done at a different hospital, a different hospital provider Id number must be authorized and billed. In order for hospital B to receive payment, a new prior approval must be issued from my insurance company. To do this, we must waste more of my time and everyone else's time, by making me physically see said Dr first. Even though he's already been involved in my care at hospital A, he is now represented and paid by hospital B, who wants to in turn get paid too. So my biggest FOAD goes to the lovely people at HIP insurance co. who put patient care last. They don't consider the risk of sudden heart failure an emergency... Hey does that mean they want me to FOAD?
Ok, next I wanna take some time to bitch s'more about crack head. I no longer need to worry about squeezing in time on weekends for some adult companionship. See Crack Head has just taken a second job. I know the reason behind it, but I don't give a damn about the future. I care about today. When I need someone to hold me and make me feel better about all the shit I'm going through today, you wont be there. When I need someone to make me laugh and forget about all the pain, your once again... not there. So why should I stick around? I'm not!
Ok I just deleted a good 20 minutes of writing from what would've been the next paragraph... because well, I'm not ready to admit somethings to myself. Maybe another time. I'm gonna go slip into something a bit more comfortable, make some awesome hot cocoa and cuddle up on my sofa with a nice non-G-rated movie.
Thursday, February 01, 2007
Yup, Yup, Its Finally Here!!!
Ok boys and girls, the moment we've all been waiting for has finally arrived. It's FOAD Thursday!!
Now who shall we victimize first? Well lets start with the Ex who I'd like to believe caused this whole shit with my heart last week. See shit head called me bright and early in the morning on Friday. Apparently FL courts are coming down hard on him for his lack of responsibility. He's very far behind on his child support payments and has till march 2 to appear in court with a valid excuse. The only problem is, he doesn't have one. Just like last year and the year before, he calls pleading with me to allow him to claim the kids on his taxes so that he'll get a large sum of money back and try to catch up to the thousands of dollars he owes. Why the hell would I let him do that? Take money from our pocket to forgive a debt that you owe my children? Have the children pay your bill? Fuck no! So to you Richie, FOAD!
Ahhh... I'm starting to feel better already.
Next while we're on the topic of Ex's. I'll take a stab at crack head. I give him the title crack head because he's taking all this shit to try and build up muscle to look like some huge Puerto Rican hulk. Seriously C'mon guys. We don't like that shit. I like my men large, having the ability to have me up against the wall is a big plus, but the other side affects of the crack/ anabolics that you jockeys use prevent you from doing shit with the one muscle I wanna utilize. Oh and lets not forget skipping out on visiting me in the hospital because you had to go to the fucking gym. For that, I absolutely can not and never will forgive you. Seriously though, if this is what you'd consider "trying to make things right again", then I don't wanna see what its like to be neglected. So to the Big Crack Head, FOAD! ... Maybe I'll take the D back, gabby thinks your kinda funny. So for only you, I'll settle for a big FO!
Next is the nasty ass nurse on the telemetry floor that jumped down my throat for having a cell phone on the cardiac floor. Yes I know that we're not supposed to have 'em, yes I know that it'll interfere with my telemetry box, and yes I know I was in possession of one, but C'mon. This is 2007, who the hell knows people's phone numbers off hand? If I didn't have my cell phone to look up the numbers, no one would've known where the hell I was. Its not like I was speaking on the damn thing (like the CNA who came to ask if I needed more ice), so leave me the hell alone, FOAD!
I'm sure I'll add to this before the end of this blessed day, so sit back and relax while I take a brief intermission.
Now who shall we victimize first? Well lets start with the Ex who I'd like to believe caused this whole shit with my heart last week. See shit head called me bright and early in the morning on Friday. Apparently FL courts are coming down hard on him for his lack of responsibility. He's very far behind on his child support payments and has till march 2 to appear in court with a valid excuse. The only problem is, he doesn't have one. Just like last year and the year before, he calls pleading with me to allow him to claim the kids on his taxes so that he'll get a large sum of money back and try to catch up to the thousands of dollars he owes. Why the hell would I let him do that? Take money from our pocket to forgive a debt that you owe my children? Have the children pay your bill? Fuck no! So to you Richie, FOAD!
Ahhh... I'm starting to feel better already.
Next while we're on the topic of Ex's. I'll take a stab at crack head. I give him the title crack head because he's taking all this shit to try and build up muscle to look like some huge Puerto Rican hulk. Seriously C'mon guys. We don't like that shit. I like my men large, having the ability to have me up against the wall is a big plus, but the other side affects of the crack/ anabolics that you jockeys use prevent you from doing shit with the one muscle I wanna utilize. Oh and lets not forget skipping out on visiting me in the hospital because you had to go to the fucking gym. For that, I absolutely can not and never will forgive you. Seriously though, if this is what you'd consider "trying to make things right again", then I don't wanna see what its like to be neglected. So to the Big Crack Head, FOAD! ... Maybe I'll take the D back, gabby thinks your kinda funny. So for only you, I'll settle for a big FO!
Next is the nasty ass nurse on the telemetry floor that jumped down my throat for having a cell phone on the cardiac floor. Yes I know that we're not supposed to have 'em, yes I know that it'll interfere with my telemetry box, and yes I know I was in possession of one, but C'mon. This is 2007, who the hell knows people's phone numbers off hand? If I didn't have my cell phone to look up the numbers, no one would've known where the hell I was. Its not like I was speaking on the damn thing (like the CNA who came to ask if I needed more ice), so leave me the hell alone, FOAD!
I'm sure I'll add to this before the end of this blessed day, so sit back and relax while I take a brief intermission.
Wednesday, January 31, 2007
Thank You
I've spent the majority of the week thus far tying up some loose ends and making peace with myself. Not only do I find myself double checking my life insurance policies and stuff, but I also find my self re-evaluating my personal relationships too. All attempts to keep my heart "at ease" have been successful so far. I've swallowed my pride and held alot in, all in an attempt to prevent any other Tachycardia's.
This whole thing has also caused me to re-evaluate alot of shit going on in my life. As a young child I lost a very close friend in a tragic accident. The funeral was huge. Seriously I mean monstrous. It made me wonder though, even at the young age of maybe 11 or 12, what If I were to die? Would I have a large crowd too? Who would wish they could've said goodbye but couldn't? This is likely the cause of many dreams or nightmares that I had. I can remember many of them, including ones of me being harmed and screaming for help, though no one could hear me. Sound weird? Yeah I know that's just me!
But seriously though, if something were to happen to me. I want everyone to know, just what they meant to me. To those that I spend my time with everyday, whether it be work or leisure, I treasure all of you in your own individual way. For the great sense of humor you have. For being able to keep up with my crazy life. For your ability to make me smile even when it feels like the world is coming down around me. For being so damn tough on the outside, but so adorable on the interior. For inspiring me to blog, and sit here staring hard at this damn blinking cursor trying to think of something else to say...
Now, I've scared a few people by uttering those three words this week. But oh well too damn bad, I Love You anyways!!!
Now don't forget boys and girls, tomorrows the best day of all. The day I get to bitch about all those that have pissed me off. You may have noticed that I haven't mentioned a few names in a while...You'll definitely wanna tune in for the ultimate FOAD Thursday.
This whole thing has also caused me to re-evaluate alot of shit going on in my life. As a young child I lost a very close friend in a tragic accident. The funeral was huge. Seriously I mean monstrous. It made me wonder though, even at the young age of maybe 11 or 12, what If I were to die? Would I have a large crowd too? Who would wish they could've said goodbye but couldn't? This is likely the cause of many dreams or nightmares that I had. I can remember many of them, including ones of me being harmed and screaming for help, though no one could hear me. Sound weird? Yeah I know that's just me!
But seriously though, if something were to happen to me. I want everyone to know, just what they meant to me. To those that I spend my time with everyday, whether it be work or leisure, I treasure all of you in your own individual way. For the great sense of humor you have. For being able to keep up with my crazy life. For your ability to make me smile even when it feels like the world is coming down around me. For being so damn tough on the outside, but so adorable on the interior. For inspiring me to blog, and sit here staring hard at this damn blinking cursor trying to think of something else to say...
Now, I've scared a few people by uttering those three words this week. But oh well too damn bad, I Love You anyways!!!
Now don't forget boys and girls, tomorrows the best day of all. The day I get to bitch about all those that have pissed me off. You may have noticed that I haven't mentioned a few names in a while...You'll definitely wanna tune in for the ultimate FOAD Thursday.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
Ok. Here's the break down
Ok, sorry for the delay. Let me take a few minutes to explain what happened.
Well Friday morning my day started as usual, and shortly after breakfast I began to feel palpatations. My heart was beating abnormally fast for no apparent reason at all. This wasn't however the first time it's occurred. It usually comes and goes in a minute or two. I waited for about 15 minutes before enlisting my fellow EMT's for help. We weren't able to get an actual pulse because the beats were too frequent and weak to count. That's when we summoned a paramedic to get me on a monitor and try to get it. When he did, it read 260 and said I was either in AFib or SVT (Supra Ventricular Tachycardia). He immediately radioed for help. Lucky for me I was in the garage when a few of the crews were turning out and ready to start their day. Little did I know, rather than dispatching them to an emergency, I was going to require their help to save my own life today.
In a matter of minutes, maybe seconds I was surrounded by colleague's all trying to help. Their attempts to stabilize me were unsuccessful and chose to "load and go" to the nearest hospital. The nearest hospital just so happens to have one of the worse reputation in the city, however I knew most of the staff from doing my own ER rotations. As soon as I arrived I was greeted by familiar faces that recognized me and cared for me as one of their own. Dr McPherson (who did a number on my brachial artery) immediately mumbled a personal joke between the two of us, and shortly after injected the Adenosine I needed to force my heart into a normal rhythm again.
Shortly after my friend Kim made a call to admitting and told them that they had a staff member that was to be admitted to the Telemetry unit. I kid you not, Kim had a bed for me in less than 10 minutes. I was a patient at Brookdale before, I waited nearly 15 hours for a bed to become avail. Even the nurses were surprised at how quickly I was "processed". While an impatient, I was was treated by the chief of cardiology for both Brookdale as well as Downstate University. She suspects that the SVT was caused by AV Nodal Reentrant Tachycardia. A rapid heart rate due to more than one pathway through the AV node. It can cause heart palpatations, fainting or heart failure.
On Friday I will have a procedure done to attempt to eliminate the source of the extra signal to the AV node. They will be inserting catherters into my heart otherwise known as Cardiac Ablation in which they will induce the Tachycardia, locate the re-entrant and ablate or burn it. This will hopefully fix the problem. It does carry some risks, of course there's the risk of injury to the arteries that they use to insert the catheters and the heart tissue its self their burning. But most of all the biggest risk is if they accidentally burn the good source, then my heart will need a pacemaker to transmit the signal to the Av node to tell it to beat.
All in all, its technically a minimally invasive procedure, with some risks. But the biggest risk would be to do nothing and wait for this to happen again.
Well Friday morning my day started as usual, and shortly after breakfast I began to feel palpatations. My heart was beating abnormally fast for no apparent reason at all. This wasn't however the first time it's occurred. It usually comes and goes in a minute or two. I waited for about 15 minutes before enlisting my fellow EMT's for help. We weren't able to get an actual pulse because the beats were too frequent and weak to count. That's when we summoned a paramedic to get me on a monitor and try to get it. When he did, it read 260 and said I was either in AFib or SVT (Supra Ventricular Tachycardia). He immediately radioed for help. Lucky for me I was in the garage when a few of the crews were turning out and ready to start their day. Little did I know, rather than dispatching them to an emergency, I was going to require their help to save my own life today.
In a matter of minutes, maybe seconds I was surrounded by colleague's all trying to help. Their attempts to stabilize me were unsuccessful and chose to "load and go" to the nearest hospital. The nearest hospital just so happens to have one of the worse reputation in the city, however I knew most of the staff from doing my own ER rotations. As soon as I arrived I was greeted by familiar faces that recognized me and cared for me as one of their own. Dr McPherson (who did a number on my brachial artery) immediately mumbled a personal joke between the two of us, and shortly after injected the Adenosine I needed to force my heart into a normal rhythm again.
Shortly after my friend Kim made a call to admitting and told them that they had a staff member that was to be admitted to the Telemetry unit. I kid you not, Kim had a bed for me in less than 10 minutes. I was a patient at Brookdale before, I waited nearly 15 hours for a bed to become avail. Even the nurses were surprised at how quickly I was "processed". While an impatient, I was was treated by the chief of cardiology for both Brookdale as well as Downstate University. She suspects that the SVT was caused by AV Nodal Reentrant Tachycardia. A rapid heart rate due to more than one pathway through the AV node. It can cause heart palpatations, fainting or heart failure.
On Friday I will have a procedure done to attempt to eliminate the source of the extra signal to the AV node. They will be inserting catherters into my heart otherwise known as Cardiac Ablation in which they will induce the Tachycardia, locate the re-entrant and ablate or burn it. This will hopefully fix the problem. It does carry some risks, of course there's the risk of injury to the arteries that they use to insert the catheters and the heart tissue its self their burning. But most of all the biggest risk is if they accidentally burn the good source, then my heart will need a pacemaker to transmit the signal to the Av node to tell it to beat.
All in all, its technically a minimally invasive procedure, with some risks. But the biggest risk would be to do nothing and wait for this to happen again.
Saturday, January 27, 2007
Heaven didn't Want Me...
I'm not really feeling up to posting right now. Lets just say I've had quite the experience yesterday. I was just discharged from the hospital, diagnosed with a cardiac problem and just feel like getting into bed right now. I'll fill you guys in tomorrow if I feel any better. Until then...
Thursday, January 18, 2007
FOAD & EMS
I just realized that today is Thursday. There's more to Thursday then the fact that it's payday for me. See today's the day I've actually got an excuse to bitch about those that piss me off. This week I'm gonna bitch about Big Head. See I work in the field of EMS, which to many of the married assholes in the industry might as well mean Extra Marital Sex. See a few weeks ago Big Head told a mutual friend of ours that he was interested in "getting to know me better". Yeah whatever. I shrubbed it off. Thanks but no thanks.
At my company, I have a large amount of control over what kind of assignments people get. I can keep you doing BS work, or I can send your ass to Guam when you piss me off. So it comes as no surprise that many people (especially men and even lesbians) have tried to swoon me, in an effort to win me over. I can proudly say that I have never, never ever never, taken anyone up on the offers. So just like every other I ignored him. That is until I saw him last week and he confronted me. Now here's when it gets good. If your a fucking real man, why would you talk bad about the two women you chose to have kids with? If you didn't love either of them enough to marry them, YTF should I even think that your a decent person. Ok what'eva.
Next, you talk shit about one of our supervisors who dumped your ass and told me shit about her that would send the person who's baby she aborted to kick your MF Ass. So lets get this straight, you like white chicks, that's cool and shit but keep looking, cause you've got way too much disrespect for my blood. In conclusion, this week's FOAD goes to Big Head and his enormous ego.
At my company, I have a large amount of control over what kind of assignments people get. I can keep you doing BS work, or I can send your ass to Guam when you piss me off. So it comes as no surprise that many people (especially men and even lesbians) have tried to swoon me, in an effort to win me over. I can proudly say that I have never, never ever never, taken anyone up on the offers. So just like every other I ignored him. That is until I saw him last week and he confronted me. Now here's when it gets good. If your a fucking real man, why would you talk bad about the two women you chose to have kids with? If you didn't love either of them enough to marry them, YTF should I even think that your a decent person. Ok what'eva.
Next, you talk shit about one of our supervisors who dumped your ass and told me shit about her that would send the person who's baby she aborted to kick your MF Ass. So lets get this straight, you like white chicks, that's cool and shit but keep looking, cause you've got way too much disrespect for my blood. In conclusion, this week's FOAD goes to Big Head and his enormous ego.
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Choices
In Life, we make many choices. Choices that are supposed to shape and mold our future. Earlier in the week I spoke of the "Pillow Angel" and the decisions her parents made to shape her future and their ability to care for her. I made the commitment to myself a few months ago to stop letting people walk all over me. I've been working on toughening myself for many reasons including giving orders at work.
While I must say, I've improved my ability to tell people to F*ck off and shit, but I'm still a big sap at heart. In the end, I'm still the one shedding tears. I realized the other night just what an ass I've been. When my family was busy mourning a few recent losses, I teased them and told them to suck it up and pretty much to move on. Maybe they needed the tough love, or maybe not. I certainly surprised them and myself when I took time to reflect.
I layed like a baby curled up in bed, crying to the music I selected to put me in the mood to clean. Ok so I didn't get much cleaning done, or maybe I did. Maybe I needed to reflect and feel remorse towards what was going on. I loved the ones that I lost forever, especially the ones I never got the chance to say goodbye to. My new commitment, or resolution, will be to let everyone who means the world to me know just how much I adore them.
While I must say, I've improved my ability to tell people to F*ck off and shit, but I'm still a big sap at heart. In the end, I'm still the one shedding tears. I realized the other night just what an ass I've been. When my family was busy mourning a few recent losses, I teased them and told them to suck it up and pretty much to move on. Maybe they needed the tough love, or maybe not. I certainly surprised them and myself when I took time to reflect.
I layed like a baby curled up in bed, crying to the music I selected to put me in the mood to clean. Ok so I didn't get much cleaning done, or maybe I did. Maybe I needed to reflect and feel remorse towards what was going on. I loved the ones that I lost forever, especially the ones I never got the chance to say goodbye to. My new commitment, or resolution, will be to let everyone who means the world to me know just how much I adore them.
Saturday, January 13, 2007
4+1=5
I was just doing some math. So far this year I've buried three loved ones and cremated our 19 yr old family cat. But the one thats hurts the most is the 5th person, to whom I professed my love to. The one I finally opened up to, who took my love and ran with it.
Friday, January 12, 2007
In a Dream
I had this rather strange dream last night. I dreamed about my supervisor at work. I've had a few of them, call me crazy or maybe I just spend too much time at work, but this time around there wasn't any significant reason for the dream. I can usually wake up and justify the dreams I have. Since I was a child, I've had some pretty awkward dreams involving the weirdest of things. This one however puzzles me. He was behind a counter which displayed various figurines. Some of which I really really liked. There was this angel figurine made of green jade. I fell in love with the angel statue. I wanted it so bad. The wings and the delicate detail.... I've gotta find it! I'm not much of a materialistic person, but this item has got me searching high and low. Maybe theres more hidden in that dream, but I probably wont figure it out... at least not until I'm supposed to.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
